Fresh ocean air running against my face.
Wind: whipping wild from the west while I watch several waves wash inward, whistling away slowly in a soft, silvery sound.
Blinding beautiful sun gleaming over the water
and across the sand.
My inner warmth
defeats the outer chill.

(via Cralls)

So here I am.
In my room surrounded by two strangers.
But who is a stranger to me?
And who, on this earth, could possibly NOT be a stranger?

The windows are shut to keep the sweet smell of berry incense swirling amidst my room.
Aromatic?
or
Cancerous?

The moon is something special tonight.
Or perhaps
the more correct way
to say that would be
my view of the moon is something special
for does the moon change?
Or does the moon ever not change?

A thin travelling cloud
moves across the moon.
The moon shines
through the sheet as if
there were none
and creates a strange 
orange aura surrounding itself
as a forcefield protects
its creator.

What does the moon need
protection against?
What would dare 
harm the moon?
What has so little a heart
as to harm the moon?

It's beauty 
glows for all
never selfish
alway selfless
The moon does not
over shine with arrogance 
like the sun
The moon does not 
keep all its glory
like a rock
The moon shares
its light
and its magnificence 
while not overpowering
or pushing itself upon anyone
it sits...
beautiful...
waiting...
for us to admire 
by our own will.

 

(via Cralls)

The Bible is just a book of words. It is a book of words written by man under the influence and direction of God. Yet it is still just a book. Still just a compilation of words. The Bible was not written until thousands of years after Adam was created, and even just the laws given to Moses wasn't until thousands of years after Adam was created. This shows that the Bible is not what's important. For thousands of years, people were able to obey God and live according to how he wants us to. 
I think that many people take the Bible as Christianity. The Bible IS God. This is crazy. The Bible is God's WORD. What is a word? Words are nothing. If I say I'm going to run... it means nothing. Words describe. The word 'bird' is not a bird. It simply points to a bird. 

The Bible is not God, it is simply his word. If we take the Bible and read it and memorize it and love it.... it means nothing.
What we need to do is to love and worship GOD... not his word.

Now, his word can be helpful. We must listen to him and we can learn how to get to God, how to find him and live with him. But finding out how to live is not living. God is not the Bible, the Bible simply directs us towards God.
We must realize this.

(via Cralls)

James 1:19-25 talks about how when a person looks into a mirror, they do not forget themselves.
Why does one look in a mirror?
Do look for anything that they'd like to change about their appearance. It would be pointless to look in a mirror and then forgot all about it.
Why do it in the first place?
We should look in the Bible [and God and all situations in life] as we do a mirror. Look at how we can improve and then remember this and improve.



Joby today said that every week he would have a 'donut' day with one of the kids. This last week was with Micah. He asked Micah what he thought some things he could improve as a daddy were. His son said that he wished he still snuggled with him, wished that he helped out with school more, and that he wouldn't get so angry at them.

Joby could have responded with something like, "Well if you would just behave I wouldn't have to get angry!" But that would defeat the purpose. He knows that he needs constant reminding of how to correctly behave. 

I am going to start asking people how I can improve. Like at work. I am going to ask what things I can do better or things I can do less of. And I have to be open to answers. I need to get past my pride and take in the criticism to create 'constructive criticism'. 

(via Cralls)

 arrrrrrrrrrrg
It can be so hard to be selfless!!
bahaha

But I have noticed how much better I feel.
When I am selfless, I suddenly don't .. haha care about myself, I know, duh.
But... it's almost like that Joker ideal.
I can get hurt though, when other people hurt, I hurt.
But suddenly all these things that happen to me don't hurt.
And the sympathetic hurt is different... it's like... like I don't feel a guilt for being selfish.
I've found that it feels different when I'm sad for me, than when I'm sad for someone else.

But gosh dang it's hard.

(via Cralls)

 rrrrrrrrrrrrrarg.I need to not be selfish.
I need to not be scared.
I need to trust in God.
I need to learn to wait.
I need to look past fear to be able to wait in order to not be selfish and I can only do it with trust in God.

(via Cralls)

"It's not that she doesn't care, it's that it doesn't affect her."

(via Cralls)

 I'm watching a movie about heartbreak [High Fidelity].
I don't know if this is mean or not, but I feel better.
:/
Now I don't have quite as much heartache but I feel guilty.
Sweet.

(via Cralls)

             Here is the paper I had to write for my eastern religions class. And wow. I'm writing about eastern philosophy [in which I was practicing] and am reading haikus and drinking tea. Geez I feel Asian. Haha But I swear I'm not one of those crazy Japanese wannabes. I love America!

            "... I have been writing poetry all this last week. I am getting very into the haiku. One of the wonderful things about haiku is its common usage for little more than speculation of nature; it’s not generally a huge display of inner feelings. The poet that I look at the most is Matsuo Bashō. Matsuo Bashō was a practitioner of Zen and put forth this feeling of relaxation that I feel very close connected to wu wei. I am dealing with some personal issues [sorry, they are personal pal] and I wanted to write poetry. Nothing comes out though, so I decide to go for a walk instead. I feel very much like going on a walk. Immediately upon entering the outside I see the sunset and a stream words run through my mind. I reenter the house and write them in a small notebook. It comes out a beautiful haiku, at least the first two lines. I sit on bed trying so hard to write a third line, but feel nothing. Eventually I give up and just force a line in and feel very unsatisfied with the result. Later I start struggling with the personal issue again, so I hop into my truck start to drive. I have no idea where I’m headed. I just drive.
            I end up at my favorite coffee shop, The Beanery. I pull up and walk inside the shop feeling instantly better. I really do love this place. I order a pot of tea and sit down at a small table for two. I pull out my small pocket notebook and open up to the last page I’ve written on. There I see two wonderful lines, one a perfect five syllables and another a perfect seven. And below these cowers one last line. A five-syllable catastrophe. I turn the book over and lay it on the table in disgust as I pour myself a cup of tea.
            The tea tastes so wonderful. It warms up my body and entire soul. I look around and notice a kid sitting in front of me reading a newspaper. Then I look at two ladies to my left catching up on all the important gossip. I look down at my notebook. I go back for another sip of tea. Then I grab the book and take another glance at the poem. Suddenly I realize the ending. “Gazing at the Heavens.” It is a 6-syllable phrase but it is perfect. I can’t help but smile at the glorious poem that rests in front of me. I close the book and finish the tea. On my way home, I sing to all the songs of a CD that meant nothing to me on the drive over.
            When I get home I get on the computer and notice a girl named Elizabeth is on. She is going through pretty much the exact same [personal] situation as I am and had actually wanted to go with me before I’d ever left. [Wherever it was I was headed]. I now feel very free and very relaxed. My mind is no longer cluttered with the thoughts it was before. Unfortunately for the poor girl, the thoughts remain.
            I look at this situation now and notice that I had moved with the flow of life. I stopped trying to force write poetry, I stopped trying to force finish a poem, and I stopped trying to stop thinking. I just took things one step at a time. I took a walk because I was restless in my room. I went for a drive because I was restless even after the walk. I planned no destination for either, but instead went wherever I was naturally ‘led’. By doing this, I wrote and finished a poem and was able to relax and clear my thoughts. And no effort was put forth whatsoever. I did not try to achieve any of this. I had hoped for a clear mind and good poem, but that is not the reason for the direction I took. [It wasn’t this assignment either, but possibly some of your teachings had become implanted in my brain?] I took those actions because that was what I felt I ‘should’ do. It felt like that was the way the current in the river was flowing.
            If I had not gone with these instincts, I can guaranty that I would have ended up like Elizabeth, completely in the same situation as before. In fact, it’d probably have been worse as I would have tried to stop these bad feelings and create a poem by forcing them against the grain of the wood as apposed to with it."

(via Cralls)

aarrrrrrgggararagargargarlkjsdf
I can't stop thinking about myself.
That's all I do and I am at wits end at how to stop and on the brink of going crazy every time I realize I think it's all about me.
lrlrarrrrrrrrrrrr

(via Cralls)

  wow. I went to church today. It was phenomenal.He talked about how God's economy [Economy in the sense of 'management of the household'] was his oneness as: 

Father
Son
Holy Spirit

We are one through physical, spirit, and soul and he is focusing on the soul aspect. [I think he actually says spirit but I interpret the words differently. He is speaking of the part of us that connects to Him].
This is broken into: 

Intelligence
Emotion
Will

We connect and make those three elements as one, which allows us to become one with God.
The World's economy however, takes those three elements and changes the driving force of each one.

So, 
Intelligence is run by Pride.
Emotions are run by Selfishness.
Will is run by rebellion.

Through this, we are connected with Satan as apposed to God.
And this breaks the connection with God.

So instead of pride, we need humility.
Instead of selfishness, we need selflessness.
Instead of rebellion, we need obedience.

This will restore our oneness with God, and break it with Satan.

His wife gave a story about how she is addicted to solitaire. She will play it for hours and cannot stop herself.
So she makes sure that she turns the screen off, closes her eyes and focuses completely on God.
She prays that she will be humble and do as God wants. A game of solitaire isn't bad, but for hours when much more productive things could be getting done is not what God will probably want. 
Then she prays for her emotions. When she plays, all stress goes away and she just focuses on the game. So she didn't want to stop doing it because of her selfishness. It made her feel better. She asked God to help open her up so she would serve God as opposed to herself.
Then she prayed that God would give her the will to do so.

In this way, she becomes one with God. And through this, you are able to give to Him, and Him back to you.

Many Christians think that Christianity is about sin. It is about getting rid of the sin and living with 'correct' actions.
But really, we need to have a dependance on God. We cannot be independent. Paul talks about how nothing is unclean.
He says that all things are lawful, but not all are profitable. 
Playing solitaire may be fine, but to the degree she was was certainly not profitable.
We aren't supposed to look at law and rules so we can leave a 'sinless' life.
We need to listen to God, and do what he wants.
The rules in the Bible can be wonderful guidelines,  but God may not want you to follow a certain law in a certain situation.
[ie David eats the sacred bread in the temple. It is against one of God's laws, but God told him to because he needed to survive].
It is the spirit behind the law.
[As a side note, that can be very dangerous. By thinking of just the spirit of the law, it is easy to do whatever you want and claim that it's what God wants and it is really what the law stands for. We must be certain to listen to God, not ourselves].


If our economy with God is healthy then we will become one with him,
and that is the true point of Christianity. [and life really]

(via Cralls)

I was in a parking lot today and putting my wallet in my pocket. [so I wasn't really paying attention]
I didn't actually have my gas on the pedal, but I was still moving. I looked up and realized a car that was about to pass in front of me
so I quickly stopped. I apologized but the lady was so pissed.
Her window was rolled down [it is such a beautiful day] and she was cussing at me and telling me to pay attention.
I was a little confused because I'm pretty sure there was no adrenaline rush at all. Even if I never saw her, and if she wasn't paying attention either and we hit, we would have gotten a jerk and possible minor damage to the car. Sucks, but.. I mean.. come on.

She continued going and turned on the little road thing in the parking lot and started yelling at me again telling me to 
"learn how to fucking drive son."

I feel really bad for someone who gets so worked up over such a situation.
I honestly.. i mean, don't get me wrong, I was a little mad that she was blaming me at a level that I really don't think was there, but..
I keep praying that she will be able to open up and not be so easy to snap, because I think she'd be much happier if she were able to.

(via Cralls)

Just watched The Butterfly Effect.
So good.
Anyway, this is just another sign of evidence to not take things into your own hand.
It's actually a little different from that, but it seems to really say that you can't change things.
In fact, the only way he was able to change things for the better was through self sacrifice.
It stopped becoming about him.

(via Cralls)