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The problem with being free Aug 13, 2008

So I've been at it for a while... I was working at the broadcast station, then I got out of there and landed in a marketing agency, doing ads for a respected lamps shop here in PTY. And the work was cool, if a bit repetitive at times, but overall nice. It's the people.

The people I can't seem to digest one way or the other. The kind of people I don't want to work with because it just seems they're there to get by after going through life with doing everything that people consider to be is "living". I hated the place because it just didn't seem like the place people would work at because they thought it was fun or because they even liked it. They just went there to get a paycheck and it just so happened they were good at what they did. Extremely good.

So I got out of the place and into my own business. It's been almost a month and it feels pretty grim at the moment. I walked away from design as I liked it. Haven't checked out what's new in a long time and it just feels like I'm blocked at the worst time possible. There's just no way I can be blocked, but it seems like I am. And I hate some of me for it.

I have a huge list of things to do. And it keeps piling up because I can't seem to concentrate. I don't know what's bothering me or what's keeping me from going forward. I feel like I'm not doing it for me anymore and maybe I'm doing it for others to see and for others to like it. I just don't know.

Anyone out there been in that situation? Any thoughts? Any advice you can give?

Christmas in October? Oct 16, 2007

Not really, but close: it's my birthday. YAY! I meant to write this post much earlier, but decided to wait until the actual date (16th) and also I didn't have my photos from a recent trip I wanted to show.

On Saturday I had the opportunity to share an entire day with kids from Darién, the biggest province in my country, which also happens to be the poorest due to lack of roads and a high percentage of indigenous groups who live off of fishing, hunting and agriculture. Kids living in this part of the country get it rough with lack of proper aqueducts for potable water, muddy roads and lack of commercial places to buy clothing or shoes. Most kids are lucky to graduate from grade school, let alone high school because as soon as they graduate they start to try and get jobs wiping shoes or windshields for money to support their families. Some kids even have to stay at school and sleep there through the week because of heavy rain and dangerous animals.

I got involved randomly after going to college on the wrong day (I seriously thought it was Thursday and not Wednesday!) and indulging in a conversation with friends from a class I had last semester. A person came into the room asking if anyone was interested in completing community labor hours this Saturday. "It involves kids from Darién and a trip through the city" - she said. The hours were a prerequisite for graduation and I was already looking for this opportunity, so I took it.

Little did I know that the trip involved waiting for the kids at a local Hossana church at 9:00pm; yeah, when I'm usually sleeping on a Saturday? And then being assigned two boys to take care of until the day ends. That's when I met Diuliyo and Justino, two 15-year olds coursing 3rd year junior high. At first they wouldn't talk at all, and even though I tried to get conversation out of them, it was difficult. We quickly got on the bus towards the Panama Canal Administration Building in Curundu district. We had some time to chill and by the time we got to our first stop at least Diuliyo was smiling and talking to me; Justino on the other hand was sort of a loner, sitting all by himself and frequently getting out of my sight on purpose. The kids got to eat and then go up the steps in the Administration Building in a scorching 32° heat! Crazy swabbies, those kids... :)

During our time immediately after eating I took out my Nintendo DS which I didn't even remembered bringing with me, and handed it to Diuliyo with Mario Kart in it. He was hesitant at first, but after a while was driving quite decently. Here's the pic!

The rest of the trip involved going to the Miraflores Locks at the Panama Canal to watch a boat passing through the locks from start to finish, at which point we left for the Smithsonian Museum at the Gaylard Cut in the Coastway where the kids learned a bit about the fauna and flora that surrounds the coasts of our Country as well as how submarines work. We finally ended the tour at a local restaurant where the whole group got dinner and the kids got new clothes and school supplies donated by the Fundación No Te Rindas (Never Give Up Foundation) which organized the trip and accompanied us throughout the day.

Overall I felt a little bad about not going out to party any day this weekend, but I guess it feels good to do good every once in a while, and I know I'll never forget Diuliyo or Justino, no matter how quiet they were.

On a different note, the teaser for my latest project is already up and you can check it here. I wanted my b-day to be more symbolic this year, since this is something I've been cooking up for a long time. It'll kick major ass. I promise.

Finally, here's the list of kickass music I've been listening to the last week:

1. Men, Women & Children - dance on my blood
2. Head Automatica - beating heart baby
3. Superbus - radio song
4. PANIC! at the Disco - camisado
5. Billy Talent - pins and needles
6. Henry Mancini - Pink Panther's theme
7. The Slip - even rats (live)
8. Foo Fighters - next year
9. Bush - inflatable
10. Nirvana - something in the way

for a true sinner, Ms. Jones Oct 05, 2007

Again, with the (almost) weekly post thing. Crazy love going on virb, man! Thanks to everyone who sent messages and comments to the site in the last month!

Anyways, on to the news, I got some of my 30 stitches cut on the last week of september and the rest are internal stitches which are emerging little by little as my body expels them naturally. I have to wear sunblock anytime I leave the house and avoid sun at all costs. I'm not vampiring around like most would think, I'm just doing my every day workabouts, but just avoiding the sun by staying inside buildings and away from windows. I'm ok about most things, including the fact I come to grips with my new look and find that I really like it. It's insane going into a place and automatically getting respect or even authority for looking like a badass ex-convict.

Around the block I've discovered new stuff, which may not be new to you, but then again, it's my blog. Among the stuff I found was The Arcade Fire and Rilo Kiley which have the "Potions for Foxes" track that just kicks ass. The Amy Winehouse and Panic! at the Disco albums I just can't stop listening to. Along with mainstay Tycho's Sunrise Projector these are albums I literally listen to over and over several times a day. I highly recommend the Me & Mr. Jones track by Amy Winehouse, cause it's just too damn funny and has a bangin' instrumentation.

Aside from listening to music I've been indulging more in some of the activities I'm least known for, mainly going to parties and clubs. For instance, last friday I was at a Chiva Parrandera, which is basically a party in a bus, which takes you around town with your friends and has a bar inside and live music playing all the way, making stops at certain spots to check out clubs and take a pee. I also was at fellow designer Chanito's b-day party, which needless to say was a blast with all the other local designers I met and the funny drinking game we had in the end. It was specially shocking to see how far behind I am in terms of dancing salsa and merengue (Chanito and all his sisters are years ahead of me, quite possibly decades).

If there's a part that I'm trying to emphasize more is probably my gaming. I'm a huge gaming freak; so much I'm actually thinking of removing the "Tele" section of my profile and just swapping it for a "Games" title to make it closer to what I really do with my time. So far I have this huge library of games, but sadly I haven't really played them much due to time constraints and overall the fact the PS2 is my brother's room and I sorta like to play at nights, which is the time they use to sleep. I know, it's crazy right?! I'm hoping to get a PS2 for myself in the upcoming months as well as a cool LCD to replace the crappy CRT I got. At the moment I'm gnawing away at my DS with Zelda Phantom Hourglass, DK Jungle Climber and Castlevania Portrait of Ruin while practicing hard mode Guitar Hero 1 and 2 whenever I get a chance, mainly because it's a no-brainer, plug and play type of game that I can pound over and over for hours without getting bored. I've been meaning to get my finances ready for an Xbox 360, however I haven't been paid yet after almost a month and a half of working, because it takes three paydays (15 days in-between) for the government to cough up the first paycheck.

Yeah, I know working for the man sucks. In this case it has its rewards tho, since the work team is so amazingly funny and laid back to the point where it doesn't seem like a job until the moment you have to go home and put your hand on the clock at 5.

Currently all my design projects are at a halt due to my workings and responsibilities with an upcoming personal surprise, which I'll unveil when the time is due. Just know that It'll be awesome and I'm working hard on getting it done right. In the meantime, here's a list of the stuff I'm mainly listening to in no particular order:

1. Panic! at the Disco - I Constantly Thank God For Esteban
2. The Kills - Pull A U
3. Fall Out Boy - Beat It
4. I Love You But I've Chosen The Darkness - We're Still The Weaker Sex
5. Pitbull, Ying Yang Twins, Lil' Jon - Bojangles
6. 50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland - ayo
7. Panda - Procedimientos Para Llegar A Un Común Acuerdo
8. Rage Against The Machine - Renegades Of Funk
9. Cher - Strong Enough
10. Gang Of Four - Damaged Goods