I've neglected this place, this tumblelog. For the past few weeks I've had it in my mind to write more. There have been times, many days, I've had the urge to write. I've thought to myself, I should blog this. But the moment invariably passes. It's rarely anything really important, though, I obviously think enough of the thought, idea, feeling, etc. if I want to share it, and yet I don't. Chalk it up to laziness I suppose. I would like to credit pure laziness, but this just speaks to my nature. I'd rather listen than talk. I'd rather be passive than active. Which is fine, well, would be fine...

I was speaking to a friend recently and... well I suppose it's not important, the details, but I mused on this idea of nature. There are few things I think are wrong, rather, I like to think things just are and just happen. Everything's a matter of perspective. The Universe knows nothing of right or wrong, of love or hate, etc. We color the world the way we feel it. It's all about feeling. I feel things are wrong, I feel things are right. I feel all sorts of things, but in the end they're only my feelings. They substantiate nothing, except my personal truth, my self.

Everything would be fine if I felt everything were fine. No one can color my view of the world. No one can make me believe this is wrong; or right. I've spent a lot of time silent and alone. I know that I'm different. I want to be silent, I want to be alone. I know most people don't want these things. No one can make me believe there's anything wrong with who or what I am. To thine own self be true. Only I have a bead on who I am, on what's right and what's wrong. And lately I've felt like things aren't quite right, the silence and the solitude. I don't think it should feel this comfortable to be this quiet and this alone. It feels like nothing. I feel numb sometimes and I think, It shouldn't be this way. It didn't used to be this way, though, I've never taken things to this extreme. I'm letting myself withdraw far too much. And it's easy. But it's wrong. This, like everything else, should be taken in moderation. It's fine if you want not to speak, it's fine if you want to be alone... if you want it.

I want to break the silence.

...to thine own self be true...