Is it normal to be scared of EVERYTHING? And to not have the energy to do ANYTHING? I feel like every time I try to talk to someone about what I'm feeling, they're like, "Oh, boo to you for being sad." I DON'T want to feel sorry for myself and I DO want to get over it, but it's been going on for so long. It's hard to answer my phone, it's hard to go to my internship, it's hard to manage my money, it's hard to interact with people. Sometimes it's even hard to lift an arm or breathe.

I'm already a fuck-up at my internship. I've been not showing up when I say I will, and then telling everyone, "Oh, it's going fine," when they ask because I don't have the energy to explain why even the thought of going is debilitating. I'm so scared of it. I've never been this scared of something. I don't know what it is. It's not even a big deal when I look at it objectively, but I'm so caught up in a shameful insecurity spiral that I can't. Guilt and shame: the main themes in my life right now.

Does anyone else struggle with these things? I mean, obviously I'm not going to flatter myself by saying I'm the only person who ever has insecurity, depression, and fear, but I feel like no one talks about it. To put it a Christian way, I feel like I'm living in darkness.

To put it in an even more Christian way...

How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

Sorry for being dramatic, ha.