Posts
NovemberNov 20 Friday 09
Middle English
Living in this uninteresting village in the middle of England is not such a bad thing, even though I often complain about it. And about its inhabitants.
The surrounding countryside is beautiful here in Derbyshire and provides agreeable walks for me and Audrey; local …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
NovemberNov 19 Thursday 09
Telling Teenage Fortunes
No.53
When asked in later life if you have any regrets, this is what you will say: ‘None.’
This is what you will be thinking: ‘Fierce.’
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NovemberNov 16 Monday 09
Of Mice and Men
Don’t tell Nelson Galaxy, but, partly for reasons of virtue, partly because of the alarming state of my personal finances, and partly because of my strengthening resolve, I have decide not to drink this Christmas.
Nelson is expecting our usual festive fortnight of …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
NovemberNov 12 Thursday 09
Firework Fun
It’s a good job the idiot who lives next door to me loves his firework parties.
The one he held last weekend featured some of the loudest explosions known to man. If it wasn’t for him, I would have to resort to other means to make sure my little dog was frightened …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
NovemberNov 9 Monday 09
Keyboard Player Required (Again)
If you have a big organ or a piano that needs dusting off, get in touch. Enormous are in need of a pro-minded keyboard player. Think Steve Nieve and Jools Holland. If you can also sing backing vocals, we’ll wash you car and mow your lawn.
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Behold A Cold Horse
It’s so cold here at the moment. Not great for the young foal that was born last week in the icy field adjacent to the recreation ground on Lansbury Drive.
He must be wondering why he suddenly finds himself in such frosty conditions when only a few days ago he was …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
NovemberNov 5 Thursday 09
Ctrl-Alt-Divorce
I met Reg and Nigel at nine o’clock this morning. They were coming out of the Co-op supermarket with arms full of cans of Stella Artois.
‘Are you two drunk?’ I asked, incredulous.
‘You better believe it, Davy-Boy!’ Reg bellowed. ‘Been on the whiskey all …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
NovemberNov 1 Sunday 09
Treat
‘Trick or treat!’
‘I’ll have a treat, please.’
‘Pardon?’
‘I’ll have a treat, please,’ I repeated, holding out my hand.
‘But . . . erm . . . we ain’t got any.’ He looked around rather dejectedly at his small cohorts dressed as witches, ghouls …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
OctoberOct 28 Wednesday 09
Telling Teenage Fortunes
No.52
An old girlfriend from your schooldays will e-mail you out of the blue saying: ‘I’m divorced now. We should go out for a drink sometime.’
Your anxiety attacks will start again.
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Telling Teenage Fortunes
No.51
You will be invited to a school reunion and decide not to go.
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OctoberOct 25 Sunday 09
New Enormous Member
As predicted in Revelations, Enormous have eventually found a new piano player. Yay!
We here at Enormous HQ have puffed up our very proud bosoms and girded our loins to enable us to loudly proclaim: Welcome to the fold, Ryan Noon!
Imagine someone incredibly handsome and …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
OctoberOct 21 Wednesday 09
Demon Sperm
It appears that old demons, once considered entirely banished from these parts, are in fact able to make a stunning return.
I’m going to have a fight on my hands again, I can feel it. Still, being English, one doesn’t like to complain. Mustn’t grumble, and all …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
OctoberOct 19 Monday 09
Clang!
So, in my dream last night, I had some free time; no one was ill; Enormous had a new bass player – with hair – and a keyboardist who played piano like Steve Nieve; nobody was depressed; nobody was poor.
As happens regularly in my dreams, Audrey could speak English. …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
OctoberOct 15 Thursday 09
Babysitter Bassist Baby Issue
I was chatting to Walt, bassist with indie band The Babysitters yesterday. I have been trying to poach him for a few weeks now, using all my powers of manly seduction. I think Walt is a thoroughly agreeable chap and a very good musician – the kind of very good …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
OctoberOct 12 Monday 09
Telling Teenage Fortunes
No.50
You will renounce alcohol.
After a few months you will nounce alcohol again.
You will go on to renounce alcohol once more.
(You will probably nouce it again next week.)
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OctoberOct 9 Friday 09
Early Spurt
Audrey and I went for a jog at the crack of dawn today for the first time in months and we bumped into a woman with whom I was acquainted years ago. She used to look like a mutant version of Jennifer Aniston. This morning she just looked like a mutant.
She was jogging …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
OctoberOct 6 Tuesday 09
All Fall Down
The woman with the nasty big black Labrador was stalking us again this morning on the rec’.
I have never spoken to her but I find her rather irksome, to say the least. In fact, she annoys the hell out me – and Audrey. I firmly believe that certain people should not …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
OctoberOct 2 Friday 09
On Passing a Log
Several old and blighted horse chestnuts trees – providers of conkers for generations of local schoolboys – have been felled on the park recently, and some delightful teenagers were sitting on one of the big trunks yesterday when Audrey and I passed during our …
(via Enormous Reloaded)
SeptemberSep 28 Monday 09
Telling Teenage Fortunes
No.49
You will try really hard to like Charlie Parker.
You will realise you don’t like Charlie Parker.
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SeptemberSep 26 Saturday 09
Believe Her
So there I was yesterday searching through some of the old Big Arena Records podcasts we did last year and came across this little gem: Believe Her.
Another old song that has been recorded over the years in different forms. If I recall correctly, there is actually a …
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