About two or three months ago I was hooked on the song "Hosanna." There is one line that says "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." I was so captivated by this line and prayed the prayer, "Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours." I wanted to be so in tune with God that my heart was broken by all sin. I haven't quite gotten to the point where gossiping or idolatry break my heart, but for the past 5 days my heart has been broken for one person in particular, my friend Jess. As I said in my latest blog, she lost her mom in a car accident last Monday. I was in Chicago (where she lives) from Wednesday to Sunday and felt so absolutely helpless as a friend. I just wanted to comfort her and have her know that everything would be OK. I wanted to be with her all the time, even though she mostly wanted to be alone. I wanted to just hold her in my arms. I would have given anything to have her fully understand how much she is loved. I felt empty inside. I was broken. I am broken. I feel\felt so distant. I don't want her to be sad. I want to see her smile like she did last weekend in Clemson.

So even though I am not spiritually mature enough to feel not just conviction but broken every time I sin, I got a taste of how God feels broken when we are upset. Everything I feel for Jess, God feels even stronger. He is so in love with us and does not like it when we hurt. He is constantly looking down on us in hopes that we will walk into his arms and receive comfort. I can't imagine the brokeness he feels when we hurt knowing that he can completely comfort us if we would look to him. I don't know if he ever actually feels helpless (that just doesn't seem to make sense) but has to feel something like that. Ahhhh. It's such a lingering ache that I feel. I can't imagine how he feels right now. I pray that she will receive his overwhelming love and comfort. I pray that she will know Him. I pray that even though she may go through an angry phase, she will ask him to prove that he is in control. I pray that she will learn to hear from him. I pray that she will keep on pushing forward the way she has pushed through so much adversity in her life. Ahh, so many things I pray for. Thank you Jesus for showing me your love even in the midst of such tragedy.