I don't believe in mere, simple coincidence. I believe in meaning, in purpose, in destiny, etc. So I take special note whenever I feel the universe is telling me something. I don't always know what that thing is, the message... so I thought it'd be fun to create a list of these odd concurrences and throw them, the messages, right back at the universe. Maybe some of these messages aren't for me to make sense of, maybe I'm only meant to pass them along, to act as a messenger. This one, however, I think I can make sense of on my own... still, I felt like sharing it.

Tonight, not more than 20 minutes ago, I was listening to The Dawn and Drew Show while playing Picross DS. If you've ever played a game of Picross you know that solving one of the more complex puzzles can take a while. It takes time for the solutions to reveal themselves. So I was listening to Dawn ponder the nature of her, well, nature. What it meant to be who she is. How she came to be. It was a loaded stream of consciousness. It's a conversation I often have with myself... always trying to suss out my tigers and dragons.

Toward the end, the dialogue shifted to entitlement and punishment. I'd like to think I'm not spoiled but you could certainly argue the point. I think you could indict the whole of the Western world in that respect. I do feel gratitude though, I do feel humble. I certainly don't feel I deserve the life I live. Better people than me are suffering where I am not... and yet, I still take what I take without much consideration of what that actually means. It's certainly taking but it's insidious because it doesn't appear to be, it doesn't require me to do. I accept. I'm lavished upon. It's easy.

I want to change. I'm always saying I want to change. I want to stem the dark tides of my character. I'm not who I am. I'm not who I once was. I'm better and worse, yet I know I've let more things fall apart than I've help build. And sometimes I feel... well... oftentimes... well... always feel like time is slipping away. It is, it always is, for all of us, so I guess I mean my time is slipping away. And I thought it significant, working on this puzzle in my mind while working on the other puzzle in my hands. I felt like I was getting closer to a solution. I could feel what was coming but I couldn't yet see it, not clearly. I heard what she was saying while also hearing whispers of what I've told myself before. Wondering what it means to live the life I lead and wondering what I truly deserve for letting things slip so far.

They said the word dung beetle just as I was solving the puzzle, just as the dung beetle revealed itself to me. An odd concurrence, a perfect symbol. It was happening all the time... it was becoming without my knowing it. It was in my hands the whole time. I suppose a lot of things can happen right in front of your eyes before you realize it, when it's too late. I'm hoping it's not too late for me. I think the message was heard loud and clear.

Hearing the dung beetle.Seeing the dung beetle.