VonaTee
December 15, 2009
Recorded Day 1
I'm starting a new series of my diary; days that I recorded.
Here's the first one.
I put a pillow on my chair to keep my back warm, as well as put on a jumper.
Man, today was shit. It's one of those days when everything is negative, but you can't do anything about it and you keep on going around in circles all day long.
Another thing is that you know you can change your mood; and by being optimistic, you can make amazing things happen (accroding to the law of attraction).
But you know, somehow, that unless you have moments of pure negativity, you won't have moment of pure joy. But is that true? Can we not just have happiness 24/7?
I usually become really depressed during December. Two years earlier I was depressed full stop about completely stupid things people my age care about. I shrugged it off saying oh well, my birthday in two years is gonna be a bigger, better one!
Here I am two years later, in no better position than before. I haven't changed.
I feel like, for the last three years, I've lived the same days. Christmas in a rush, birthday forgotten, trying to do something festive, fun, while new year comes without any meaning.
When I was a kid, New Year was a big thing. Wow, a new year! Never again will I write "2009" in any forms, permission slips, diary entries, submission works.
Never will I live another day in 2009 once New Year starts.
Well I know all of this is primitively obvious, but it still used to feel special.
Now it's just like another day. Everything has lost its meaning. And the worst part of that is that I know that it's me who's making it meaningless for myself.
It's so frustrating to be influenced by useless people around you.
Then another thought enters my head; all that time, I could've written something positive to start turning fate around. Another four hours left od today, the last four hours could've been good.
But how optimistic can you get? After 20 hours of shit, am I stupid enough to try put efforts into making my last four hours better?
Brave, hopeful, selfless people would answer yes.
And actually mean it and make it happen.
December 12, 2009
Diary Day 11
I knew it was really wrong. But all that I could think of at that moment is how I was spread open and he was trying to get in. I remember thinking, shit, it isn't gonna fit!... and slowly slipping out of the sleeping world.
December 6, 2009
Diary Day 10
You know that feeling when you know you've missed something, an event, but was glad you weren't there? But the fact that you missed it leaves you feeling melancholic.
You start to wonder whether it was also worth the bad parts as well as the good parts?
And then after a while you realise, after a billionth time, that you can't do anything about the past. You stop wondering because you know it's a waste of time.
But when you try to do something else, nothing works because your mind is still thinking about the event you've missed and what could've happened if you had gone there.
It's so hard to be the one who misses things but gains something another... all by yourself.
September 1, 2009
everyday love
my brother's painting a flag
he's memorising morse codes
and trying out new codes
twenty four hours ago he was grumbling
saying he hated school
he's lazy through and through
just two more times of watering flowers
our sunflower's grown taller than dad
beautiful, perfect, absolutely flawless
morning glory's twisting its vines
through the fences of our neighbours'
our cat's hiding under the stairs
dad coughs
breeze comes in through the back door
it's sunny
californian sky
mum's working on her laptop
dad's cooking
brother's in the toilet
he just flushed
water sounds
how many hours have I spend like this with my family?
how many hours have I been there, unaware?
how can we ever be consciously thankful
for times like this
when we're still children
with our parents
our problems small
like clothes and shoes and pocket money and homework
how simple and loving and peaceful
life right now is
be thankful that I got to have even a minute of this present?
or curse the fact that I won't have this for much longer?
I can breathe
I can hear
I can see
my family
are there any other ways to describe it?
August 16, 2009
Life Path 6
LIFE PATH 6
K.(je)K.
You possess great compassion and you seek to be of service to others.
You have concern for the weak and downtrodden.
You are a healer and a helper to others.
You care capable of giving comfort to those in need, and you frequently offer a shoulder for others to cry on.
Your task in life is to develop tools necessary to be truly helpful to others, rather than to simply be a sympathetic ear.
You must find the balance between help and interference.
In the same way, you must learn the delicate art of the counselor who knows when to leave the struggle to others and when to avoid taking away the necessary experiences and lessons of life.
You are naturally balanced.
Therefore you are well equipped to support and ground others in times of trial.
It is your tendency to take responsibility, you often fill the void left by others, and you do not turn away from personal sacrifice.
At times, you may feel overburdened by the travails of others.
However, the love others bestow upon you is your well-deserved reward.
You try to maintain harmony within the family or groups balancing and fusing divergent forces.
You seek marriage and you are often a wonderful parent, ofeering warmth, protection and understanding to children.
You are generous, kind, and attractive.
You are often admired, even adored, which baffles you.
You are humble, and yet carry a deep pride, you move well and gracefully, but will have to work hard to stay in shape.
Seek out physical excercise and limit the weets and dairy you crave, to keep yourself from becoming plump and round.
When young you, you must be careful not to choose partners for the wrong reasons.
Do not let sentimentality influence your decision, especially those involving the choice of a spouse.
You need to be needed, but you must learn to discriminate those you can help and others who are made weaker by your care.
After all, it is in your nature to be attracted to weaker brothers and sisters among us.
The temptation and the danger for you are to think of yourself as the savior of the world carrying the burdens of others in your shoulders.
You are an artistic person with a fine eye for symmetry and beauty.
You find music and art very relaxing, rewarding and necessary for your happiness.
If you choose a career outside of the home, the creative arts would be an ideal field.
Your natural analytical ability allows you to go right to the core of any matter and solve problems easily and logically.
Your keen perception and sense of justice would be assets for professional pursuits in law and counseling.
Others who sense your honesty and fairness may seek you out to help them settle differences they have encountered.
You are a responsible person who meets obligations and deadlines.
You can be depended upon to follow through on anything you promise.
Life Path 6 is the domestic vibration indicating that you love your home and children.
You may have married young in order to obtain the love you need.
A woman with this number is likely to be a homemaker.
She will be very protective of her family and prefers to be at home rather than going out to work for a living.
One reason for her reluctance to go out into the world is her need for peace and harmony; this is important for all those with Life Path 6.
A beautiful, artistically decorated home is very important to you.
you enjoy decorating and making your surroundings attractive.
You like comfort and peace and will not tolerate discord.
You enjoy entertaining in your own home and you are a charming host or hostess.
You really love and honour your friends.
You are concerned and sympathetic to their needs.
If they require help, you generously offer whatever you have and because of your generosity, kindness, patience and tolerance, you have many friends.
Consideration for others is basic to your personality. You regard other people's happiness and rewards as your own.
You do not like jealousy and cannot understand it when other people react that way.
In spite of your strong desire for a peaceful existence, you will fight for your beliefes against all odds.
This determination can bring you success and fame in whatever profession you choose.
A negative 6 can be very obstinate and stubborn.
You may become a slave to your loved ones who will use you as a doormat if you allow them to.
You may bury yourself in you home; becoming a recluse.
If you feel you have been denied the love you so desperately need, you will feel sorry for yourself.
You will complain, whine and indulge in self-pity.
You may become discontented and jealous in which case, you will play the martyr.
As a positive 6, you can be a tremendous power for good.
You can bring joy, love, beauty and a sense of justice into other people's lives.
August 16, 2009
Life Path 5
LIFE PATH 5
Y.K.
The key to your personality is freedom.
You love travel, adventure, variety and meeting new people.
You posses the curiosity of a cat, and you long to experience all of life.
You love to be involved in several things at the same time, as long as you are not tied down to any one area.
You like change, new things and new horizons.
You can make friends easily, and your personality is upbeat and often inspiring, attracting people from all walks of life.
You have a way with words, and an uncanny ability to motivate others.
highly suitable vocations for you incule sales, promotion, entertainment, investment, science, medicine, the occilt, public service and all careers thatrequire travel and verbal skills.
A person 5 Life Path is often comfotable in front of an audience particularly as master of ceremonies or in comedy.
You are sensual and you love to taste all of life.
You find it difficult to commit to one relationship, but once you are committed, you can be faithful as an old dog.
You likely lack discipline and order.
You can also be impulsive, doing or expressing things you regret later.
Freedom and a need for adventures sometimes are not properly controlled by those born with this life path, which can cause problems with drug abuse, overindulgence in food or sex, or general abuse of the gift of life.
You are multitalented and posses a variety of diverse abilities.
However, discipline and focus are the true keys to your success.
Withoust these, many of the tasks you begin will remain unfinished and they will fail to realise the true fruits of your abilities.
With hard work and perseverance, they sky is the limit.
You may have been perceived as a wild child by adults and a source of concern by your family.
However, do not be obliged to hurry your choice of career.
You are often a late bloomer, and you need to experience life before you can truly know and commit to your heart's desire.
Your challenge is to learn the true meaning of freedom.
Change is constant in your world, requiring adaptability and courage.
Try to maintain an excercise program, keep your body and shape and limber.
The flexibility and durability of your body will promote security and confidence within you.
You uearn for freedom, and self-employment attracts you powerfully.
Your challenge is to settle into one area in order to cultivate your ability sufficiently to earn a living and to attain success.
Once you find the niche, the motivation and inspiration you supply to others will bring you much in return.
You will find your friends and colleges supporting and promoting you in the road of success.
August 16, 2009
Life Path 3
LIFE PATH 3
R.K.
As a 3 Life Path, you possess great talent in creativity and self-expression.
Many writers, poets, actors and musicians are born under the 3 Life path.
You are witty, possess a gift for grab and savor the limelight.
Your talent for the expressive arts is so abundant that you may have felt drawn to becoming an artist at a very young age.
However, your artistic abilities can only mature through discipline and commitment to the true developement of your talent.
Thanks to your gift of self- expression, you can be the life of a party and the center of attention.
However, you could easily squander your talent by becoming a social butterfly.
Your creativity is a gift that can give you the comfort and luxury you desire, but not without continual focus and discipline.
You are optimistic, and you possess the resilience to overcome many setbacks.
You are socially active, popular and inspire poeple with your happy-go-lucky attitude.
You can be generous to a fault.
Many people born under the 3 Life Path have difficulty handling money, because they can be disorganised, and not particualry serious about their responsibilities.
You are emotional and vulnerable.
When hurt, you withdraw into a clause of sulence, eventaully emerging from your reticence with jokes and laughter that cover up your true feelings.
You can become moody and cynical when depressed.
You can succumb to sarcastic remarks, which can be painful to those around you.
When used positively, your talent for self-expression can be a great inspirational force in the world, uplifting others, and bringing much success and hapiness to you.
Life Path 3 is the number of the performing arts; you are definitely a performer.
You love life, social contacts and entertainment along with new experiences.
Your bright active nature radiates around you like the sun warming the lives of others.
Your ease with people draws then to you like a magnet.
You will always have many admirers.
You are a very expressive person.
You should develop your skill with words and cultivate the art of conversation because you can influence others through your ability to communicate about life.
You do this in a grandiose fashion.
Develop and use your talents for entertaining and communicating.
You could do well as an artist, teacher, lawyer, judge, writer, nurse pastor or priest.
Travel will play an important role in you life because you need to become involved in many experiences and investigate new opportunities.
Your thinking is broad minded and all-encompassing because of you varied interests.
You like to entertain, to be on stage, so to speak.
You like the live the good life.
Recognition is important to you and you need to know you are appreciated.
You are aware of your appearance and like to wear nice clothes because performing depends on how you look and project yourself.
A negative 3 Life Path does everything in an exaggerated way; eating, drinking, loving and living.
You can be self-indulgent and extravagance could be your own downfall.
You overreact and exaggerate situations, turning small problems into big problems.
Your friendships will be superficial.
You may try to avoid responsibility and live just for the moment.
Too much talk may make you a gossip.
As a 3 Life Path, try to learn not to spread yourself too thin as this is an easy trap to fall into with your many talents and interests.
Try focus on one talent and master it.
August 16, 2009
Life Path 1
LIFE PATH 1
K.K.
If you have a 1 Life Path, you are a born leader.
You insist on your right to make up your own mind, and you demand freedom of thought and action.
You have drive and determination. You don't let anything or anyone stand in your way once you are committed to your goal.
You assume your responsibility to be the protector and provider for those you love.
You demand respect and attention, and you become irritated and even domineering when important things don't go your way.
You need to feel in command of important undertakings and you resist supportive roles.
You seek the foreground and the limelight,
You are exceptionally creative and original, and you possess a touch of the unusual .
Your approach to problems are unique, and you have the courage to wander from the beaten path.
You can be impatient with your shortcomings and those of others.
You are very connected with your status, and you foster the appearance of success and self-satisfaction.
The need to appear well off propels you to strive for growth, success and the finer things in life.
You should watch out for selfishness, conceit and an over concern with appearance.
You must guard against overjealous behaviour, anger and agressiveness.
If these qualities are not brought under control, you could become excessively domineering, vindictive and even violent.
You perform best when you are left to your own devices.
Ideally you should own your own business in construction or crafts, ad you should be your own boss.
Hold fast to your life's dream, and work with the determination you posses to realise it.
You can become overly stressed by your driven nature.
Be careful about the food you eat, and maintain an excercise program you enjoy.
Competition sports are often a healthy outlet for a person with your drive, particulary sports that involve running and swimming.
Don't let pride and overconfidence be your masters.
Remember, your talents and abilities are a gift from a higher source, which should promote gratitude and humility rather than pride and conceit.
More often than not, a person with a 1 Life Path will achieve much in life as long as the drive, creativity, originality and pioneering spirit are fully employed.
Your talents are varied and your potential for success is considerable.
You may be attracted to business, the military or governmental institutions as long as you have a leadership role and the possibility to do things your way.
August 7, 2009
rain
rain rain rain
please rain
grey clouds
sound of water
quiet
shiny roads like it's been washed
please rain
wash me
wash everything
please
like tears
wash me
rain rain
please rain
July 18, 2009
Diary Day 9
We're all caught in the time current.
Nobody can escape. We're stuck and pushed along. Time never waits, never reverses.
No delays, no excuses.
Time is my biggest enemy, because time is my best friend.
About
Hi, I'm... this obviously isn't my real name, but, VonaTee.
I love travelling, I will never ge tired of it no matter what.
In my free time I'll most likely to be browsing through magazines, painting, baking, at the beach, making movies, listening to music, reading Dan Brown, looking up Italian destinations or at my favourite restaurant eating pizza and drinking baileys.
I'm obsessed with beads.
I miss the coast, I can't live without the sea close by.
I'm the queen when it comes to wasting time.
So there.
