<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>
<rss version="2.0">
  <channel>
    <title>.elizabeth.</title>
    <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth</link>
    <description><![CDATA[Elizabeth is eighteen years old. her birth certificate says elizabeth rose, but she has many aliases. She's a born and bred jersey girl, but doesn't have much of an accent. Her third grade teacher said she read too much. She's a daydreamer. A catholic priest once told her she'd be an amazing nun - and she's still trying to figure out what that means.

She enjoys bubbletea and conversing in french and reading about theology - she wants to major in it hopefully and be a minister. Her intentions are always for the best but much to her dismay, things tend to end up disasterously. She believes in preserving innocence and that love can conquer anything and that dandelions are not weeds.  

She knits and sews and makes most of her own clothes. She writes and draws in a black moleskine journal all day long. She loves bermuda and small children with red balloons and wishes that she had more opportunities to cry happy tears becuase she believes life, underneath it all is heartbreakingly beautiful.

oh and this is the first time in her life that she's referred to herself exclusively in the third person. she doesn't think she likes it.  ]]></description>
    <generator>Virb 2.0 (@darlingelizabeth)</generator>
    <language>en</language>
    <item>
      <title>MyPicture</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1311685</link>
      <description><![CDATA[<a href="http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1311685"><img src="http://g.virbcdn.com/i/resize_575x575/Image-82196-582131-MyPicture.jpg" /></a>]]></description>
      <pubDate>Thu, 14 Jun 2007 18:33:25 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1311685</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>MyPicture</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1303242</link>
      <description><![CDATA[<a href="http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1303242"><img src="http://g.virbcdn.com/i/resize_575x575/Image-82196-560831-MyPicture.jpg" /></a>]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sat, 09 Jun 2007 12:42:14 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1303242</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Photo 81</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1271828</link>
      <description><![CDATA[<a href="http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1271828"><img src="http://g.virbcdn.com/i/resize_575x575/Image-82196-484691-Photo81.jpg" /></a>]]></description>
      <pubDate>Mon, 21 May 2007 18:23:47 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1271828</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>fun with photobooth :)</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1225351</link>
      <description><![CDATA[<a href="http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1225351"><img src="http://g.virbcdn.com/i/resize_575x575/Image-82196-368593-Photo51.jpg" /></a>]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sat, 21 Apr 2007 19:28:12 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1225351</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>fun with photobooth :)</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1225350</link>
      <description><![CDATA[<a href="http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1225350"><img src="http://g.virbcdn.com/i/resize_575x575/Image-82196-368591-Photo49.jpg" /></a>]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sat, 21 Apr 2007 19:28:09 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/photos/1225350</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>New Eyes</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/170583</link>
      <description><![CDATA[It was day three in the pink bathrobe that my grandmother bought me for my birthday and the argyle socks as I stared our at my backyard, peeking my head out through those blue and green gauzy curtains that I bought not too long ago and that Aslan has taken upon himself to shred.

Fuck curtains.  I said out loud. Or maybe I just thought it. It didn't make a difference.

 Maybe I didn't deserve to be happy. That was the only logical explanation. I do not deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to stand before big my big beautiful plans the thoughts of which bring tears to the corners of my eyes where the eyeliner always gets clumpy and that half smile only big enough to make my right dimple show.

Middlesex. Calvin College. Yale Divinity School. Only God knows where from there. 

I tried to think and recreate my little tear dimple moment.

It doesn't work. I don't know when it hit me, walking through the mall in my cowboy boots and that mini dress that mommy doesn't let me wear in public.

Abbe has been joking about how one morning I'm going to wake up, look in the mirror and a lesbian is going to be staring back at me. 

high pitched laugh. cross knees. hair flip. Bite lip. Change the subject.

Bisexual. Its so safe.

There she was. It was Ann Taylor as I rounded the corner catching a glimpse of myself.

There she was. In a red dress, highlighted hair, snakeskin cowboy boots and the big bag that she stole from her mom...She smirked, tossed her hair a little and then she must have climbed into my skin

Do you have glasses? I don't but apparently nothing is better than putting on new glasses and being able to see. Everything is clear and you can read again and stuff. 

When I was fifteen I realized that I has some feelings for the lady folk and I wrote 'I am gay and god is dead' in red lipstick on my door. 

It's still there. I can see it out of the corner of my eye. And its true. Whatever god I was waltzing with back then is dead. I've learned to open my eyes to a bigger reality with a bigger God.

So here I am in my pink bathrobe and argyle socks looking out my back window with my new eyes. 

Middlesex. Calvin College. Yale Divinity School. They're all spread out a lot wider but within grasp if it really matters.  My friend says that there is no questioning  

I'm a brave girl, but believe me when I  tell you, I am scared
]]></description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 10 Aug 2007 03:13:56 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/170583</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>something for you to disregard completely</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/131840</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I went shopping in little india today and I stopped for lunch - a sack of samosas and a mango lassi and as I was sitting and eating I noticed that I was the only woman who was showing both her knees, elbows and neck. All of the other women were covered from head to toe sitting quietly beside their husbands who were chattering away to each other. 

Needless to say there was nothing I wanted to do more than slip on the new skirt I just purchased at the sari shop that came down to my feet and blend in a little more (my ivory skin would still pose a problem, but we can all look past that). Above all of that, the women all looked at me with disgust. I felt like a dalit amoung brahmins quietly flipping through my knitting magazine not making eye contact with anyone.

It was there, sitting in that resturaunt that I decided that I have to have children. Growing up my mother told me that I could do anything I wanted and that I was better than a boy. That arrogance will follow me all the days of my life :). I will have a handful of daughters with long beautiful strong names who will be raised to be self sufficient, aware of their own beauty, owners of their bodies and totally undomesticated. They will know how to bake souffles and use power tools (just like their mom). they will knit, sew and have a perfect spin on a football. they will never be ashamed of their bodies. They will speak their minds without ever being feminazis. 

bottomline: if you see a too tall white girl in a mini skirt and camisole in a fast food indian dive in iselin - show some love - her kids are gonna be slappin you around someday :)]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sat, 14 Jul 2007 22:06:51 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/131840</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Good</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/127293</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Its raining outside my window - I just got new drapes they're electric blue and lime green which makes my room a little bit crazier. They make me smile and smiling is important. I think Aslan likes them too, and if he's happy, I'm happy. I never thought I would love anything as much as I love him and I think he loves me back.

I was out today, walking around in my red heels and I realized that I am a girl without a people. I'm not really in college. I'm not in high school. I'm not an adult, I'm not a kid. I'm not a democrat or a republican. I'm christian but i have no denomination and I am kind of a heretic. So for a second I felt very very lost and very very scared and then I burst out laughing becuase iIwas hit with a bolt of lightning of wisdom:

I am a very happy girl with a very happy cat living simply in a very complicated world and I can accept that or I can try to shimmy into a mold or two that I will never fit.

I feel like I should be scared and nervous because it seems like everyone else it afraid of something or worrying about the future and all I can seem to do is smile and be absolutely certain that despite all of the crap around us everything is going to be okay. You would be amazed at how angry it makes people

my mom says I'm stupid.
my pastor says that I have the best kind of faith.
I say i'm just doing my thing.


btw - I just watched elizabethtown which is like my new favourite movie becuase I am exactly like Claire and I am in love with this quote:

"No true fiasco ever began as a quest for mere adequacy. A motto of the British Special Air Force is: 'Those who risk, win.' A single green vine shoot is able to grow through cement. The Pacific Northwestern salmon beats itself bloody on it's quest to travel hundreds of miles upstream against the current, with a single purpose, sex of course, but also... life "]]></description>
      <pubDate>Wed, 11 Jul 2007 20:56:10 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/127293</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>moleskine wisdom</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/122313</link>
      <description><![CDATA[i found this written on a piece of paper in the back of my journal from febuary and I absolutely love it:

i believe in art.

i believe that grafitti on subway cars can be just as beautiful as masterpieces in the museum.

i believe that the quality of maracas and tambourines can surpass symphonies 

i believe in love.

i believe that the shy smiles of children can melt the hearts of cruel dictators.

i believe that unity is not syonymous with homogeny.

and that we must love one another or die 

because love wins.

i believe that love - sexual or emotional is valid in all forms and sarced.

and that only unhappy people judge people

i believe in another world that is coming

with streets of green

i believe that change will only come only when we bring it.

i believe that God is peeling away at the layers of hate in our hearts like ugly retro wallpaper and whispering that we are beautiful in our ears.

i believe that we could be doing better than we are.

i don't know the excuses that we'll make to further generations. "We we're just following orders" has grown stale.

i don't think they'll accept our excuses

so i hope we can drop the egos apologize

provided that we haven't destroyed everything ,

i believe that if we orient our lives in a way that is beautiful and productive, we won't have to make excuses, and we'll have nothing to apologize for 

i believe that we can only pledge alliegience to ourselves 

'cause we're all free agents.

i believe that the time for dreaming is coming to an end, and the time for doing is on the horizon.


I'm ready, are you?

]]></description>
      <pubDate>Mon, 09 Jul 2007 02:30:40 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/122313</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Happiness</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/122196</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I do a little experiment whenever I walk into a church. I pretend I'm Junia or Pheobe or one of those other super cool church mothers who I pray that I can live up to and I wonder what their reaction would be. Once upon a time people heard this message that affected them in such a way that they allowed themselves to be thrown to the lions and we're practically afraid to bring up religion in a secular setting. I wonder what they would make of our service. What would they think when Fr. Perrrini yelled "no more of this five dollar offering stuff. make a damn sacrifice" and saw us all in our shirts, ties and gold crosses? Would they be confused? Depressed?

I was flipping through my copy of the Message (which honestly i don't really like, but my TNIV is such a small font that i'm gonna go blind reading it) and I see how much of it is about happiness. Jesus was really happy. I can't help thinking of Matt 28-30 as so much of what Jesus was all about in a nutshell:


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (TNIV)



What happened to that? Growing up I couldn't wait to wriggle out of being a christian because it was all rules. I remember being fifteen and lying in bed freaking out because I kissed a girl and was afraid to confession and that no matter how good I was I was going to go to hell. The god that was in my head was god of justice who loved those who behaved themselves.

Lets face it, no one really behaves themselves.

So I have been rethinking my christianity. I have decided that I will do everything short of sin to be happy because the other day on the subway I came to the conclusion that God really really wants me to be happy becuase he knows that if I'm happy I'll be nice to people and my hair will stop turning gray and I'll really be able to do His will.

So I have taped that verse to my steering wheel started pondering what Jesus would really want me to do and I have a manifesto

I am taking my life back.

I'm gonna roll down the windows and turn up the volume.

I'm going grocery shopping in high heels and red lipstick - because I can

I'm only buying cute underwear from now on.

I'm going to fall totally in love with myself

When sweet caroline comes on the radio in target - I am going to dance.

I'm going to wear that gray wool jumper with my doc martens even if you say it makes me look weird

I'm going to forgive people before they apologize

I'm going to drink champagne before noon.

I am going to knit something red

I am going to paint all of nails different color.

I am going to wear my pink wellies when its raining

I'm only going to say what I mean

I'm going to eat strawberry ice cream whenever it crosses my path

I'm goint yo take a million pictures

I'm gonna keep chasing the horizon.

forever. 

this is so exciting

you should come to]]></description>
      <pubDate>Mon, 09 Jul 2007 00:27:17 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/122196</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Why did the fire go out?</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/95001</link>
      <description><![CDATA[So i don't really blog too much on here (if you really want to pick my brain apart go to www.dandelionfolly.blogspot.com i update constantly)

this was on my mind though and i kind of wanted a response from...anyone....

I stared down at my addidas shoes box full of CDs. It was about 78 degrees out - perfect in my little skirt, cami, and flip flops so the music had to be perfect. My cat had just run away and i had to go down to the animal shelter to see if he was there. 

There was one CD under the passenger seat- something I obviously hadn't listened to in while. I reached down there, my curiousity burning me alive.

mewithoutYou. The cover glared up at me as if calling me a chump,challenging to me to put it in the CD player and see where it led me. I popped out Sinead O'Connor and put the disc in.

Part of me says that I should have resisted. I should have just put on Jars of Clay or the radio or something and went about my normal happy stagnant day. maybe I wouldn't have had to drive down to the boat dock and stare down at the raritan river and wonder what the hell happened. 

There was a time in my life when I threw out all of my clothes, stopped eating meat, stopped watching TV, and prayed all day long. God and i were in constant dialogue and there was no one i would rather talk to. I knew beyond all shadow of doubt that he really really loved me no matter what. A time when 'religion' was a sattle and I was a wild pony. A time when spending my entire paycheck on cans for the food pantry made perfect sense. A time when I knew that everything was a gift. A time when i was good to everyone because God was good to me. On sunday morning I would make sandwiches and listen to mewithoutYou and them put them in bags and drive them to a soup kitchen in new brunswick and then go out for mexican with my mom. 

...I don't do that any more. I wake up late, put on makeup, brush my hair and pick out a sweater set and knee legnth skirt so i can go to church, sit in the back row, kiss everyone on the cheek, smile and then drive home still carrying that bitter ache, plagued by doubts - constantly wondering if an hour and a half on sunday morning is what Christ had in mind.

I don't even think I'm a christian anymore. I don't know if I'm following Christ at all. Reading that sentence is pretty painful - I constantly give people advice about spiritual things and they think I'm so insightful and so holy and I listen to christian music in the car and I constantly journal about theological things (I have little debates with myself) and i still read lots of biblical commentary. I went to a freakin Hillsong United concert two weeks ago and jumped up like you've never seen me jump up and down before. I have Jeremy Camp tickets for august. I look the part. I look like the cutest little stereotypical christian girl you've ever see. Have you ever seen 'Saved!', you know the girls in that movie? Thats what i'm talkin about.

the King has left the building. I went to the boat dock on saturday to mourn a time when my faith was insane. A time when all i wanted was to get rid off all my baggage so I could partner with Jesus and take on the world and all of the corruption that was strangling it. 

What happened?

When did i become domesticated?


]]></description>
      <pubDate>Mon, 18 Jun 2007 22:30:28 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/95001</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Worth</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/18881</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I always tell my kids at work that they shouldn't judge themselves based on anyone elses standards becuase it will only make them sad. All they can ever be is themself. My mother drove it in to my head when i was little "elizabeth, just be the best version of yourself, the only opinion that matters is yours."

Its a good creed. Nice words, it makes sense. In theory.

We have a new girl at work. She is sweet and flaky and beautiful. She wears flip flops every day, flips her hair like a pony and goes tanning. I read medieval literature, put my hair in a bun every day, never wear makeup and knit. 

They have totally ostracized me. I have been kicked out of the inner circle of Menlo Park School Latchkey because I - published poet and future theologian am not as pretty as Brittany - future kindergarten teacher.

So I have a confession to make: I don't practice what I preach. I put on mascara and lipstick before work (afterall you have to be stunning to work with little kids) and change into jeans to looks more normal, straighten my hair and when they still give me nasty looks, I go home and cry. I feel worthless when I'm at work and I live in constant fear of how I'll be treated when I get there. 

I never found myself bad looking until this new girl showed up and now I look in the mirror and cringe. Ugly. Every thought that goes through my head is toxic. I am living by everyone elses standards. people tell me look nice and I smile and then this emotional cigarette comes and burns it - ugh what jerks why do they have to lie like that?"

does that make me a bad person?

what's wrong with me?
]]></description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 27 Apr 2007 12:49:23 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/18881</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>That trashy red dress</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/9764</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I do not live on the edge. I know that about myself and usually I am quite content there, but yesterday something came over me that I cannot explain.

I was in american apparel in Noho and a dress caught my eye.

It was short, red, had a low back and a scoop neck. this is the dress : http://store.americanapparel.net/rsa8340.html

So I grab one and run back into the dressing room to try it on, thinking that maybe I could wear it with boots and big sunglasses and pretend that i'm a gogo dancer or something. I have no idea where these ideas come from.

no.

I try it on and look in the mirror with one eye knowing that if it looks as horrible as it feels I am done. I looked like marilyn monroe. 


I wil never be trashy. I was horrified. It felt painted on, and as much as i like paint it didn't work.

Mournfully, I put it back on its hanger and walked out consoling myself with an entire pint of Coldstone cotton candy ice cream which was great until i got up to union square park and people were protesting and all i could think of was the Nooma video Rich and how badly my stomach hurt.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 22 Apr 2007 10:18:38 -0700</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/darlingelizabeth/posts/text/9764</guid>
    </item>
  </channel>
</rss>
