This is what December is like in California. This makes me feel that staying for another year in California is a good decision.

I took my dad hiking at Point Mugu, where Mims and Romina and I went to a few months ago. It was so awesome. It feels so good to be out, and hanging out with my dad. My mom and my brother didn’t want to come along, so it was just the 2 of us, which was nice, absolutely peacful and no bickering. My ears need some rest.

As I’m typing, all 4 of us are cramped to my tiny apartment, it not as bad as I thought it would be, but I think it’s because I’m not letting them (my mom and my brother’s endless bickering) get to me. I’m in this place where I feel like I’m more mature than that. It always takes all the energy I can muster to not let my mom get to me, but this past 2 days, I feel like it’s getting a bit easier. I don’t know, maybe because this is my house, and I feel like I’m in charge so that I feel more in control.

I only lost my temper for a second when I realized that she had tricked me to having dinner with my ex and his family. I really didn’t want to do it, cause I know it was a bad idea, but she kept egging me on, not letting it down, I couldn’t take it, I said yes to make her give me some peace. Dinner itself wasn’t so bad, there was a semi akward and uncomfortable hug, but that wasn’t so bad. He asked me about work and my mom told all of them about my accident (without my permission, naturally), and of course they all made a huge deal about it.

At the end of the night when I was suppose to drive my parents back home, they all made a huge fuss about how unsafe it was for me to drive. Not to be ungrateful, I know they’re concern about my well being, but there is such a thing about being over protective. I made one mistake, I’m ready to move on, I don’t judge myself based on a mistake I made 9 months ago. And right as I was going into the car they sort of invited themselves to our vacation plans. He sheepishly asked which hotel we were staying at in Vegas, and then he was like, well do you mind if we meet you guys in Vegas? Ummmm… I was like, sureeee. What else am I suppose to say? NO, you cannot go to Vegas, because I will be there?

So, I was angry at my mom for making us all go to dinner together. She said it’ll just be a quick dinner tonight, but I think she knew that they wanted to come along to Vegas. The whole thing was a set up. It’s just the kind of insensitive thing she’ll do. I have no idea what she’s trying to do, maybe in her head she thinks that somehow if I hang out with him, we’ll get back together? I don’t even understand why she thinks that’s something that she has the right to control. I don’t really know why she cares. But butting out is not really a concept she understands.

Ever since I was little, I was always afraid that when I grow up, I’ll turn out like her, and sometimes, I’ll do things and I’d realize that I do have some of her in me. The uncompassionate, greedy, selfish, and most of all the unhappy part of me, the parts that I’ve been trying to battle against in the past year.

But on the way back from our hike, I had a talk with my dad (he’s talking, and me, listening). I used to not like my dad’s “talks”, but somehow now I do. Some of the stories he told me make me realize that, if I have the bad parts of my mother, that must mean that I have the good parts of him too. And that gave me hope. I have the potential to be either of them, but I have the power to choose which person I’m going to turn out to be.

how come? well one of them made this

this first one is micah’s submission to the Nikon Festival, i think you can win something if you get enough votes from the people, so the 6 people who read this blog (minus micah, cause i dont think he can vote for himself) go and rate the video. cause it’s awesome. there is one part, the shot of the wheat field on the back yard, took my breath away, it’s magic, it is magical. and the score is awesome too, i can definitely see the jesse james influence, and there is a part in the beginning when the violin just starts playing, that part reminds me of the johnny walker video.

And the other one made this.

This one is made by Jamie, for Donna. You’re so wonderfully thoughtful. Just a few friends having a good time. I love to see how happy everyone here is. This video really made my day, I’m glad I found it, considering how long I have been off Tumblr. It’s really well made too. I like how the clips are edited and the music works really well, I think, I love that song!

So that’s that. Two videos, one about the present story of a sometimes lonely guy, the other a reminiscence of old times with some wonderful friends. And they are both wonderful in their own ways, I’m glad we’re friends.

wow it’s been a long day. but good. i feel like everyday my friends manage to surprise me. thank you so much. everyone.

romina, thanks for the phone call and video chat yesterday, it was really unexpected, and really fun.

jamie, for all the calls, and advice, and the emails and for card sharing with me.

micah, for the really long talk, even when i didnt want to, but you kept stuck with me.

hey, and everyone else who kept stuck with me all this time. it’s good to be able to count on some people that i expect to count on, and those who are not expected.

tired. i’m tired. every day that i go to work turns into a bad day. we’re all tired.

people say they feel tired, but i don’t really feel it in my body, physically i’m pretty normal, but i can feel it in everything else. like it’s an actual thing. it’s heavy and really slow.

anger, frustration, pressure, that’s what it’s all been, for both of us. if it’s not one or the other, then it’s both. this is not the way it’s suppose to be. this isn’t what i want to remember for our company’s first year anniversary. it’ll make me sad if we stop our company, but i don’t know if we can take much more of this. i feel like i had messed up in a big way.

my friends,

Thank you for talking me through today. And always there right when I really need you to be.

For those who aren’t… well, we’re not really friends anyway. Don’t take this the wrong way, I still like you, but can we please stop pretending to be friends when we’re really not, I think it’ll just be easier that way.

that just inspired me to picked a brush that i haven’t used in 2 years

fantastic_mr_fox_t_sample (via joebardi23)

i keep missing the sunlight, can’t take pictures… grrr.

i’m chin deep in llc’s, franchise taxes, income, corporate, unemployment, and pay roll taxes. but i feel good knowing, rather than be clueless and in the dark. if only modularity was applied to the government and how state laws works, things might be simpler, i can just figure things our for myself, and make actual decisions, rather than spending most of my time digging for and trying to crack black boxes.

oh that christmas tree’s been up since the 2nd week of november!

Cussing Awesome!

Secret CIA Manual Shows Magic Tricks Used By Spies - Spygear - Gizmodo

every heroine needs a field to run in.

constantwanderlust:

loveisabigfunnyword:

scadoosh:

honeyhands:

fairphantom:(via keiralove)

loveisabigfunnyword:

(via thedarlingchild)

I went to Snoqualmie Fall with my cousin a long time ago. It was one of my fondest memories. We tried to cross the river and I fell in. I was soaking wet. Luckily, by the time we got back up, I was all dried up.

travelhighlights:

Treehouse Point by Jasmine Fitzwilliam

“Yes, that’s right, folks. We stayed in a treehouse. Which was perched over a rushing river. This was before the thunder and lightning rainstorm started. It was the most incredible accommodation I have ever enjoyed, enhanced by the intense weather… it was fully heated and superluxe and just totally magic.”

Snoqualmie Valley, Washington, USA

Via iwantmybearsuit:notjanebond:fuckyeahtreehouses

oh, we were just talking about keri russell the other day. (via clickmyfresh)

whoa, it’s on the list.

Neuschwanstein Castle.

clickmyfresh:

s   o  m e d  a   y

Since this has gotten a ridiculous amount of hits (593), I must mention that I edited it : )

This is Snoopy, I met him at the pet adoption festival few weeks ago. I don’t think he’s a beagle, he looks like a cross between a beagle and a sausage dog.

Do you know what kind of dog this is?

And is it true that beagles like blueberries?

fuzzy socks keeping my toes warm

Today I called the IRS, I stayed on the phone for 2 hours, they hung up on me, and I cried. hahaha, it’s totally ridiculous, I was sitting there thinking, this is fucking ridiculous, why fuck am I crying?? I wasn’t sad, it was a anger, and mostly disbelief. It wasn’t funny at the time, but it is now. The whole system is so broken and completely ridiculous, I mean funny, it’s funny! I can’t stop smiling about it.

And in the past couple of weeks, I realize how much sappy songs move me. I forgot how much I used to like ballads. I used to listen to them all the time as a kid, and I kinda stop listening to them as I got older because sometimes people make fun of me when I tell them I used to listen to Celine Dion and Luther Van Ross and Mariah Carey (their Endless Love is awesome). I started getting into other kinds of music, and I forgot the ballads.

I been listening to sappy songs all last week, thanks to Glee, I forgot about the Wicked soundtrack. I was listening to For Good over and over again, I really listened to the words, they’re super cheesy, and somehow they make me feel so much better. Today was Lean on Me. This is one of the best one since Don’t Stop Believing from the pilot episode.

Oh, and on Sunday I went to the Thanksgiving Fest, and it was amazing! They were all so talented, I’ve never seen Sasoon sang before, Jamie was right, she really does get into it… she closed her eyes and everything.

Oh, and Jamie, we videod one part of it, just for you, I can’t wait for you to see it, I knew they were gonna sing the song like a minute before they did, and I got super excited, I told Janet we need to show tape it and show you.

There was also a dude who was beat boxing, he was really good, he did Every Breath You Take, I love that song.

And one of my favorite part was when they did the Chris Brown song… in a church! The skit had a wedding in it, the actor on the stage, she was pointing down the aisle, everyone looked down the aisle, waiting for the bride to show, it got all quiet, I knew they were gonna do that, I knew they were gonna play that song. And then you can hear the first 3 notes of the song, and everyone just went crazy! It was awesome. I felt like I was in that wedding video!

All these singing and performing… I wish I was in a Glee club. Is there a Glee club that’s not church related? I can’t sing for shit, but that’d be super fun to do.

Lean on Me.

She's... umm I'm not telling.