Paxil and Me

The first time that I noticed that I had a problem with depression had to be my Sophmore year of college. I began doing things that were very out of character: sleeping 12-16 hours a day, being sexually promiscuous and drinking heavily. I acted so happy all the time to …

Strange Encounter

I decided to putter here tonight. I wanted to peel myself from TiVo for a bit, turn up the tunes and just express myself. And then, while I was searching through the internet for some artwork that I love and want to put on this blog page, I wandered into something sad. …

Tea and Crumpets at Five O'Clock

I am home. I am finally home, in my little place, all to myself. The phone hasn't rung once. I finished my novel this morning, as well as a movie. I finally showered at 4 O'Clock. And I am getting ready to sit down with another. I don't know yet how I am adjusting to …

Growing Up Is Hard to Do

I am beside myself with contemplativeness. (Is that even a word?) I want to spill myself completely on this page at this moment, with no regrets, nothing holding me back. I want to sing loudly and without reservation, dance like the scary white girl I am, and clean …

The Period Between Planning and Packing

Good morning friends and lovers --

Yes, I am up early for a girl that no longer has responsibilities to school. But I have a pre-employment physical today at 1000, and I made the mistake of having a cocktail last night at 2100. So, I woke up at 0645, unwilling but …

Odd Dana Day

Everything tastes like shit today. Literally. Everything I put in my mouth (except for my friend vodka tonic) tastes like dirt. And considering that eating is one of my passions, I find this very disturbing and sad. Today has been fueled by juice, an orange, yogurt and …

The Devil in the White City / Why I Am Not Sleeping Tonight

So...just finished Larson's "The Devil in the White City" and I have to admit that while I am a fan of history and of true crime, I found myself skimming while I was reading this book. When the author got too heavy in quotes (which were of the time period of the late …

So...This is What an Update Feels Like

I got up this morning at 1130. It is now 1400 and I have not showered, eaten or brushed my teeth. I have not gotten a call from my mother, I have no homework due, and Dan is in Miami waiting for a connecting flight to Guatemala. I am alone, the sun is shining, and the …

Dear Little Girl

Dear 5 year-old Dana,

I have been thinking a lot about you since yesterday. Your 23 year-old counterpart stood up to your mother yesterday and told her that you wanted to live with your boyfriend in Kalamazoo after you graduate college. I'm sure you never anticipated …

In Love With...

Dana is the proud new owner of a 5000 dollar loan! Yeah!

This money means that I will go to Vietnam, that I will be moved and amazed by my strength to go across the world to a different culture and place without the safety of my parents. I love the idea that this …

Dana as the Burden

There are just some days when I feel like a burden to everyone, especially my parents. Yesterday I found out that I do not have enough FAFSA money to take me to Vietnam in May, and that I have to get an alternative (private) loan through a company. I told my parents all …

The Impermanence of All Things

On my way back to the Shitty today from Wigeon, my car decided to lose coolant and overheat. And for some divine intervention's reason, the auto shop doesn't know if they can get to it today. Perhaps this was the sign I needed to say "You really don't need to get your …

Mum's the Word

The new thing to talk about as of late in my family and circle of friends is what I am going to do after graduation.

Never mind that I haven't even finished my last semester of school yet.

And I have been driving myself NUTS about this whole ordeal. My boyfriend …

A New Year, The Same Beginning

So, for Christmas this year, instead of a sweater or the underwear that I asked for, my mother got me an "Angel of Wishes" so I will "Always hold onto my dreams."

Silly thing is that anymore I don't know what those dreams are.

I know what my mother meant by this …

But Shouldn't You Be In Class...?

Why, yes, folks. I should be in class. However, my professor cancelled class last night at 2230. Yeah, I didn't get that notice until 0800 this morning. It sucked. I wish I could have gone back to bed or even just enjoyed that I didn't have class today. Rather, I am …

An Open Letter

Dear Friends, Acquaintances and Complete Strangers,

Yes, it has been over two months since I have been on this site. I almost forgot that I had an account here. I almost forgot that I had you in my life. I could chalk it up to school (which would be true), my hectic …

Roman Catholicism -or- How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Myself

To begin this spiritual journey, I must go back to the beginning. And to go back will lead to many stories about those in my life, as well as stories about the most mundane moments of my life. Nevertheless, I begin...

When my mother and biological father got married, …

Health Behavior Project

For the next two months, I have to work on a health behavior project for my Nursing 460 class. My journal will reflect this project faithfully as I explore something I have breeched a few times already: religion and my place within it.

I don't know how interesting it …

No Place Like Home

I can't believe it. I am finally here. I am in my place, surrounded by my things, drinking my coffee. Wow. I never thought something so simple could be so beautiful and wonderful.

I had a fitful sleep last night. I kept on waking up in the weirdest positions: with my …

The Last Hashing

I was 5 years old the first time I remember my mother calling my biological father "Jerkface". This was how she refered to him in her dealings with him, which at that time was great. He was regularly seeing my siblings and I, paying child support and what not, and she …