Moving

I’m moving to a new home.
From this weekend you’ll find me at enormousreloaded.com
Please adjust your bookmarks accordingly - all three million of you.

(via Napoleon Fantastic)

House Party

The violent monkey-man who lived next door has moved out.
He had a ‘party’ with some of his stylish gentleman friends on Saturday night to celebrate his departure. It got very out of hand. There was noise, destruction on a grand scale and intimidation on a small …

(via Napoleon Fantastic)

Sex Education

‘You look well, Reg. Are you managing to stay of the booze?’
‘I am a bit, as it happens. Have you heard those kids over there?’ He pointed towards the teenagers that gather around the bandstand on the rec’. ‘Effing and blinding like nobody’s business. Lots …

(via Napoleon Fantastic)

Telling Teenage Fortunes

No.46
1.You will become enlightened.

2.You will become disillusioned.

3.You will find happiness in a French waitress in Clapham.

4.You will be abandoned.

5.You will lose your mojo.

6.You will learn to live with it.

7.You will get your mojo back.

8.You will discover the …

(via Napoleon Fantastic)

Gentleman Davy

‘Thank you. You’re a gentleman.’
I was holding the door to the bank open for a pretty woman with bright red lipstick and perfume that smelled a bit German. ‘There aren’t many of us left, you know.’
‘You can say that again.’ She fluttered her long …

(via Napoleon Fantastic)

Shine A Little Brighter

I thought dentists were supposed to be clever?
My usual one is away on holiday at the moment and I saw a chatty young locum this morning.
‘So what does our Davy Lawrence do when he’s not having his teeth checked then?’
I decided not to mention the studio. ‘I a …

(via Napoleon Fantastic)

Telling Teenage Fortunes

No.45
One rainy afternoon when you are showering and changing after a farcical game of rugby, your PE teacher will inform you and your male classmates that, for health reasons, the wearing of boxer shorts should be universally abandoned in favour of …

(via Napoleon Fantastic)

Folk Costumes of the World

Young men around here have begun dressing very oddly.
Males in their late teens, early twenties and even into their thirties and forties have all started wearing a similar bizarre outfit that would not look out of place in a circus. It consists mostly of a Nike sports …

(via Napoleon Fantastic)

Bass Hole

Enormous are still looking for a bass player. Think Bruce Thomas, Nick Lowe, Bruce Foxton or Jerry Scheff.
We also need a Hammond/Piano/Vox Continental player - just think Steve Naive.
If you think you fit the bill for either of these positions, mail me here or at …

(via Napoleon Fantastic)

Morning Starr

Sonny Starr, punk drummer extraordinaire, has just paid the studio an early morning visit. Once again, he came to ask me for some advice.

'I've given up playing the drums, I've given up punk,' he paused for effect, 'and, you're not gonna believe this, but . . . I've …

The Luck Of The Irish

I don't know if it's fate, or if my Irish roots are failing me, but I have been having rather a bad run of luck recently.

This morning I broke my favourite mug. It was a big bright Claris Cliff beauty - worth about

Telling Teenage Fortunes

No.33:

You will fall in love with someone you shouldn't've.

Gay Abandon

So it finally happened: Nelson Galaxy slept with a man.

I must say, it is rather exciting to have such a sexually emancipated character in the family, but I think he is feeling rather awkward about it now.

For Nelson, waking up with a hairy man in your bed is definitely …

That Anti-Cupid Touch

I'm in serious trouble with Reg. He collared me outside the supermarket this morning.

'Maria has fallen out with me - I knew she would.'

'So you took my advice, then?'

'Yes, and it's the last time I ever will.'

'She'll come round, Reg - you know what women are like.'

I …

Diamond Geezer

Reg is getting engaged to Maria, his Italian girlfriend. She's making him buy her a diamond ring.

'How much are you going to spend?' I asked him this morning while Audrey was chasing his tiny Jack Russell all over the recreation ground.

'To tell you the truth, Davy, my …

Sex And The Single Man

He isn't getting any.

Instead: a ghost story - well, it's better than watching television; the programmes on TV here in England at the moment would make an idiot weep.

I did once see a ghost. I was about 18 years-old and it was a strange experience to say the least.

I …

Telling Teenage Fortunes

No.32

You will see a ghost.

It will smile at you.

Obamarama

I'm so bored with the USA.

Especially the new president; Barack Obama is everywhere in the media at the moment.

Yes, he may be the most powerful man in the world and all that, but there are more important issues that we should be discussing.

For instance:

There is just …

England, My England

Allow me to be slightly negative - not like dear old Nelson who sometimes seems to be in a continuous condition of pessimism where every new disappointing thing that comes along ultimately affords him a kind of grim satisfaction - but somewhat condescending to my …

Again With The Klingons

I've just been chatting on the phone with Nelson Galaxy; he's been going on about how excited he is about the forthcoming release of the new Star Trek film.

The film apparently is about a young space captain who suffers from cling-ons (don't ask me - I'm not your …