My primary motivation for creating music has always been a very basic inner drive to do so, to communicate with others in a way that goes beyond words. However, I often find myself getting caught up in thoughts of its potential profitability. I think every musician/songwriter does to a greater or lesser extent, even those who don't think they do. But when the desire for profit begins to affect the composition itself, it can be problematic.

I am convinced that I can write better, catchier pop tunes than half of what is out there now. Perhaps this is delusional, but I do feel that way. The main issue for me is that I don't derive any great joy from writing catchy pop tunes. Well, that's not entirely true. It's just that I get more joy out of lampooning them or twisting them into more complex forms than I do out of just writing a standard tune. So everything I write that could make for a great basis for a pop song inevitably ends up as a melody line in something that is not quite a pop song.

The few songs I have that could be considered pop songs are the way they are not because I set out to write pop songs, but because they ended up being poppier than my other songs by virtue of creative choices I made while writing them that had little to do with commercial thoughts. Once commercial thoughts enter the picture, I suddenly start making very bland music, because I start following what I think is supposed to be the convention and it ends up being sort of... I don't know... overly conventional.

Lately I've found myself thinking about how I can make money doing what I love to do (i.e. write music). There are opportunities out there for an enterprising composer: commercial jingles, video game music, and more. I'm considering whoring myself out to something like that (a bit harsh I guess, but in moments of self-loathing, that is how I think of it). But I'm not sure such endeavors will bring me closer to my ultimate goal of being able to support myself writing music that is truly my own. Do fiction writers get satisfaction out of writing assigned articles? Do painters find happiness out of painting commissioned works? Some do, I guess.

Really, when it comes down to it, any attempt to get others to listen to your music can be seen as a concession to commerciality. It can be seen as "selling out" your work. After all, don't real artists just make the art and let the businessmen worry about how to sell it? Isn't it a waste for a creative person to spend time on a street corner hawking his work when he could be creating?

Unfortunately for idealists like me who dream of artistic utopias, that is just the way things are. If you are going to make art for a living, you have to be good at promoting it, too. You have to stand on corners, advertise, and do outlandish things to make yourself stand out. I'm not given to such behavior, being something of an introverted geek more inclined toward introspection and making blog posts. Of course, even my blog posts are, in some way, an ad for my music. I guess.

I'm not going to feel guilty or feel like a sellout because I want people to listen to my music. I'd be willing to do lots of things I wouldn't normally do just to get people to take interest in my work. But would I be willing to have the desire to attract customers affect the artwork itself? That's a trickier question. Is it bad to let the desires of listeners affect the music? Is it bad to compose based on the desires of others rather than my own inner drives? I'm not talking about acting as a hired gun, writing music for a game or a movie or something. I'm talking about music that I write on my own, without being hired to do it. It's the equivalent of a writer interested in stories about the human condition writing mystery novels instead because they sell better. Or an artist interested in abstract art painting portraits because those sell better.

Perhaps the best solution is to do both, to record under multiple monikers, one with the goal of hitting it big and the other with the goal of being communicative from a purely artistic drive. You often see actors take occasional roles in blockbuster movies to support themselves through a few indie, from-the-heart movies. I've known of poets who write greeting cards for money and actual poetry for themselves.

In the near future, I will attempt to be the sort of person who does that sort of thing. I don't know how far I'll get with it or how successful I'll be, but it will be an interesting experiment.