I am now like how Morrissey and River Como once were.

Just like those brooding artists were, I am celibate and have been for over a year. This is not by choice mostly since I did spend about 7 months in jail this year for driving offenses (DUI and driving on a suspended license). Now not to say I don't want to have sex currently and that I am celibate for artistic purposes, because that isn't the case. It is just I can't do the whole casual sex/fuck buddy thing. I know tons of people that are in those kinds of anti-relationships. To me having sex with a women means we have an emotional, sensual and romantic bond between each other. I am a very passionate person, I am in love with being in love. So of course that translates over if I have sex with someone. I pretty much just got out of a 11 year relationship (well 2 years ago), five of that was marriage though. So I carry a lot of baggage because of that. I have dated since my separation and all three times last year I had my heart shattered to pieces...because I ended up having sex with those women that I dated. And I ended up wanting more out them relationship wise then they were ready for... So something beautiful turned into something ugly and hateful because of those misunderstanding and the baggage I carry. But now that I am ready to try dating again it seems that I am wearing some kind of sign to women now about me being celibate. Because my latest interactions with women that I am attracted to and seem to dig me has turned back to how my middle school relationships were. It is lots of arms around each others side and hand holding. And I haven't even got to the point of making out with any of these women. So yeah I pretty much haven't even kissed a women for a year as well. And the women that seem interested in more than handholding with me have boyfriends. I was even told by one of these boyfriend clad women when I hugged her "that I looked good on her". Fuck!! Why am I not the asshole guy and have sex with the girl with a boyfriend and steal her away from him. Its been done to me though so I can't do that to another guy. So now I am the emotional boyfriend to women. I am the guy that will treat her out, let her enjoy herself and be who she is and I listen to her. So her real boyfriend gets sex and I get the deep conversations. Well maybe I should use my celibacy for artistic purposes, it has to be good for something. So ladies next time you see me please hold my hand and tell me that I look good on you. Because I guess that is the new way I can catch your and my heart a flame since my celibacy sign always gets in the way.