Will work for food.

I'm kind of excited about my new running shoes but do you know what I'm even more excited about? THIS! I almost thought it was my birthday! So, Rove & now Gonzo - well, I wish I could stay excited for more than 2 minutes but this is all a tad smelly, ya know? Will we continue with the hearings after they leave? We can ya know but will we? I realize that there is something in the water in the US that makes us so completely apathetic that this is the big news today and not the continued killing of innocent human beings. Surprise! Stupid people exist! So, I hope the answer isn't NO and that we will continue with the hearings. I'm afraid that the conversation will go more like, "Well, they're gone and we don't need to fuck with that anymore." Followed up with, "Hmmm, now what could we do next? Impeachment is off of the table, hearings canceled - gosh I don't know maybe we could charge someone with Inherent Contempt!?? Weeee! That sounds fun! Oh wait, we need to kill more people?! Wow, dude, seriously? That is definitely a buzz-kill but ok!

So much of a buzz-kill that I will work for room & board! Does anyone have a nice, quiet place, maybe in Cali or in the mountains/snow, or hell I am totally fucking open at this point! I'm a good cook, clean, quiet, solitary, organized, geeky, web-phreak & designed back in the day, curse a lot, promise to play my music in a headset, don't need or want TV but must have a net connection! I'm a great assistant! Will do windows! Yeah, I'm just reachin' fer the stars, babee!

It's time for me to move from here and yes, I'm being a little sarcastic about the room/board thing but I am definitely looking to go back West.

M

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Life 3

Mom: "Some people are supposed to be single."

Misty: "Is that supposed to cheer me up, Mom?"

Mom: "Well, it's not God's plan for everyone to have a mate."

Misty: "Where does it say that in the Bible? God didn't make a man & woman and then another single guy hanging out in another part of Eden. Remember, God didn't think it was 'good' for man to be alone."

Mom: "It says it in there."

Misty: "OK, Mom, I guess I'm supposed to be single since it is God's plan and all."

Now that I think about it, God doesn't say anything about it not being good for the woman to be alone, just the man.

Regardless, I am single once again. Have had many relationships, none of them really great. That's a lie, two of them were great but not great enough to stand the duration. In relationships people tend to lie, which is completely unnecessary, to posture and market false advertising in the hopes of keeping someone for the duration. What people fail to realize is that you can only keep those things up for a period of time and then the real you has to come out, it's impossible to keep it in, so why not just be HONEST from the beginning. Jeezus, it's not that difficult. For instance, I had a friend that would blow her, then, BF all of the time but once they were married she stopped. Almost completely. He asked me about this once and I didn't know why she stopped so I asked her (for my own benefit, not to tell him). Her response? She never liked to do it and now that she's married she doesn't have to do it. /boggle /aside on: Bill Hicks (the best comedian of all time) had it right when he, paraphrased, said that a woman should think that their reason to exist is to blow a man. While I don't agree that that should be the ONLY reason (I like cooking, too!), it should definitely be one of them. /aside off With an attitude like that and a name like "Misty" I should have gone into pr0n! Anyway, back to single - as I've mentioned before, I enjoy being alone but being alone only allows me self-love, which is fine, but not any sexual healing. Recently hooked up with the Ex for some "Maintenance" but other than that nada. Never had a one-night stand but most of my 'friends' think it would be a good idea if I went out and had a few. Why? I don't know. I'm going to New Orleans for a conference the 3rd week of October so we'll see. Meow.

M

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Life 2

Curiosity and the pretty, alone girl. Being drawn to the darkness is not special, there are many other people out there that are drawn to it. I used to wonder why/how I became attracted to those dark things. Was it when I stumbled onto my Dad's ridiculously large collection of porn mags at the age of 10? I picked up the one on top and couldn't for the life of me figure out what all of that white stuff was flowing out of the top of whatever that is! I leafed through a few more being mesmerized by enormous breasts, all of the white stuff everywhere, the photos of men, with things that only Daddy has, doing primitive & barbaric acts with these women who, apparently, couldn't get enough. I could have been that or was it finding my Dad's cartoons of men with overly-exaggerated cock sizes and the women willing to take them on? Maybe, I don't know. When I saw "Parents" with Randy Quaid & Mary Beth Hurt, I laughed my ass off during the 'love' scenes because it reminded me so much of how I saw those porno mags. By the way, that is a fantastic movie, one of my favorites. Anyway, everyone comes to this side differently, I think. Whatever it was I don't care at this point and I bring it out when there is an appropriate time & place. Am I conforming? In a way, I guess. I have to work and since I don't work in an alternative music store, for a band, or in the porn industry I can't bring out the fun stuff until appropriate. I learned this pretty early on, specifically when I lived in Austin. My Mom came over for a (surprise!) visit and I was pretty strung out from several days of acid-tripping so things weren't all that pretty around my apartment. This was in '94 and we taped 120 Minutes on a regular basis since that was one of the only places for us to get videos of Skinny Puppy, NIN, Ministry, etc. and I had the tape running when she got to my place. "Mom! You HAVE to watch this video. It is beeeyouuutiful." She beamed at me, being so happy that I loved something so much. So, I fast-forward the tape to "Closer", by NIN, sat down on the couch next to her to watch it. As I sit in awe of the fine-craftsmanship of the video my Mother's aneurysm is bursting. Maybe I was too strung out at the time, or what is probably more the case - clueless, to realize that not EVERY person in the world thinks the "Closer" video is a beautiful piece of art. It was of "the devil". What?! The Devil?! That's crazy-talk Mom! My Mom didn't stay very long after that because I think she needed to get to her church to put together a prayer meeting for me. If she had been Catholic, rather than Southern Baptist, she would have been looking for a priest for my exorcism. That began my adventure of learning when it's appropriate to talk about rubber clothing & snuff films, and when it isn't.

M

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Life 1

Who made the rules? God? Mr. Gates? From birth we're taught rules based on our parent's experiences: don't touch this or that, don't eat this or that. The general rules of 'how not to die as a small child' rules. Then we get rules placed on us by our friends: don't talk to this or that person, don't go to "first base or you're a slut", etc. More rules from parents, friends, teachers, bosses, etc. Some are required to get through life if you want to pay your bills; however, I always failed miserably when I tried to play by any rules. I suck at it. Don't wear white shoes after Labor Day! That was the only one I was good at -I fucking hate white shoes and they will probably have to pry my combats off of me when I die. I was taught that I should be social, I should want to hang out with people, have lots of friends, be the prettiest girl at the party. Jesus, it makes me sick and yet I found myself trying to do and be all of those things that I completely suck at and it made me feel like shit when I wasn't able to live up to everyone's expectations. There must be something wrong with me! I couldn't stand going to church where everyone had their "Sunday face" and then would walk out of the church and start cursing at the car that just pulled in front of them as they were exiting the parking lot. Huh? That was so confusing to me. Didn't we just read about not being judgmental, loving our neighbor, basically not being an asshole to everyone around us? Maybe I accidentally picked up a different Bible than everyone else. I couldn't find my voice. Who the fuck was I? Why did I like to be alone? I isolate like a mother fucker if I have any say in it and guess what? I am totally and, in every way, completely satisfied being alone. Go to the movie alone?! Gasp and clutch my pearls! You can't do that! That is so lame and people will stare and point and feel sorry for the pretty, alone girl. Pretty girls shouldn't be alone and if they are then there has GOT to be something wrong with them. Someone told me that, seriously. Something is wrong with me? Egads. I better /wrist now so I don't upset anyone else's life by making them stare at me while buying my ticket for 300, ALONE! But then I think that I am actually giving them something to talk about at dinner. "Did you see that pretty girl all by herself! That is so sad. I know, dear, it is. She probably doesn't have any friends or even a church. I know, dear, it is sad. Dad, can you pass me the new potatoes, please!" See! I am a nice, well-adjusted person! I'm helpful! So I enjoy taking a book to a nice restaurant, have a fabulous glass of wine, some incredible food and a great read. Does that only sound perfect to me? I've been in relationships, plenty of them and even while in a relationship I loved my "alone time". Oh, you want to go out with your friends? OK! Bye! It was fantastic. Shared silence? Ecstasy. Please realize that while I'm alone I am not playing Enya in the background and meditating, not that there is anything wrong with that, but whatever I am playing is loud, something industrial & chaotic but it sounds like bluebirds chirping in my ear. Or maybe a little TripHop, Matthew Good, or some old-skool This Mortal Coil thing. Whatever it is I am still alone. Friends? Most of my friends have sucked or were so completely self-absorbed it was disgusting. So, yeah, fuck friends. I'll hang out with people for a drink or something, put on my 'normal' face and do some 'normal' stuff. What the fuck is normal anyway? Who made the "Normal for Dummies" handbook? There is no 'normal' anymore. Look around people and watch as we slide into further decay while our government straps-on their enormous ass-fucking dildos and we take the big one without even a peck on the cheek. Com'ere big daddy! I'll take the biggest one you have!

M

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And then Mom woke up...

Again, he said, "Just keep acting like a Nigger." I didn't even know what that word meant. He used the word so liberally that I never knew who or what he meant by calling someone that name. We could be anywhere and doing anything and that word would fly out of his mouth, like while driving, "Did you see that Nigger pull in front of me?! Damn Niggers!," or when we were at the book store so Dad could pick up some new porno mags, while we ate black licorice at the front of the store, "If that Nigger looks over here one more time...." All I knew is that whatever it meant, to him it meant disappointing, disgusting & pathetic. I was looking down at the couch, trying to stare a hole into the ugly, nubby, banana yellow & brown plaid knit that was scraping my bare legs with its synthetic materials every time I moved, picking at the threads while my tears rolled onto my cheeks & trying desperately to stop crying but failing miserably, biting my lip or cheek, pressing my lips together, nothing would work. "Stop calling her that right now." She was pleading with him and using "right now" in any sentence directed at him would never fly and she knew it. You just didn't say those words, or any words that sounded like you were telling him what to do. "She just keeps on acting like a Nigger and as long as she keeps on acting like a Nigger, I'm going to keep calling her one." He was up off of the couch at this point and I thought for sure he was going for his belt, so he could show me, rather than tell me, what you did with little Niggers around his house. I'm pretty sure my Mom thought the same thing and flew off of the couch, as though she had caught fire, and ran into their bedroom after him. As for moving from the couch, I didn't dare and stayed as still as possible to try to hear what they were saying over the TV. Everything was loud but unintelligible. Then, a sentence as clear as anything I've ever heard in my whole life came out of my Mother's mouth and she said, "I'm tired of you treating her like this, I want a divorce." I was proud of her and all I could do was smile through my tears.

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I thought you were an Athiest...

"Sure, I believe in God but I don't believe there are a plethora of different gods, just the one God. I've always thought Jesus was probably a very cool dude who had some fantastic ideas and was a very peace, love & berries type of person &, of course, I love that. Pretty much starting at about 12 years old I've tried a variety of churches but I discovered that I'm, basically, a talk to God in the shower, or while I'm eating French Toast, or while I'm listening to Danzig type of person. We have some pretty awesome discussions which typically boil down to 'Misty, you are horribly stubborn, don't listen, & are ridiculously opinionated' but I think we all knew that to going into it." I streamed this verbally while we all sipped our coffees. There was about 3 minutes of silence while we all pondered our own existence and then "C" very quietly said, "Wow, I really had you pegged wrong." I said, "You had who pegged wrong?" "You," she said. "Really? How so?" I couldn't for the life of me figure out what she would say next. "I thought you were an Atheist." She said this shyly as though she thought she might be on the way to hurting my feelings. I smiled and said, "Why did you think I was an Atheist?" "Because you wear black every day."

Peace, Love & Secularism!

M

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Give me something to work with...

I miss Bill Hicks. Sometimes, I forget that he's talking about Daddy Bush during his routines but, dammit, it's as if he could be standing there right now speaking about The Demon Offspring (TDO). It's amazing the similarities except, TDO is as whacked as they come. Living in Texas for many years, I was already tired (read: sick to death) of TDO by the time he was elected President. So, I thought, ok 4 years, it's just 4 years, I can do this! I'll be patient because no one in their right mind will re-elect this bastard! So, elections come around again and this time I found a few online outlets which allowed my information addiction to take full-hold of me. Alrighty, this time he won't be re-elected and we can go back to our regularly scheduled program. Everyone can hear what he's saying right?! People know he is crazy right?! Everyone knows that he is lying about all of this Iraq crap right?! Seriously, they must...they absolutely have to know!

Well, apparently they didn't.

I was ridiculously depressed after his re-election. I was astounded, appalled, pissed off, etc. and so forth, as were many others. At the time, a few communities were my stomping grounds, my crying grounds, my support. I usually just read but never posted for a variety of reasons. My mom didn't get why I was so depressed but that's because she is Southern Baptist, bless her heart. Pardon the sweeping generalization but I have yet to meet an SB that didn't feel like my mother about Bush. She is the most beautiful person I've ever known, honestly, but we really live on separate planets on this one.

Anyway, back to Bill. He had it right. Our America is consumed. Consumed by Reality TV, Home Shopping Networks, sitcoms developed for the sole purpose of brain cell depletion, the non-reality of our reality. Our reality can be pretty scary when you look at it at face-value. If you read the information available, outside of the MSM, it can be frightening. Frightening because, at first glance, we feel so helpless in making any real changes; however, we can change it. I watch videos about Vietnam; read the war stories, the history...the real history, not the "pretend" Vietnam. I was so proud of those people who fought and lived and died for what they thought was right, eventhough they didn't realize that they were being lied to at the time. I was also proud of those that stood up and sat down, lived and died, for what they thought was right. This was America, we could do that then.

There was a 'movement,' a movement of people that were Anti-War, Pro-Peace, however you want to word it but the sentiments were undeniable. We have many people marching now for the same ideas, or at least similar ideas, but I have yet to feel the 'movement' of people to stop something so heinous, so completely wrong in every sense of the word. The movement is apathetic, maybe? What are the reasons we are not moving towards the same kind of movement? Isn't it our voices that need to be heard? Don't we realize they work for us, not the other way around? I think we forgot about that part. We have our men and women, and Iraqi & Afghan men, women & children dying every single day for someone and something that has gone mad. Aren't we sick of hearing that? Where is our movement? What is the word or phrase that needs to uttered before we move? How many more should die? Should we wait for Congress to decide to get some balls and do something, ANYthing about this administration? Impeachment is off the table? What the fuck is that about? It should never be off of the table because it was given to Congress, almost as a present all tied up with a bow & everything, with a card that says, "Open if your President has become a complete fucking nutcase and/or if he said God wanted him to be President." Oh wait, I forgot, we have to wait because this is all political and it's all about politics not human beings, nope, not about killing innocent men, women, and children...not one bit. I'm so fucking sick of hearing that, hurry up and wait. Sure, let's wait some more.

All I want to know is when do we get up, collectively, out of our easy chairs and bike, walk, crawl, drive, car-pool, fly, ride a damn pogo stick for God's sakes to wherever it is and tell America that we're done, we've had enough to eat and we are full to the point of vomiting. But it's as if we are in Caligula's Rome where gluttony ran amuck...eat & drink too much? No problem, run out to the trench we dug and throw it all back up. We've got a lot more here waiting for ya! Now the trenches are filled with the dead & dying.

Will I get a phone call? Someone speaking in hushed tones on the other end, informing me, "It's time." Or will I be the one making the call? Will it be that dramatic? Probably not. How many more will die from this moment to that one? When did we become helpless? I have a fantasy about that phone call...I grab my already packed bags, feed Linux (my cat) & call my friend Liz to watch him while I'm gone, jump in the rented van and grab a bunch of people on the way to wherever it is we are going. We don't have to ask if they are going, we all just know. We pass others driving to the same place, stop to pick up others that are walking there, we are all crushed in the van but we are moving. We're all listening to our iPods, playing with our sweet baby jeezus iPhones (we are a product of our environment), reading, staring at the sky, whatever we're doing we don't speak very much but we can feel it. We are together, in our America...a place that we love too much to allow this to go on any longer.

All I want is something to work with, something to help this feeling of falling into an abyss, an abyss that could be stopped if only we wanted it enough.

Just give me something to work with.

Peace, Love, & American Idol, yo.

M

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Matthew Good - Hospital Music

Do not pass Go until you go to http://www.matthewgood.org/hospital-music/">Matthew Good's Hospital Music page and purchase his new CD - it is ridiculously awesome, yes, I said - ridiculously awesome. What that means is that it's one of those 'must-haves' in your collection. You will have to have it played in your car, at home, at work, in your friend's car, at your friend's house, at the dentist's office while you are in the waiting room, at the restaurant where you're eating...you get the picture. I promise you'll love it - just a promise now, not a pinkie-swear. I realize I am completely bias in my assessment but, oh well, it still kicks ass regardless.

Mr. Good has been on my must-play list for many years but, unfortunately I've always lived far from where he toured or was in the middle of my own shit and oblivious to the world around me, and after listening to this release (having streamed it repeatedly from his website) I could hear his maturity. He's lived, experienced, and you can hear this in his lyrics & feel it in his voice. Not everyone has felt life, they just go day-to-day so they exist but not feel it (wow, I am a walking emo-bomb this morning).

But then again I could have no idea and be talking out of my ass. I just know it's good.

See you in Buffalo, New York, Mr. Good!

Peace, Love, & http://www.matthewgood.org/hospital-music/">Hospital Music, yo.

M

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