"When Your Mind's Made Up" from "Once"

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so
if you ever want something
and your call comes
then I'll come running
to fight
and I'll be at your door
when there's nothing
worth running for

when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to change it
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to stop it

you see
you're just like everyone
when the shit falls
all you want to do is run
away
and hide all by yourself
when it's far from
there's nothing else

when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to change it
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point even talking
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to fight it
when your mind's
your mind's
there's no point trying to change it

so
if you ever want something
when your call comes
then I'll come running

(via Awake Dreaming)

Now I know I am truly alone with these feelings. I won't love again. I refuse to hurt this much again. All the joy turned to pain. Everyday all the same.

(via Awake Dreaming)

I thought your road might lead back to me, now I think you want me to be nothing more than a memory.

(via Awake Dreaming)

Walking in Umstead Park, why? It has been two months and Sarah already has a new boy. I'm upset, but also a little relieved, I have some closure.

I am jealous, though not of him only what he represents: her moving on, forgetting me and her love for me.

But I cannot control her like I cannot control the wind. I can control my direction.

I will keep my love for her and my body pure, not for her but for me. I will embrace my love and let it flow out of me freely.

Love. Hate. Joy. Anxiety. Bliss. Loneliness. She is now the perfect muse.

And I? I am a writer!

(via Awake Dreaming)

Your heart was locked I had the key...

So far I'm 9571 words into #NaNoWriMo and just ending the fourth day. I'm ahead!

So it's good, the main character (James, wonder who that could represent) is now seeing his roommate seriously (named Amy, love that name), and just had his first run-in with his ex (Scarlett *cough*) for the first time in a few years.

It's BAD. It's very very bad. But it's also almost 10k words and it's a bit self-medicating. I like writing badly, because if I like how it ends up then I can always go through and edit the hell out of it to make it awesome.

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In other news: Stevan and me are stuck in very similar situations and enjoy talking misery to each other. Emo kids. <3

In summary: Love sucks, girls are stupid, and guys aren't any better.

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Been doing a lot of cleaning, took out two trash bags before I was overcome by DUST monsters trying to kill me. I'll go back into the trench tomorrow, armed and dangerous.

Been doing a little HP reading, Goblet of Fire to be exact. Though I just got Dorian Gray and Dragonflight from Ed McKay's (Used Bookstore) so I'll be opening one of them up soon too. I was reading Myst again, but that's kind of boring right now, so I'll refinish it later. =P

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Two months of being single. A month and a half of not talking to Sarah.

I hate this. I want to talk to her so bad, but I don't want to be the one that calls first. I feel like some dumb ass competition that I'm too stubborn to lose, even though I know I can't win, and it's just a matter of how MUCH I lose by.

Still I resist calling her because I'm also afraid of scaring her off, or of annoying her.

I found a random note pad that I had, and I guess she had found it too at one point. She wrote huge on one page "I LOVE YOU!