Earlier today I stumbled across some faded photos of a failed experiment from my final year of high school -- the band known only as SPANK. It began as the antithesis to the dozens of acappella groups that were taking over the school, for we wanted to bring danger back to the table. The result was glorious. But after only a talent show performance and two gigs, the ride self-destructed.

Why? After more than eleven years, the reasons behind the split have long since been lost. I remember wanting us all to wear karate uniforms (each would have a different colored belt, with me being the sensei of the dojo) and playing more rap songs, but those ideas weren't well received.

My one regret is that we didn't go out on top like MJ. We should have quit after the first gig, because the second (and final) one was utterly painful on multiple levels. It would make a wonderful VH1 behind-the-music segment. But I don't regret the break-up of SPANK, as I firmly believe that the world is better off having never experienced our inevitable reign of terror.

What have I learned from SPANK? Stay in school. And always put on your pants one leg at a time.

So admire the photos that I've posted from way back in '96, for that is what could have been and what should not be. And if you close your eyes and listen intently, you just might hear in the distance a Blind Melon song being played just a little bit out of sync.