Because I should have my own wall

Franz said this morning that my writeup should have been a list of my quotable quotes instead of someone else praising me or whatever. I don't remember all of them, but here are a few to start:

"Christ is Jesus' last name."

Teacher: "Ano ba ang ibig sabihin ng bangkero?" Me: "Bank-teller?"

"Sir, magkano po grade namin?"

And just today: "How can you help somebody who is helpless?"

Lulz.

Anyone else have something to contribute? I'm hoping it's enough for an Atenean tourist attraction, you know. Represent and all that.

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(I went out today. I was hoping my parents would call me so I could tell them I didn't know where I was because I got drunk the other night and passed out and just woke up but my stomach's all sewn up and AAHHH SOMEONE TOOK MY KIDNEY!! -- but they didn't, so too bad for them.)

also, here's another thing to add to my wishlist: when I was a kid my uncle would drive me through Makati during Christmas season so I could gawk at all the tall buildings with pretty yuletide decorations. I would like a repeat of that, please. I also want someone to take me to Tagaytay on December 14 (next year)because this is the day of the many shooting stars and I've never been to Tagaytay before.

I met a girl who is the spitting image of my blockmate and she's two years younger than me but I'm the one being treated like the little sister, so.

maybe I should be more of a Yes woman now. heehee. I need to get out more, I'm graduating dude, I need to meet more people! :)

(<3)

(drumline was freaking ace.)

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is it too late to eat my words

For my Christmas wishlist, I want someone to take me to Mister Kabab.
(Is anyone serving ox brain in Cebu?)

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narcissism and love

As self-absorbed as Julia Allison is notorious for being, reading the posts about the one that got away (or rather, the one she let go of) warmed the icicles in my heart a little. I'm rooting for her now because there's nothing like the common need to be loved to establish solidarity among your fellow human beings. (She let go of a really good guy). She is my favorite feminist, go-getter, self-promoting, the-world-is-my-oyster, type of blogger.

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Boy at the Window

Seeing the snowman standing all alone
In dusk and cold is more than he can bear.
The small boy weeps to hear the wind prepare
A night of gnashings and enormous moan.
His tearful sight can hardly reach to where
The pale-faced figure with bitumen eyes
Returns him such a God-forsaken stare
As outcast Adam gave to paradise.

The man of snow is, nonetheless, content,
Having no wish to go inside and die.
Still, he is moved to see the youngster cry.
Though frozen water is his element,
He melts enough to drop from one soft eye
A trickle of the purest rain, a tear
For the child at the bright pane surrounded by
Such warmth, such light, such love, and so much fear.

Richard Wilbur

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I started an internship at the beginning of last week and met with a really enthusiastic entrepreneur-expat who treated us to breakfast. Four days later I struggled to find the right words to say so I could get myself out of SEO-sweatshop hell. Weekly quota: 30 articles on plastic surgery until the boss says so, equivalent to 25Php an article. Dude, ikr. While I was throwing in the towel they tried to negotiate with me that I only had to show up those two days a week, write six articles a day, and still get paid 3000 a month. Life's too short, so I declined anyway. I'm a senior; I should be living it up, short of getting completely wasted.

It was an easy and sensible thing to say no to right, but it got me thinking about everything else I said no to the past four years of my life, and those other things that didn't even get a chance. I mean we're so quick to flee at every sign of discomfort nowadays, you know. I wondered if I was still capable of commitment and if I was still capable of working till my back broke for the things I did say yes to. I'd like to think so, because what I consider sacrifices now were given in the past without a second thought. Jesus did say a seed ought to die before it can begin to grow. But I also realized back then I was becoming a person I didn't like -- what was I growing into? On what soil was I sown? And then I had to walk away from everything I've worked/sacrificed for -- an episode not without drama (which was to be expected). Or perhaps, now I've learned to take a step back and stop with the careerism and overcommitment.

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For the last time

I find it really annoying when people add me up in YM, and when I drop a line to say hello they ask who the hell is messaging them.
I also find it pointless when people add me up on Facebook and then just cock their eyebrows when I say hi to them on the street because they have no idea who I am.

What was your point again? It's not like I added you first. arghq342

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Majors I would have taken if I weren't in Comm

1. Creative Writing. Communication was actually my second choice because I couldn't decide between the two. When I got in, I sent a letter to Fr. Nemy to change my course to Comm a couple of months before I started college; I guess I'm very lucky to have been obliged because requests by other students to have their courses changed have been rejected. I'm really meant to be a Comm major -- there were times when core subjects in freshman year got me down but getting into media studies has been my saving grace. Plus some of my LJ friends would know I never would've hacked it in that course. And I haven't been writing creatively all that much anyway. To think, in high school I fantasized about getting into the Dumaguete writer's workshop and having my work printed on Heights. I've put those dreams to rest now.

2. MIS. I'm a computer geek. When I was in third grade and the internet was more commonly found in dial-up connections, I once racked up a bill of 20,000Php -- my lack of self-control forced my parents to disconnect, and we've only had our DSL up a couple of years ago. I don't know how many computers I had my dad send back to the shop for repairs because of something I did to the registry, and I spent my many free hours making websites out of notepad, and acquainting myself with javascript. I can't hack the math either so here I am. And now user experience design has become way more sophisticated and droolworthy, and languages like AJAX (which I don't think is technically a language) and PHP daunt me. I'm not into the whole backend coding thing but I'm into social media marketing a lot. SEO can be useful, but only up to a point -- and even then, it's just all noise. 

3. Architecture/Interior Design. This remains to be a big interest until today, I spend a lot of my free time just looking at blog posts on new/interesting houses. I have neither the talent nor math skills requisite of architects, and I didn't think you actually needed to graduate with a major from interior design in order to become one. I also am not fond of particulars, so maybe I'm more of the backseat kind of architect. Haha. I do hope to get involved in this someday (think Brad Pitt) in the area of low-cost/ prefab/sustainable housing, but I don't know how feasible that'd be. (Addendum: Bayani Fernando just revealed plans to offer low-cost housing with each home costing 1000$ each -- can't it go for cheaper, and -- why don't they just make it like flat/apartment-style housing so they can share walls and save money? Even better -- let the community share the labor like how in some communities, the parents build the schools brick by brick because the government can't be bothered to do anything for the future of this country.)
That said, I am disappointed with one of the more prominent schools for architecture in this country (ostensibly). Architecture students there don't know what the word "sustainable" is (meaning it's never been an agenda for the school to pursue environmentally-friendly methods), there is not much desire/initiative to preserve organic Filipino design, and any unconventional designs (but spatially efficient -- think Howard Roark of Ayn Rand's the Fountainhead or perhaps Frank Lloyd Wright, of whom he is a simulacrum) are laughed at -- while everyone's busy being inspired by Dubai's rapidly evolving skyline. So I hope to make tons of money so I can hold/sponsor student design contests where grades are not used to keep students sticking to the status quo. 
Also -- regarding the same school -- I hate that it's turning into a mere diploma mill because it has the monopoly on VisMin college students who can't afford to go to Manila. Come on already, it's time to grow up. 

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I wanna do this. (What did I tell you about some things I'll have to earn on my own?)

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all I want for Christmas

A friend who asked me yesterday what I wanted for Christmas made me realize I haven't received a proper Christmas/birthday gift from my family in years. I guess I never really asked for anything. The sole big-ticket item I have, my Macbook, I did ask for, but ended up paying for with my own money doing Internet-related work. So, considering this fairly luddite life I live, I guess I have everything I really need, except the intangibles, you know -- more years of happy memories with my hopefully-healthy family, for my friends to get out of whatever rut they're in (they deserve some rest from their many storms), and of course, to know God more, despite the many setbacks I've had in this pilgrim's progress.

Besides, I know the stuff I really want will take more than just a couple of Christmases' worth of gift money and therefore something I'll have to work on for myself. That said, I've been fantasizing about office spaces and the day I can afford to get my dad a really nice chair.

(I'm on an internship right now and they're asking me to do... SEO writing. Which is so draining and hopefully something that I'll never have to do again after this.)

Obviously, a senior on his/her last semester has a mind that is far and away from thinking about school.

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Last night, I dreamt:

I had to retake my Theo orals, and eventually bombing that (of all subjects,)
I attended my IMC class during for the first time during the *last week of the semester* and I was so shocked at the realization while wondering how on earth I was going to graduate. And then, I woke up with the sensation of pins and needles. My circulation was cut off somewhere which might have explained all this subconscious unpleasantry.

It's going-back-to-school anxiety. Last semester, I had nightmares about Thesis. I guess you can say it was a premonition considering who we ended up with for an adviser, but our experience wasn't as bad as I had dreamt, or even imagined. So yay for that.

The last time I had non-school-related nightmares, I burned bridges (an obvious sign of my misery), so I hope I handle this sem better than that.

Also, a 30 Rock Conversation:

Jack Donaghy (to Kenneth): Who do you vote for?

Kenneth: I don't vote Republican or Democrat. Deciding is a sin. When I vote, I fill in the name Jesus.

Jack: We count that.

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Oooh, quiz

A just-for-fun quiz (because I like being a silver Cheetah), taken from here.

 

dre
24/08/1988

 

 

You are Silver Cheetah, who is intelligent, cheerful and lively. This seems accurate for the most part -- at least I'd like to think so
You don't like to lose, and are aggressive and tends to give an impression of strong-minded person. True. I am a go-getter.
You have an attractive character that is little temperamental and mischievous like fairy. Also true, the temperamental and mischievous part. Temperamental: mom | Mischievous: Dad
Your attitude is also agile. Whatever that means.
But because you are a temperamental person, you tend to make a move that is based on your instinct. Impulsive? Yeah, when I feel like it. :P
You lack feminine emotion and deepness. Lack feminine emotion? Thanks a lot. Haha pero I noticed, I do tend to be more of a tomboy. Plus my name means "manly". Maybe that's why I'm aggressive and strong-minded.
You tend to be rather vain, and have a tendency not to show your own weakness and hence, act strongly.
Therefore, you may suffer from loneliness in your heart. True (I don't show it to guys.)
You are born a hard working person. Depends on the work.
Once you decide on something, you are passionate enough and have a great will-power to risk everything for it. True, I've experienced this.
But once you lose realistic objective, you have a danger of not knowing where to go.
You should plan your life on long-term basis of concrete prospect rather than on short-term base. I've only gone so far as five years into the future in terms of planning my life, God willing.
You set your objectives on pragmatic things and something that is realized in the society rather than spiritual ones. After Father David, true.
You are not really suited to stay at home. I've been staying home since sembreak, but it's true. I get lethargic.
It may be better if you carry on with your career than to get married.  TRUE. Haha. OMG I might die alone
The way you can make others happy, attracts men. What haha
You possess two characters inside you.
One which can calmly observe others, and the other one which can make you passionately obsessed. Does this mean I'm schizo? Oh well. True, on both counts.

 

 

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Imperator Augustus: Humanity. They follow leaders -- queens or kings, chiefs or emperors. We tell them what to do, and they do it. We know no more than they, but still, they follow us, blindly, as people lost in the catacombs would follow a child carrying a flaming torch.
Lycius: And what do you follow then, you leaders -- to make us follow you, and obey you?
Imperator Augustus: We follow our dreams.

From Neil Gaiman's Sandman (The Distant Mirrors)

(to sum up Father David's semester in a nutshell -- fields of dreams, blind sheep, whoa Foucault, and Ancient Greeks.)

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It seems media studies is always in need of saving.

Guys, I'm sure you've seen sirs Jon and Jace's syllabi splattered on various places on the interwebs. They're great, promise. And they've made their courses more accessible projects and lessons-wise. And, media studies is officially dead next year because they're all leaving for their PhDs (even the ones we love to hate). So take them na and learn something!

Also, sir Anjo's class:  Media and Diaspora. Holy cow. There are not enough units in the world, I tell you! And it's also sir Anjo so I don't know whether to take it! 

Not to mention, my brain's fried from all the thesis-ing and Father David-ing and Ma'am Rosana-ing. I kinda don't want to think anymore after this sem, you know? I just want to be all rainbows and sunshine next sem and not care so much and drive all over the place to everywhere I've never been.

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tips for getting through finals week

(Note, this is mostly about food. But yeah.)

1. Computers crash. Backup by emailing files to yourself frequently. If possible, go analog.
2. Stress eating is bad. Do not eat too much. Do not indulge yourself with the excuse that it's finals week and you are stressed and you deserve it. You *will* fall asleep. That is bad.
3. Stress eating is bad. Do not supplement your low energy with massive amounts of sugar. For example: *three* chocolate bars in one hour is most likely going to turn you into a train wreck that happens to laugh like a hyena, for no reason at all. Chocolate is meant to be savored, not inhaled. Think Charlie's amazing portion-control pre-Golden Ticket.
4. Do not eat chocolate if you're actually planning to sleep at a decent hour
5. Laugh at yourself for actually thinking that sleeping is even a possibility. Oh, the naiveté.

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via

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w00t Ateneo (we've come full circle)

Dear God

I'm taking this as a sign. :) Thank You!

love,
Dre

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Dear God,
I knew it! I can't wait. (Thank you.)

Dear Kuya,
I miss you too; the difference is I actually mean it. I'm so proud of you. Fly high Kuya; it's where you belong.

Dear Dre,
It's been two years, please get a grip.

Dear SA crush,
It's been two years, please be flattered na lang (and let's face it, you are. I know you are). (Todo-bigay kayo kanina, magaling.) I don't know why I like you either. Actually I do, but that was too long ago.

Dear shadow advisers (from here on out known as Fran and Franz),
Please be gentle! :\

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(higher up and further in)

Darling, you will not find
in the well into which you fall
what I keep for you on the heights:
a bouquet of dewy jasmines,
a kiss deeper than your abyss.
- An excerpt from "The Well" by Pablo Neruda

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Am now in the process of analyzing data. Finally (it took me a while to get started for various reasons). Anyway, lessons learned from Thesis aka

How to conduct an in-depth interview
1. First of all, pay attention. People usually say one thing in the beginning of the interview and contradict themselves later on. Not catching this the first time around leaves for a lot of confusion and frustration in the end. (People can be so capricious.)
2. Don't try to justify yourself: fifteen minutes for an interview is too short.
3. The best thing to do in cases like this is to develop a keen sense of curiosity for the quotidian. That is, when drawing a home, don't just focus on the television. Draw in the crosshatches and the shadows for other parts of the home too (the home being the metaphor for everyday life). In short, treat the affair like juicy gossip; channel your inner Boy/Kris! (Haha can you imagine)
4. Don't ask yes/no questions, and don't assume out loud for people to just agree with what you're saying and leave it at that.
5. It's easier to just fling your questionnaire to outer space and "go with the flow", but seriously, the questionnaire helps. Don't skip anything, even if you think it's redundant. I think the hardest part is picking up from where you left off after the gazillion follow-up q's.
6. Always ask why, but hopefully not to the point of pedantic petulance.

We can do this. (And to those who were keeping score i.e. sir Jace, Sam wins. :P)

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