After many weeks of nonstop problems with Windows Live Messenger, I decided to look elsewhere for a decent IM application. I didn't want to lose contact with friends that used the MSN service so I decided upon the Trillian client so that multiple services could be used at once. After loading up Trillian for the first time, I noticed a distinct lack of something. I had absolutely zero contacts that were in the web industry. Every one of my contacts where personal and people I knew offline and I wanted that to change so I started thinking about people to add. I then started thinking about a sort of etiquette for the social web and wondered if one exists for IM.

I had the personal feeling that there were some unwritten rules for adding new contacts as it didn't seem quite right or polite to just go and add new people out of the blue. A lot of the contacts I had in mind display their IM information in public profiles such as on forums and their blogs but still I couldn't just take the information and add them. I kept thinking to myself, I can't them, they're too popular and why would they want to chat to me anyway? I felt like all of the more well know people out there just chat amongst themselves in a secret group surrounded by elitism.

But then, their information is publicly available. Does posting this information online for all to see mean that you're free to add those people? I'm undecided on that one. If you didn't want people adding you, surely you wouldn't make the information publicly available? Even with the contact information on display, it still didn't quite feel right to add them as contacts. I also couldn't quite figure out what was holding me back. Maybe there was an underlying fear of disappointment or rejection if I put myself out there and added them but they never accepted. I also felt like I needed a decent enough reason to add them, I couldn't add someone and not say anything but adding someone just to casually chat didn't seem like a good enough reason.

Even once I had added someone and they had accepted, what would I say? Are there boundaries around conversations and would I know when to stop bothering someone? Obviously there are times when you wouldn't want to start chatting. If they are set to 'busy' or 'away' then they probably don't want to be disturbed. But what if they're always 'busy'? I often have my status set this way but won't actually be doing anything. The trouble is, how could you know if they were actually busy or not as it's kind of against the rules to start chatting to someone who is busy.

All of these thoughts would add up to me not adding anyone to start with. If I wasn't going to chat with anyone, then why add them? And for those that are always away or busy, why did they accept if they didn't want to chat or you feel like they don't want to chat?

I'm probably over thinking this as I have a tendency to do with most things but that's just how I am. So do you think there's a rule of conduct you should follow when using IM? It may not be that complex a subject and may seem like common sense most of the time but it was enough to get me thinking and enough for me to write this entry. Please share your views on the subject! Also, feel free to visit my contact page and add me on IM!