VIRB

Again, he said, "Just keep acting like a Nigger." I didn't even know what that word meant. He used the word so liberally that I never knew who or what he meant by calling someone that name. We could be anywhere and doing anything and that word would fly out of his mouth, like while driving, "Did you see that Nigger pull in front of me?! Damn Niggers!," or when we were at the book store so Dad could pick up some new porno mags, while we ate black licorice at the front of the store, "If that Nigger looks over here one more time...." All I knew is that whatever it meant, to him it meant disappointing, disgusting & pathetic. I was looking down at the couch, trying to stare a hole into the ugly, nubby, banana yellow & brown plaid knit that was scraping my bare legs with it's synthetic materials every time I moved, picking at the threads while my tears rolled onto my cheeks & trying desperately to stop crying but failing miserably, biting my lip or cheek, pressing my lips together, nothing would work. "Stop calling her that right now." She was pleading with him and using "right now" in any sentence directed at him would never fly and she knew it. You just didn't say those words, or any words that sounded like you were telling him what to do. "She just keeps on acting like a Nigger and as long as she keeps on acting like a Nigger, I'm going to keep calling her one." He was up off of the couch at this point and I thought for sure he was going for his belt, so he could show me, rather than tell me, what you did with little Niggers around his house. I'm pretty sure my Mom thought the same thing and flew off of the couch, as though she had caught fire, and ran into their bedroom after him. As for moving from the couch, I didn't dare and stayed as still as possible to try to hear what they were saying over the TV. Everything was loud but unintelligible. Then, a sentence as clear as anything I've ever heard in my whole life came out of my Mother's mouth and she said, "I'm tired of you treating her like this, I want a divorce." I was proud of her and all I could do was smile through my tears.