Lou

back to short hair!

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 11:00:39 -0700

fountains

Mon, 14 May 2007 23:18:56 -0700

if you can guess where in kansas city this is, you win a prize (not really)

me

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 13:35:54 -0700

skytrail

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:56:23 -0800

skate01

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:56:21 -0800

ocean03

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:56:19 -0800

ocean02

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:56:17 -0800

bottoms05

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:56:14 -0800

bottoms04

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:56:13 -0800

bottoms03

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:56:10 -0800

bottoms02

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:56:08 -0800

bottoms01

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:56:06 -0800

bedroomrocker01

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:56:03 -0800

surfer

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:56:02 -0800

Venus di Milo

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:48:11 -0800

sketchy...

a nightmare

Tue, 22 May 2007 00:11:11 -0700

awake. passion and rage escaping through an ardent threat. i could have moved the earth with my scream, with my fear all i see... an outside window dirty from dust and rain all i hear... a dialtone getting louder rejoining with the frequency. i'm back... i'm back... i'm back again. deliver me to something useful, something worth anything. i'll take anything you can give me. please... give me a reason to cry. or even let me force a tear. it's tearing me up inside. just unlock the door... let the light from outside trickle in. but please... please... don't let me feel that fear again.

indescriptive points

Tue, 08 May 2007 10:06:29 -0700

things in motion towards one point in a field discontent to yield to the sword you yield there are birds watching over you there are worms watching under you

what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 01:22:02 -0700

life seems to be at a crossroads of sorts for me right now. things seem to be changing that, i'm totally comfortable with, yet at the same time i'm not sure if it's mostly my doing, others, or maybe a little of both. with any change comes positive and negative aspects i suppose. it seems as if when i change a certain part of my personality, or my attitude towards something, it's not so much that i start going around and conforming things to my new found perspective, but it's as if things start showing their true colors. life seems to start showing off for you a little bit, like it's watching... or as if it knows what you're thinking. i've tolerated shit from certain people for a while. it was never my responsibility per say and nobody ever asked me to that's for sure. that, i can say, has been my own choice. at this point, i'm just tired of going along with shit that i flat out don't like. life is too short and i'm too much of a happy, easy going person to have that taken away from me on the account of what other people chose to do with their life. unfortunately, to appease my distaste for these people and their decisions, comes a price. yet, as i mentioned before, once i decided to change the way i handle these situations, they almost seemed to start working themselves out naturally. case in point: 1. a friend of mine (roomate and, just recently ex-coworker) over the last year starts displaying parts of his character that are quite unattractive. one day, after all of these individual situations kept piling up and piling up, i just decided i would let this person do his own thing. i kept to myself, didn't associate much with him anymore and, in some ways, made sure he'd notice. this wound up turning in to a nasty situation where my opinion of him changed from unappealing to not wanting anything to do with him. he pretends as if he doesn't know why, and acts like it's my responsibility to tell him why. what i don't think he realizes is that he has already left the space that i had for him as a friend - that's gone, not coming back. if this never gets resolved, it doesn't really matter to me. once i move out of this house, i won't have his presence to constantly remind me of my distaste for him. the only thing i'd be interested in hearing from him is an apology. while that may open the door to a cordial relationship once again, it will not reinstitute our friendship. i feel that he has everything to lose by continuing this display of ignorance (as he has done in other situations for as long as i've known him) while i feel more at a gain than a loss. in the end, friends come and go. such is life and i truly believe i've made choices in this matter that are for the better. 2. about a year ago another friend decides to date my ex-gf after i break up with her, literally pretty much right after. the guy even has the decency to, in a way, ask permission before doing so. i gave him all the respect in the world after that, and tried to set aside my discomfort in what he was wanting to do. he had a special relationship with a certain person that was ended in a very unfortunate accident and i thought maybe he needed to fill a void in his life and i was fine with that. after all, this is one of my best friends - that's the least i can do. i stopped liking this girl because unfortunately i found out her history. quite frankly, i became disgusted with her and disappointed in myself for settling for the first thing that came along after 2 years of not having a relationship (this includes getting any as well). so now, one of my best friends is dating someone who i thought i would never have to see again. at first, it was just that for a while. she would be around and i tried to put it past me. well, one night a few months ago i went up there loaded up on oxycontin, booze and weed and said a few things that were on my mind. i didn't exactly do it in the most tasteful manner, but i did speak frankly and honestly. i sense that my relationship with this friend has changed since then - partly because i've simply just stopped wanting to go up there (lawrence) and he hasn't exactly made any effort to hang out with me since this. in fact, last night after waking up from a nap, i go downstairs and there he is, in my house, unannounced to me, hanging out with the friend from #1 above (again, my roomate). he knows i'm not cool with #1 but it's not like he's not allowed to hang out with him... it's just that he hardly ever does and he's not really even good friends with him anyway. plus, it's kind of a slap in the face when he's hanging out with #1 and didn't even mentioned to me that he was coming down so i could plan accordingly. i had other plans that night already so i just said hi and left. then, this morning, he's washing and waxing his car with #1 when apparently he had planned to do that with his brother since a week ago. his brother also has a strong distaste for his girlfriend (again, my ex). he was suprised as i was that he was up here washing his car with #1 instead of him. i don't know if he's holding some type of attitude like "well if they're not cool with who i'm dating then fuck them" or what, but it's starting to seem like yet another one of my friends is drifting away - one who i thought and looked forward to keeping a very long lasting friendship with. he's different since he's been with this girl, and i'm not the only one who sees that. we don't like it, but he's a big boy, he gets to do what he wants. what's going on with my friends lately? am i changing? are they? i'm totally fine with letting the cards fall where they may in all of this, but i sure would like to know the reasons behind all of it. am i so wrong for not wanting to hang out with someone who's dating my slut ex-gf who jumps from friend to friend, to friend to friend, to circle of friends to another circle of friends? the honest answer, as i feel, is a resounding no. it's just too bad that to get away from this situation i may lose one of my best friends and so far, he doesn't really seem to care. what kind of person dates one of your really good friend's ex-gf literally a week after they break up. i'm sorry, but i can't see that i'm exactly... wrong in this situation. win some, lose some. people can do what they like, i just don't really fucking care anymore. i'll spend my time investing in new friendships, not ones where i have to continuously set aside certain aspects of that friendship just to maintain it. it's not worth it and just makes it even easier now that i've decided that it's just not worth caring about anymore.

just a story

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 23:35:18 -0700

While he walked the gap between the different corners of two sidewalks, he tilted his head downward and watched the barcode move under his feet. The other side was completely different. Before, things seemed curious and dull at the same time. Everything had it's place and existed in space as a simple form. Here, life seemed to breath out of everything in a way that would suggest to an unknowing person that there is something inside of it all. A screeching whining noise distracted his attention away from the vendor selling fruits and fake gucci bags. This monstrous blue beast of a bus slid in to position behind him and stopped. The bus was outlined in a lucid glare by the sun that was just barely peeking over the top of the roof. He laughed at the advertisement on the side of the bus - a man resting on his side wearing nothing but white underwear being paraded around the city for all to see. In the moment of a few seconds, the doors to the bus opened and exhaled some of its passengers while some remained. The beast grumbled before it took a giant shit in to the air and slowly rolled away. Everything at this point began taking on new meaning. The next thought that entered his head was the catalyst to not only where he was going, but where he had been. This whole time he's been lead along by the good nature of others and the fortunate occurrences that life presents itself. He knew that for once he'd have to grab that beast by the horns and ride it until it got tired. Or, if not for any other reason, he had to see what it would be like to climb atop a city bus and go for a little ride.

so dissapointing...

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 12:35:20 -0700

So assume for just one moment that we are, in fact, the only intelligent life in the entire universe. In the grand scheme of things, nothing is big or small, so it's silly to glorify or belittle our presence here. To say that we are but a small spec of life on a tiny distant planet is true to a certain extent. However, at some point it makes no difference how many molecules you've amassed to your body in relation to ones you stand on. Something else underlies the entirety of all pupose and intent on this planet. An idea can be more powerful than a million bombs. An idea has the power to stretch the universe, and bring it all together. At this point, I begin to wonder... If we fuck up this planet and human kind sputters out of existance leaving a wounded, emaciated, tattered, whored out planet behind, what will be the purpose of it all? What if life as we know it never happened again on any other planet, ever. All that ever was of any intelligent life happened right here, and we blew it. Billions of years go by while the universe strolls along, bumping in to things, humming its little tune... This fucking Virginia Tech bullshit pisses me off because it reminds me of how hopeless and depraving human kind can be sometimes. Sometimes, in a some sort of irony, I wish all of the above were true. Sometimes it seems human kind would better have not existed at all. It's the same dellima as if you were to tell an expectant mother that her unborn child was going to grow up to be the most horrifying person she's ever known. This person will disregard all acts of kindness to others, will rape, will steal, will murder and all without any remorse. In fact, he will even turn on his own family one day. However, the early years of his life will be filled with joy, happiness, love and admiration. Would it be worth it? Worth what? Worth? *sigh*