"I think that those of us who love a good story want our lives to be a good story. Your life is neither going in the toilet, or shooting to the moon. It's a life to be lived, and that's all. And that's enough, you know? I give you permission to not live a perfect life, or even a particularly dramatic one. Most people's lives aren't that way anyway. They're a hodgepodge of little moments, lots of them dull. It's really quite a gift to be able to see the coolness of non-dramatic moments. " ~My Dad, in response to my last blahg.

I think he hit the nail on the head. I think the reason I'm bummed out is because I feel like there's nothing in my life to feel exhilaration about, so in order to feel SOMETHING, I feel shitty about myself. And when there's no one around to be angry at, I do things that make me angry at myself. The one thing I can't seem to get a grasp on is being happy with myself. It's easier to screw up all the time and beat yourself up. It feels way more dramatic to be in my room at night, lonely and crying than to live a perfectly normal day.

Today was WEIRD. I hung out with Jen Fodor all day, and we both agree that it was weird. We were trying to pretend to have a good time, but at the end of it all, we were just like, "Um, today was really awkward and I feel really weird about it." It was good to admit that. It started with lunch with Jen's roommate and her friend. We tried to make casual conversation, but we all knew it was kind of awkward. Then we went for a hike at Runyon Canyon(?), and it wasn't all that great. It was hot and dusty, no shade, lots of hills. Then some other stuff happened that included lots of driving around and hanging out with people we didn't know very well at all. As we got back into West LA, there was a purple haze coming over the mountains and we thought it was the end of the world. That was right after a long silence and one of us saying, "Um yeah, today was really weird." I know I keep using the word "weird," but it's the only word I can think of to describe how it was.

Anyway, we're going to a major rager in LB tonight that I'm looking forward to, so hopefully I can just have a few beers and chill out.

Eight weeks left of school. Crazy. Stephanie is coming to "pick me up" and we're going to rent a car and head up the coast to Washington (possibly with Fodor, who would fly back to the abyss from there), then take the train back to MI. Guys, I'm SO EXCITED. We should be back to the homeland sometime in the first few days of rocktober.

I need to go shower and wash the day off so I can start anew.