|
A little background info
My name is Khoa. I'm Vietnamese, male, 20 years old (soon to be 21 in January), and single, haha. I live in Milpitas, CA, and it's boring as shit, so I'm moving to Portland, OR in March. I have a 6 year old West Highland White Terrier named Toby. I've been playing the drums since 5th grade, the bass guitar since freshman year of high school, and a bit of guitar and piano. I went to Santa Clara University for 2 years, studying computer engineering, but am now going to the Art Institute of Portland for Visual & Game Programming. I've been working at Starbucks since April '07, at the McCarthy Ranch location in Milpitas. My gamertag on xbox live is drumzboy, and I mostly play Halo 3, of course. I drive a 2007 Scion tC, indigo ink blue.
Look up on the right column for my other websites and personal links. If nothing else, check out my Picasa web albums. There are pictures of me on this site, but all of my photo albums are there.
LiveJournal feed - see all 30
Is that alright with you? 5 days ago
I think I'm finally hitting my downer after my vacation. 2 weeks in California with my best friends. Spent almost every day with Rob, Tina, and Joe. And then crazy packed week in Puerto Vallarta with Rob. It was a well needed break for me.
Got back last Sunday morning. I visited my store, got my schedule, said hi to people, grabbed some pho, went to costco to buy food, went home and took a nap. Right after that, I headed back out to my store to meet up with Kimmy, and spent the whole day with her. Went to McMenamins with her for dinner and met Reuben there. It was really nice getting to see my friends up here again.
Then school starts the next day. My classes seem pretty cool so far. I'm going to have my work cut out for me, but it seems a lot more interesting this time around, so I'm somewhat excited, which is more than I can say for the past 3 years of college. Four 8am classes in a row, Mon-Thurs, does suck quite a bit though. I'm actually getting used to waking up that fucking early though. Getting to wake up at 8-9am is nice to me now, hah.
I also started my regular schedule of exercising at the gym. It's been cool so far. I've had my lazy days, but still forced myself to go run. 3 days a week, Mon-Wed-Fri. 5 minute warmup walk, 15 minutes of running, 10 minutes of cooldown. I'm thinking about bumping it to 20 minutes of running. We'll see how I feel tomorrow.
Went to Bdubs with Liz, Kimmy, Brice, Jake, Tasha and her friends on Thursday. That was fun. Had a pint of Drop Top, and it was good. Good good good. I do love that beer.
Saw the Dark Knight on Friday night with Liz, Brice, and Jake. It was, for lack of a better word, AMAZING. Heath was absolutely AMAZING in his portrayal of the Joker. He just IS the Joker. His little mannerisms, his voice, his laugh... it was all spot on. I was extremely skeptical of Aaron Eckhart's ability to transform Harvey from the good person to psycho guy, but he did that really well. I completely believed it. This is one of my all-time favorite movies. Which says a lot when I say, (and I might get flamed up the ass for it), I still like Batman Begins more. The character development of Bruce Wayne into Batman was beautifully done, and Liam Neeson's interaction with Christian Bale during the training sessions were wonderful. One of my all-time favorite scenes - "Your parents' death was not your fault... it was your father's! ... TRAINING IS NOTHING! WILL IS EVERYTHING! The will to act."
Pretty much did nothing on Saturday. Woke up early, did a few things, took a nap, woke up in time to get ready for work, and that's about it. After work, just relaxed at home, watched Will & Grace, went to sleep.
Woke up this morning, went to work. Second day back working, and I've already managed to get pissed off. The person coming in right after I was supposed to leave called in sick, and they tried to guilt me into staying. I said no. No means no, and it doesn't matter what reason I have. It is my right to choose whether I want to stay or not. I've covered enough fucking shifts, stayed late, came in early, and worked understaffed enough times myself, so I know what it's like. And guess what, if I don't feel like staying, then I fucking won't. People need to learn to back off of me when I say no. It's the fastest way to get me annoyed and hating you. If they have a problem with me, I can just turn in my two weeks again.
Went home, got some food, watched more tv, took a nap, woke up, watched more tv, sat at my computer, did a whole lot of nothing this whole day. Still haven't done hw. Still haven't done laundry. Still haven't showered. Still haven't taken out the trash. I'm just feeling completely unmotivated right now. It being so fucking hot in my room isn't helping either. It's a good 10 degrees hotter here than in Milpitas. What the fuck. I can't wait for it to be cold again. I hate this hot weather. With a passion. That's why I love it up here, but Oregon is spiting me right now or something.
I need to hang out with Reuben more again. I miss that guy. He called me during his break at work. We vented about a few things. He misses hanging with me too. Our jobs are driving us crazy. We both have problems that we don't want to admit to anybody anymore, but I think it'd be therapeutic for us to talk to each other about it, since it's related. Just need to spend some actual time with him.
I wish Rob would move up here too. We'd have so much fun. And I know the two of us could live together. He'd fit in really well with my friends here too. It'd certainly be good for me to have him as a roomate. I wouldn't feel so alone up here.
Then again, time will take care of that. I'll get closer to my friends here. Maybe I'll even find a new girlfriend. It just sucks starting out. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it doesn't stop it from sucking on days like this.
I've said this before, but I feel bad about the people who know me through LJ. I only ever post when I'm sad. I didn't really post anything over the past 3 weeks, which were a blast. Too busy having fun to sit down at my computer to type about it.
My dad bought me a new computer. Desktop, because my macbook pro isn't cutting it for the things I need for school. HP Pavilion Slimline, AMD duo core 2, 2.8 ghz, 500gb hard drive, 4 gb ram. We need to get a new graphics card for it though. But those specs are pretty good. I can't wait to get it. I have a lot of things I want to test out on it.
Funny exchange at work today:
*Song playing over our PA, Anne and I are singing along to it*
Me: Who is this?
Anne: umm... it's either A Fine Frenzy or --
Me: A Fine Frenzy! That's right. I have this cd! I just haven't listened to it in a while.
Anne: I have it too. I love it! She like, sings to my soul.
Me: Yeah she has an amazing voice. Her music is a little too depressing for me sometimes though.
Anne: That's what I love about it!
Me: ... then again, I listen to Damien Rice.
Anne: Uh yeah, that's just as bad, or even worse.
Me: Worse. Hah!
When I get back to Cali, my best friends Tina and Joe will be getting married! I get to hang out with Connie the night I get back too. Going out to pizookie with her, Rob, and Justin. Just like old times. Except I know it definitely won't be like old times. All four of us have spent so much time apart. Rob and I keep in touch the most, I think. Connie's been off in her own world (in Hawaii) for a while now. I've been going through a lot here in Oregon. It'll be interesting. It'll be the first time Connie and I have seen each other since she left though, so it'll be great. I miss her so much. The night will probably mostly consist of Connie and I catching each other up.
The wedding is going to be great. Nobody knows it, but Rob and I are going to be the life of the party. They seriously don't know, haha. I hope I lose a noticeable amount of weight by then. Keeping up with my good diet, cutting soda out, cutting beer out (except for one pint when I go out with friends, once a week). Trying to avoid beef if possible, and it usually is.
Ok, need to get back to my duties. Gonna throw a load in the laundry, take out the trash, make a cup of tea, and start homework now. Shower before I go to sleep. I hope this week goes by well. Good night.
Dance your stress away. 2 weeks ago
So, two nights in a row now, I got the party started all up in the lounge. First was karaoke night last night. Everybody up there was singing hella boring, standing still, staring at the screen. Not only that, it seemed like everybody who chose to sing were fucking tonedeaf, but that's not my gripe. So, I got up onstage, chose a danceable song I knew how to sing, and started putting some moves into it. Worked the crowd up. Tonight, a live band played, and I was the first one out on the dance floor. Everybody else joined soon thereafter.
I remember that being one of my life goals. To be confident enough to get out there and have fun and dance and do my thing. I mean, I was out there on the floor with everybody in the entire freaking room watching me from behind, and I didn't care. I just danced.
Not only that, but I spent the whole night away from my family and Rob, with random people, including two pretty cute girls. Sat with them, chatted it up, went and danced with them. Never ever in my life would I have thought I'd be able to hang out with random people like that, especially cute girls. I'm more the type to sit in the corner of the room alone and just observe everybody else having fun.
Funny thing is, both nights, I was sober. I didn't need any alcohol in me to let loose and have fun. I guess I earned people's respect for that. But by the end of the night, I don't feel like anybody really gave a shit about me. Why? Because I was the sober one, not drinking my ass off and acting stupid and loud and obnoxious. It's not like I was quiet, I joined the conversations and laughed and danced and whatnot. I just didn't feel like always having a fucking drink in my hand, one after the other, and taking shots inbetween.
Is it better to be respected or to be liked?
I don't know. So where does that leave me now? Well, I still have my friends. Friends who respect when and how much I want to drink, and can still love me no matter what. I know they're there for me. But, it leaves me thinking about how I make new friends and meeting possible gfs. I guess I really am going to have to be picky about what kind of person she is. I'm sorry, but I can't keep up with the crazy drinking life. But at the same time, I don't want another gf who's too embarassed to go out and do shit with me and have fun and be outgoing in our relationship. I don't want to have to always choose when and where to go out, or when to have sex, or what movie to watch, or which restaurant to go to, or babysit her if she's too embarassed to dance. It's funny, dancing has become such an important part of my life now. I don't do it professionally like I did with music, but now dancing has replaced music in my stress relief area. It's so damn relieving to forget about life and just dance.
I guess Mexico definitely is the wrong place for me to meet anyone. Not like I was really planning on it, but I'm just saying. Same thing with California too. It's almost impossible finding someone balanced. Seems like everyone I meet is either too much of a fucking prude or too much of a fucking partier/alcoholic.
But, I have hope for Oregon. Seems like it's a state full of calmer people, who enjoy drinking but not getting drunk every damn weekend. I'm not so sure about the dancing though. But it seems they'd like to go out and have fun, but just need some encouragement. But I'm sure not expecting white people to know how to dance, lol. I got full proof of that tonight, hahaha. Suckers.
I'm ready to go back home and really start looking for a new girlfriend now. I'm really not one for the single life. I had some fun, but it's just not my thing. But, the good part about having been single is that I've gotten to spend so much time with friends and learn how to open up in ways I never thought I could. I've gained a lot more self-confidence, and I think if the right girl comes along and I have the tiniest connection to her, I won't be afraid to go up to her and do my thing. Be myself, be a fun person, be a smart person, just win her over with my personality.
Which reminds me of the strange day I had when I first met Kelsey. For some reason on that day, I felt completely confident going up to talk to her. I can see why later on, when I stopped being that person, she stopped liking me. It makes sense. And no, I'm not saying that it's entirely my fault, or hers, nor that it would work out if we got a second chance, but that I just understand it now. I can just say that I hope that the next one will work out better.
That's where I give in. Jun 18
"I hate when you say that I never fight for you.
Sometimes you breathe all over my scar.
You always end up closer than close.
That's where I give in."
After spending an entire day outside yesterday, I decided to spend this entire day inside. Which is not to say I spent it alone, but it's easier to be contemplative without all the distractions of society. Or, should I say, brooding.
I felt like posting. I don't know why. But I figure instead of writing an "epic" post about some big event or some epiphany or whatever, maybe I'd just write about what's going on right here, right now in my mind. One of those posts that will end up being deleted later on.
After about 9 years, I've decided to start a website again. It's not going to be very extravagant. Mostly, it'll just be a central hub for my 50 million other websites. One click central for everything Khoa. Why? I don't know. Why not.
I'm leaving for Cali next Monday. I'll get to spend almost 2 whole weeks at home with friends. Undoubtedly, my parents are going to make me visit some family. That's okay, I'll plan it around the times my friends are unavailable because they're at work or whatever.
I woke up this morning to a whole lot of family drama. It's ridiculous. It's so ridiculous I really don't want to get into it here. But I just brought it up to state that my blood no longer feels like my family. My friends, all of my good friends, they are my family now.
I failed two classes. I dropped one. I got a C and B in the other. Really bad, huh? I'm hoping I'll do better next quarter. I will try. I'm shortening my hours a lot next quarter. I'm taking classes that I'll have more motivation for. I'm a lot more used to living up here now. I have a better understanding of the school system now. My utter failure this quarter at school is a really bad bitchslap for me. I needed it.
Funny how you'd never really know. Maybe never even guess. I mean, I sounded like I was dealing, right? That I was handling my life decently. Even I believed it for a while. I wanted to believe that all the stresses didn't shut me down.
Who was I kidding? A drunken night alone. Crying myself to sleep another night. Almost breaking down on the max to school. Utter frustration at work. Some stubborn part of me wanted to ignore all of it. So I could put on a brave face and tell people that I'm doing just fine up here. I didn't want to admit that they were right about it being overwhelmingly hard. That maybe I shouldn't have moved.
But in my mind, these past 4 months have been worth it. I've grown, I've learned, I've matured, and I've pulled myself out of a one and a half year slump that looked like it had no end. I've made peace with myself. I've fought for a small sense of closure. Yes, it was worth it. It's not much, but it was worth it.
And now, I have a few more days to spend with friends up here. Starcraft LAN party at Brice's tomorrow. Probably hanging out with Reuben at some point. Liz and Kimmy. I've made some good friends up here. Friends who are getting used to me being around. Friends who understand me better than I think they do. Friends who know when to keep their distance, and more importantly, when to shove. That's probably the only thing they have over my Cali friends. Which is more my fault than it is theirs, really. To my Cali friends, I've trained them well to back the hell off of me when I don't want to be bothered. My OR friends are a bit more stubborn. They know when I'm not in a good mood, and they don't care. They'll bug me until I go out with them and then they force me to have a good time. Yeah, sometimes it takes a couple beers, but you know what? It's a couple hours I'm smiling, laughing, being out with friends rather than a couple hours of sitting alone at home. A couple hours go a long way.
They're good people. Quite different than my Cali friends, but that's fine with me. I love them all.
Rob and I are heading out to Puerto Vallarta after my couple weeks in Cali. It's going to be an awesome time. It'll be good for us. To spend time together and connect more. As close as friends as we've been, we've never really spent THAT much time together. Justin and I were always together during high school. We went on a week long cruise together. We lived together. We went to Playa del Carmen (Mexico) together. Rob's usually out because of work. He moved to Gilroy for a while, and when he finally moved back, two months later I moved here. So yeah, it'll be nice for us to have a week of nothing but hanging out together.
It'll be great having two weeks to spend with my friends too. Tina and I have gotten really close. I've had a lot of female friends, moreso than male friends, but she's pretty much the epitome of them. She is the best friend I've ever had. There is no doubt; the feeling of love I get from her is undeniable, and that's saying a lot for how usually unconfident I am due to self-doubt, lack of self-esteem. She calls me when she's worried about me, stays up to talk to me, confides in me... Somehow, even when I'm feeling like utter shit, she manages to make me feel better, and then changes the subject to take my mind off of it. She does it so well that I don't notice she's changed the subject and gotten me laughing until a while later. Even as I'm making that realization, I'm smiling, and am so thankful for her friendship. She literally keeps me sane. There have been days up here I've just wanted to quit life. I just want to lay in bed and not deal with anything. Just lay there and ignore all responsibilities, forget everything, and never rejoin life. But she's there for me. I am beyond honored to be part of her wedding, and to be considered such a good friend and trusted by her fiance. He's definitely a lucky man.
I'm looking forward to dancing with Romil and Daniel again. New dance videos dammit! hahaha. It'll be good times. I'm planning on buying a 24 pack of hef from costco. And finishing it before my two weeks are up, lol. And more karaoke at Jenn's!
Well, I've gotta open tomorrow. 4:15am, sucks, haha. I'll be off then. Hope you had fun reading my random blathering.
YouTube Vids
Nasty Boyz - Bump Bump Bump
Song Lyrics
Excerpt from "Go On Girl" by Ne-Yo
I was inviting her into my heart
She was out riding in some other man's car
She was my night time, thought I was her star
Guess I was wrong, but see I'm strong
Won't take me long to move on
Please don't worry bout me, I'm fine
Only gonna play the fool one time
Trust me when I say
That I'll be okay
Go on girl
My Other Sites
Spin that record
iTunes feed - see all
- Sara Bareilles - Gravity
- Damien Rice - Sleep Don't Weep
- OneRepublic - Apologize
- OneRepublic - Apologize
- Ne-Yo - Go on Girl
- OneRepublic - Prodigal
- OneRepublic - Tyrant
- Damien Rice - Sleep Don't Weep
- OneRepublic - Goodbye, Apathy
- OneRepublic - Apologize
Top 3 Bands - see all
- Martin O'Donnell & Michael Salvatori - 130
- Ne-Yo - 123
- OneRepublic - 83
Work
Starbucks
McCarthy Ranch, Milpitas, CA
April 2007 - February 2008
Level 2 Barista
South Bay School of Music Arts
Milpitas, CA
April 2005 - April 2007
Substitute Percussion Instructor
Caffe Romeo
Milpitas, CA
June 2003 - September 2003
Education
Art Institute Of Portland
2008-Present
Currently studying for a
Bachelor's of Science degree
in Visual & Game Progamming
Santa Clara University
2005-2007
Milpitas High School
2001-2005
Milpitas Christian School
1997-2001
Sunnyvale Challenger
1993-1997
Milpitas Christian School
1991-1993
Music
A Fine Frenzy, Alien Ant Farm, ATB, Baumer, Cobra Starship, Dave Matthews Band, Dispatch, Dream Theater, Gym Class Heroes, Hard-Fi, High and Mighty Color, Imogen Heap, Jason Mraz, Liquid Tension Experiment, Maroon 5, Michael Jackson, Muse, Pet Shop Boys, Postal Service, Radiohead, Sara Bareilles, Sia, 311, Vast
Books
Altered Carbon by Richard K. Morgan, The Last Assassin by Barry Eisler, Across The Nightingale Floor by Lian Hearn, His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman, High Fidelity by Nick Hornby, Battle Royale by Koushun Takami, Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman, Demon In My View by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes