Nichole (girl sailor)

Hey you.

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 03:37:37 -0700

fourtyseven-2

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 01:46:48 -0700

vv

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 01:46:20 -0700

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:32:25 -0700

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:32:22 -0700

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:32:19 -0700

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:29:42 -0700

things are not as you would have them.

a

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:27:35 -0700

come alex you can do it.

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:26:39 -0700

wewewe

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:24:48 -0700

Chicago

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:22:10 -0700

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 08:36:50 -0700

Return home.

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 04:38:13 -0700

Musty, dank, humidity envelopes me as I slowly trundle down the long corridor that will ultimately lead me back to reality, back to my strange mundane existence. All comprehension of the life around me is muddled as I, deep in painful contemplation continue onward. My heart is chilled by the unsettling realization of this indispensable destination. Jaw throbbing from incessant grinding, throat swollen, parched, and dry from restraining the barrow loads of bewailing blubbering and heaving that had been occurring the whole day prior to this departure...my entire body feels the weight of this devastating encumbrance. What a divinely...arduous experience this has been. With sweaty palms my frail grasp around the thick leather releases and my frame feels the shift. My over sized belongings once again, have tangled themselves into a blockade, which subsequently enrages the onward masses that yearn for their final entry. "Ma'am, miss....you've seemed to have...uh dropped your luggage...ma'am...hello? Can I help you...ma'am... you're blocking the hallway..." Face flushed red, bewildered into consciousness; I gather my load and continue on through the small plastic frame. Approached with called by duty smiles, I am kindly directed to the back. My eyes, my face, they're burning and a single blink was all it took before the salty tears were gently rolling, once again. A16, I attempt to gracefully plummet my, more burdensome than beneficial carry on into the small box above the seat in which I would inhabit for the next few hours. Inhabit or moreover, reluctantly be residing until the next dreadful layover. I claim my window seat and pray that the open place to sit at my side will remain vacant. At this point the all-too-accustomed, awkward, anti-conversational ramblings from a stranger would most assuredly be the end of me, and would be best if voided altogether from this depressing return trip. I try and attempt some sort of comfort, as I pull out my tray of convenience across my lap. I then fold my arms in front on me to compensate for a fluffy, soft pillow that I seem to be lacking. I lean forward, nestle my tired head in my folded arms and for a moment I somehow find a dazed breath of release. I allow myself the satisfaction of a deep sigh. "Ma'am...ma'am....you cannot pull out your tray until after take off...Ma'am.... please sit back and adjust your area until we instruct you to do so otherwise....thank you." I respectfully oblige the flight attendant's abrupt instruction as I sit back and practice my patience, which is slowly but surely digressing into a total breakdown. As she finally made her way back to the front of the plane, I couldn't hold it any longer, I couldn't breathe any longer, and this was it. My shoulders began the slow kind of gyrating that leads into a silent sobbing...that mimics something of a small dog choking...or having an uncontrollable seizure. Honestly, it was all incredibly pretty melo-dramatic, if you can imagine it. The subtle, gently rolling, salty tears had now turned into unstoppable, pouring waves of breathless sadness. After about ten minutes of this pity party, I somehow make a brief glance towards the sunset pouring into the right side of me. I attempt blinking some of my tears away which is clearly ineffectual because all I can make of this glorious sight is a blinding blur of colors. Finally, I wipe the salty ocean off of my face with my faithful sleeve, and I am in awe of what I see. Slowly my body begins to experience this overwhelming sense of tranquility...save of course the few left over spurts of compulsive intakes of breath that occurs after ten minutes of nonsensical blubbering. Eventually, I truly allow this peace to come over me. One of the most beautiful masterpieces ever created mask my sobbing eyes. I take a deep breath and make a mental note of this beauty before me. How vast and glorious, and I can think of nothing, I can do nothing but praise my magnificent creator. Before my humble eyes, lie oranges, yellows, pinks, and purples, bursting from the horizon which is echoed back from the glorious deep blue, freshwater beauty that stretches 22,400 square miles... I think about the 12 million people who live along Lake Michigan's shores and how lucky they are to begin their day to the sight of this creation. I am in reverence of what my God has created. I realize once again, how small I am and how vast His wonders are. My heart is bursting with delight and I watch this Awesome sight fade into a misty fog. Finally, I pull out my tray of convenience, fold my arms in front of me and nestle my tired head as I drift off into a peaceful sleep. "Hey Nichole...Hey....get up...we're here...get up...we're going to miss our flight...let's go.."

Oh Oblivion.

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 00:23:02 -0700

Oh oblivion! With dignity, I hold myself to thee. Self deception, none the less, some would think it cowardly. Darkness. Oh such brilliance, you've instilled profound desire. repressed by fear and ignorance to despite a blazing fire. No such risk in complacency, captured by stagnation. such Curiosity, I forbid thee to entertain infatuation.

Fortitude.

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 00:16:49 -0700

Conscience dreams and Memories Collide. Yet they do not coincide. They're intertwined with innocence and a blatant hollowness of despair. Without a humble care. and I am hollow. IamHollow. Ambitions fade to selfish-instant-gratifications. gliding steady on the fast track of yet another one way train. This is not my destination..it's a foreign infestation. a perpetual unattainable speed that envelopes as the atmosphere develops. a dizzy array of colors and lights and madness. nausea. and I can't discern, the steps I took to board. and I've no concern, for this double edged sword. Complacent ideologies and dogmas seep into the air that fills my lungs and gives my soul it's breaking cue. oxygen is ceasing.. hollowness increasing.. vio lent ly these lungs collapse inside my chest. and though faithless I am. yet again. You give me rest.

Choreographed and lack of passion.

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:40:39 -0700

Prototypes of what we were. Went full circle 'til I'm nauseous. Taken for granted now. Now I waste it, faked it, ate it, now I hate it. Congratulations. I can't seem to reserve my thoughts any longer, although, little does this entry adequately convey the ironically pensive mood that I have thus been undergoing. You are an amazing person.. You are so talented.. and so brilliant. and I can't even convey that to you. It is also certainly not my desire to reveal to you my adoration because what you perceive would simply be desperate contingencies of a possible relationship. Your thoughts are so complex....you take my actions and my words and my whole persona and you psycho analyze them into this; what you'd think be infallible, yet distorted perception of my being. Nothing I did, have done, nor will do can change this contorted perception. The ability to contain simultaneously, such a richly enlightened mind yet a troubled, searching, and dissatisfied Soul is intriguing yet ironic and absurd... To believe one possesses such intricate, meticulous, profound, and oh so intriguing cognitive content, you must realize the complexities in engaging in friendship with such a person. It seems that, in order to gaze admirably, to truly think of someone so highly, and allow it to shake fundamentally the basis of your inspiration, it must be done at a distance. You see, I simply cannot convey this infatuation,the way you've influenced me,or this admiration because you would take it solely as flattery. My friend, I have no reason to contribute to your egotism. You have shaken my thoughts terribly...you have disheartened me with your disapproval. Have I ever before been motivated by a person's neglect of interest? How frustrating it is that you could possibly believe that your relation to me encompasses my character. Although, with that possible notion, it causes me to question whether the character my life has thus depicted, in your perception, or in that case others perceptions as well, the person I've become? No, I would like to very optimistically believe that it has merely been an inconvenient timing for acquaintance. None the less, thank you? I believe that this has taken a toll on my current redundant lapsing and complacent setting. Furthermore, with my Chin up, I shall be looking forward gallantly determined. My sight shall be reverted to not a former state of understanding, but a period when my foundation seemed unshakable. I'll be idealistic. you can keep your Cynicism. ready. set go. Nichole