VIRB

I'm calm now. Very calm. I think this is the most peaceful and calm I've ever been. I got home at seven thirty this morning, and spent almost the whole day in prayer. I'm no longer afraid of it, of her. I've come to let my anger and my confusion go. In three hours, I'll walk through that door, calm, peaceful, smiling, and with the ability to love her, completely and freely. We'll get coffee, talk and be spoken to, laugh, maybe even cry, but I do know that I will be completely in the moment. No longer focusing on the past, or the future, but on the now. Something changed in me today while I was praying. It was wonderful. My heart skipped, and in that second it felt like eternity, and my mind stopped, and all there was was silence and peace, and when the next beat came, it thumped hard, bringing something with it, and I cried, a lot, because it brought me life back with it. I can feel it, whole and good, sitting behind my heart. I know now that it isn't about ego, or pride or invulnerability. But it's about absolute vulnerability, because that is true courage. So in three hours, I will walk through that door, 50 some miles from here, completely stripped bare of all pretense, of previous fear and nervousness, and just be there. I love her, and it's only today I came to realize what that meant.

Where are you Scott?
"Here."
What time is it?
"Now."
What are you?
"This moment."

There is never nothing going on. No moment is ordinary. And the hardest people to love are often the ones who need it the most.

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