It seems like everyday, I am constantly striving for something. Working towards... something. Trying to become... something.

I've been quite blessed to be able to be a full time designer, to work from home, and be happy with what I do. I am happy with what I do, but I never completely, entirely, impress myself - at least the way that I had envisioned. Not to say that I am not happy with the projects that come out of Dark Collar, but that I never quite reach the end result that I had initially began brainstorming toward. I'm beginning to realize that this lack of satisfaction is the reason I will continue designing and creating for the rest of my life. I will never reach this perfection that I hope for with every project, thus hoping to get it next time around.

I see plenty of bad design out there. Maybe not bad, but horribly...uninspired. With new projects popping up, short deadlines, and excessive workflow, it's easy to settle with "good enough" or "I don't like it, but they'll love it." When the deadline is an hour away, you put something together and get it out -- maybe never taking the time to critique your own work IS the reason one feels less than ecstatic with their own work. I find myself rarely saying No to a project. I take on anything. Thus, giving myself way more work than I can handle - or even think about. Yesterday, I found myself writing a quick list of the clients to do work for, and forgetting most of them. Now, if I cannot remember all of the work I have to do, how can I come up with any ideas for the projects in question? If I say no to a loyal client, will they come back to me? No wonder I can't achieve the end result I'm hoping for.

But these are just diversions from the point I'm trying to make. I pursue perfection. I do not pursue 'pretty good' or 'good enough' or 'alright' - I pursue a culmination of every great designer's work that I have ever seen, and expect to be that. I pursue the inhuman cleanliness and flawlessness that I see when I gawk at these top-notch projects.

The dissatisfaction with my own work is killing me - But, it's also forcing me to pursue greatness. So much so, that I will not stop in my quest. Or else, I will be one of those that settle for "good enough."