Take it easy in school. Don't let it feel too important. Attend class. Do Assignment. Do them well. Find people. Find people you like and like them and be relatable. Take it easy and make your way thru.


Take it easy with my friends and family. Put more effort, don't get overwhelmed. It doesn't have to be about love (yet) Just learn to get along. I hate when people talk about loving their friends in internet posts... but come on, I love you guys. I love the ones i see everyday and seem to want to see me as well. I love the ones that are busy all the time but somehow let me fit myself into their schedule. The friends who are better friends but still allow a place for me. I Love you. I miss the friends i love. On the other side of the country, I love him for his hate and i love that he hates my love. but he doesn't really hate my love because he loves that i love him. I miss my friend that really gets on my nerves but i realize now that he is a big part of my happiness. I love that Bryson took me away from it all so i could calm down and figure out what i was really upset about. I want to figure out how to better exist in my family so i can for once have that thing i envy of so many others. I want to figure out what's wrong with me and tell it to take it easy. I want to continue on my path of selfishness... or perhaps that is the wrong term. I want to continue on my path of caring about things that matter to me (even if it includes myself)



I want to make music. but i have nobody to make music with.


I get unpleasant and miserable and "sick" when i am alone, and i mean that in the two most obvious ways. I am trying to find a way to take it easy. I do this by seeking out other people who i can share this extra time with so i can find some sort of pleasure in each day. I take from them what i need to survive and in exchange try to keep them entertained. I am a vampire in a clown suit.



Lately i have been watching movies with the audio replaced by something from my music collection. I need to take it easy.
I have a second home, a day home, where i sit with my two "roommates" and we all sit with our laptops living our different internet lives. We interact, mostly to talk shit about someone we found online or to tell a story about some unbearably lame person we saw that day. Sometimes we take shots and make up ridiculous cheers, because we have nothing real to cheer about.





Girls: This is something i am not sure how well i can go into. Anybody who has talked to me on this subject has heard my never changing analogy of how i feel like a widow who lost the wife he never had. I am struggling to find love (like i assume we all are) and i feel like i am out of the game (the way a widow feels when his au pair suggests " go find yourself a nice young women, the kids will be fine.") It is just a real kick in the pants out there. I have failed sort of. I am presented with options. and i get crushes. i am usually let down by the options and am usually let down by the crushes. Sometimes i stand outside myself and see what looks to be a guy juggling several interests and possibilities. and i think other people see this too. A good friend once told me, "If you have to put so much thought into which one you pick, then neither are probably right for you." and she was right. I've said this before and i will say it again, but finding love is just a much nicer way of saying to lower your standards. and i don't want this to be true. I want to know that the girl i am completely infatuated with right now is the only girl that can make me happy with who i am right now. I don't know if i have earned this much. I haven't been the best lately. I have been keeping lies to a minimum which is good. It's just the choices i make hurt not just me anymore. i would just very much like a chance to prove that i could make a relationship work. A wise man once asked me, "Why do we put so much energy into impressing these girls, when they don't impress us at all." When he said that it destroyed me. He said this 2 years ago and it still fucks with me everyday. And i was talking to Bryson about how it doesn't matter how hard we try to be what they think they want. No matter how sweet we are no matter how romantic we try to be and sensitive and fun and funny and just all around great guys. In the end they have the power to just say, "no thank you" How does this part of life work? Where do you couples find each other? Why have i not found you yet? I need to take it easy.



I need to take it easy.