VIRB

i just realized that i'm three days shy of 4 weeks. 4 weeks of no income, 4 weeks of wondering how i'm going to eat, where i'm going to sleep, and 4 weeks of not knowing where i will be in the week following. so far, and i believe it will continue, the lord has provided for all of my needs. don't worry this is not a note about how if we're faithful god will provide because to be straight i've been far from it. to be honest i believe he thinks i'm crazy and is just giving me a hand to keep me as sane as possible. i'm not too sure what will be in store at the end of the journey but i will say that my eyes have been opened wide to who i am, good and bad, as well as how stagnant my life has become.
i don't fit in to the norm and most of my life i've tried so hard to out of fear. i hate the looks that i get when i say i dropped out of school; the looks i get when i say i'm pursuing art. i'm afraid of those looks. everytime a question about the future comes up directed towards me i remain composed on the outside but my insides become so anxious. this fear of mine has ruled my life. when i'm alone i construct pseudo-answers for those questions/people so that they will feel better about my life. i care more about how comfortable and stable my life is for others to deal with than i do about how comfortable and stable my life is for me to deal with. you will never meet anyone, i believe, that can bull shit as well as me. i can make up elaborate plans for myself that i know i will never pursue just so people have hope that i'm going places. then when everyone in the room is convinced i go outside, light up a cig, and try to convince myself.
all that to say that i'm done. i'm done with faking and trying to fit in. i dropped out of school world and i don't apologize if it makes you feel uneasy. please don't get me wrong. this life i've chosen isn't for everyone. it's for me. this isn't a call to arms to abandon your life and follow me. it's a call to arms to abandon any dreams in your head that aren't yours. it's a call to make your own. we were created, not the same, but different.
so yeah 3 days shy of 4 weeks. 4 weeks of no income, 4 weeks of not knowing what i'm going to eat or where i'm going to sleep...4 weeks of living my own life.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

drink it up friends. from your own cup please.

david