Buschschwick http://virb.com/ericstout Virb 2.0 (@ericstout) en Hmm http://virb.com/ericstout/photos/1378302

Me and my beautiful girlfriend Sara

]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:26:46 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/photos/1378302 Fisheye Me http://virb.com/ericstout/photos/1378301

Fisheye Picture of me, slide film cross processed.

]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:26:43 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/photos/1378301 Fisheye Me 2 http://virb.com/ericstout/photos/1378300

Fisheye, Regular Film

]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:26:32 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/photos/1378300 drums http://virb.com/ericstout/photos/1378299

but i play bass...

]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:26:27 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/photos/1378299 Happiness. http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/172370
I have never been more happy. Everything in my life is finally pulling together and the pieces are all falling into the places they were supposed to be in. All the mistakes and trials that I have gone through has brought me to her. She's amazing. She is the light at the end of my tunnel.

These past weeks have been the best and are the start of my new life.

I can't wait for the future. And that feeling is amazing.]]> Sat, 11 Aug 2007 09:12:38 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/172370 Complete Control http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/166151
She yelled out to me, "Where ya headin'?!"

My eyes shifted around and rested on the most beautiful face imaginable.

"Anywhere...Take me on an adventure."

I hopped in the passenger seat and never looked back. The light became my home and the dark is never mentioned. When it creeps up on me, I look over at her...with her hands on the wheel.....in control. It could never feel more right.]]> Tue, 07 Aug 2007 06:51:17 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/166151 Dark Clouds of Relief http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162565
I wasn't doing well for a while. I was down, and I was out. Life was hard and the constant pounding on my chest of love, money, and worries were breaking me down.

Then the clouds let down the rain. Days on end the streets flooded and the water rushed. I took a drive and followed the water ways straight to her door. And there, with every drop of rain that hit the ground, I fell in love... Harder and harder. She is amazing. She is mine.

It's funny how one person can enter your life and make a world of difference. How one person can make you want to be a better person forever... Just to make her happy.

I like her. A lot. I can not wait for those plane wheels to hit the hot Arizona pavement, and to lay in bed with her again.]]> Sat, 04 Aug 2007 08:57:39 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162565 We'll Meet Again http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162212
I found the source of my mad headache.

I took care of it.

In all the wrong ways.

I know your messy ways will show through again.

I don't know where and I don't know when.

But I am running far away from them.

No more, no more.

Until the end.]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:17 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162212 Woah there... http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162211
That's the word that sums up today. Not a good day. No way. No how. Stupid shit really. People coming back into my life, leaving little notes about love. Just handled the wrong way pretty much. And not by me. I handled everything pretty well I believe. I could probably go on for hours about how much today effected me, but really in all honesty, what happened today has happened before and nothing ever changes. It is just a huge reminder of the pain and suffering I have endured. It is not my fault that some stupid knifing little bitch wiggled her way back into my life after she fled away so fast. I owe her nothing, and yet a huge part of my heart is still in love with her more then life itself. She doesn't deserve that, not at all.

I lost all my sleep last night to my mind racing about her. Love, life, happiness. Well, that and an ear infection, or something o the sorts. She just tends to break her way into my life after I have my ducks in a row and ready to march on forward and live my life to the fullest, without her. The hardest part about the whole thing though, is through the whole thing we have never fought. Not once. We have never hurt each other, smashed each others feelings or tried to make each other cry. We've cried together; about the love lost, and the memories we had. But never cried because of each other (with the exception of just missing her more then anything.)

I am really so sick of it. None of it makes sense. She says she misses me and that she thinks about me, so if that is the case why isn't she in my arms when she knows that they are open and only five miles away.

It just does not make any fucking sense.

Whatever, I was doing ok before I started typing this, so I think this is a rare case where I am making myself worse by telling my life to the keyboard. So, good night. Good fight.

Chin Up Kid, Chin Up......way up.

-ES]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:17 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162211 We'll Meet Again http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162210
I found the source of my mad headache.

I took care of it.

In all the wrong ways.

I know your messy ways will show through again.

I don't know where and I don't know when.

But I am running far away from them.

No more, no more.

Until the end.]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:17 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162210 Been A While http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162209
New york is so close I can feel it, tomorrow will be another day closer... more on that later.

Hanging out with old friends right now and it proves to be a little better then last with one exception...

I hate when my mind wanders and I get a tad down about stupid stuff....smells trigger it too . A certain sometime where I remember life as it once was, and then I wander off back into real life and I know its better to be here in 2007.

Life is good, and only getting better. I miss someone a tad, and that weirds me out...whatever. It is natural progress I suppose.

Sometimes my mind wanders and thinks of the way your heart feels when it belons to someone else.

And sometimes my mind speeds from thougt to thought and my hands shake, but that's my own fault and no one elses.

Sometimes I anm ok with that.]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:16 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162209 Woah there... http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162208
That's the word that sums up today. Not a good day. No way. No how. Stupid shit really. People coming back into my life, leaving little notes about love. Just handled the wrong way pretty much. And not by me. I handled everything pretty well I believe. I could probably go on for hours about how much today effected me, but really in all honesty, what happened today has happened before and nothing ever changes. It is just a huge reminder of the pain and suffering I have endured. It is not my fault that some stupid knifing little bitch wiggled her way back into my life after she fled away so fast. I owe her nothing, and yet a huge part of my heart is still in love with her more then life itself. She doesn't deserve that, not at all.

I lost all my sleep last night to my mind racing about her. Love, life, happiness. Well, that and an ear infection, or something o the sorts. She just tends to break her way into my life after I have my ducks in a row and ready to march on forward and live my life to the fullest, without her. The hardest part about the whole thing though, is through the whole thing we have never fought. Not once. We have never hurt each other, smashed each others feelings or tried to make each other cry. We've cried together; about the love lost, and the memories we had. But never cried because of each other (with the exception of just missing her more then anything.)

I am really so sick of it. None of it makes sense. She says she misses me and that she thinks about me, so if that is the case why isn't she in my arms when she knows that they are open and only five miles away.

It just does not make any fucking sense.

Whatever, I was doing ok before I started typing this, so I think this is a rare case where I am making myself worse by telling my life to the keyboard. So, good night. Good fight.

Chin Up Kid, Chin Up......way up.

-ES]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:16 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162208 I Thought I Knew http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162207
I guess the love they said they had for me were just words. Much like everything else that came out of her mouth.

I am not surprised really, nothing surprises me these days...That someone can just become horrible and wretched. I never trusted anyone anymore, not to the fullest extent, except for her. Well, now it's no one.

Best friends are usually friends forever, but in the present best friends is only when I feel it's convenient.

And so I say this to you now,

You asked what you did, I told you. You asked what you could do to make it better...

I told you.

Then 3 hours later you repeat the same heart shattering event. You walk all over my trust and the little bit of you I let slide back into my heart.

You disgust me and I can't believe I ever wanted you around my life forever.

I said some nasty things to you my love.


And I meant every single one of them.

-ES]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:16 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162207 Been A While http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162206
New york is so close I can feel it, tomorrow will be another day closer... more on that later.

Hanging out with old friends right now and it proves to be a little better then last with one exception...

I hate when my mind wanders and I get a tad down about stupid stuff....smells trigger it too . A certain sometime where I remember life as it once was, and then I wander off back into real life and I know its better to be here in 2007.

Life is good, and only getting better. I miss someone a tad, and that weirds me out...whatever. It is natural progress I suppose.

Sometimes my mind wanders and thinks of the way your heart feels when it belons to someone else.

And sometimes my mind speeds from thougt to thought and my hands shake, but that's my own fault and no one elses.

Sometimes I anm ok with that.]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:16 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162206 I Lost My Golden Ticket Home http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162205
This may seem like a phrase on a broken record but human hearts are fragile things, and people need to learn how to care for them. Humanity as a whole is disappointing. But is that anything new really? I'm sure some writer or artist felt this same way hundreds of years ago, and I'm sure someone only 100 miles away from me feels the same way. The trick in life is to surround yourself with people who make life worth living. Sometimes it's hard to find those people.

But everyday, I try.

I take chances, leaps and bounds, to become a person of interest, a person worth keeping around. And I search and sift through souls to try and find someone worth holding onto, forever. So far I've just been let down over and over again. I hate looking back at different periods of time in my life where I was truly and genuinely happy. They are supposed to be good happy memories, and I guess they are, but I just want to be happy again.

This is not really about love; I don't know what it is. Just lack of human contact. Real human contact. Or a hand on my leg while I drive in the hot Phoenix sun.

I just fell so fast while I sat in that seat. My eyes never left the goal. Yours did.

Whatever.]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:15 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162205 I Thought I Knew http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162204
I guess the love they said they had for me were just words. Much like everything else that came out of her mouth.

I am not surprised really, nothing surprises me these days...That someone can just become horrible and wretched. I never trusted anyone anymore, not to the fullest extent, except for her. Well, now it's no one.

Best friends are usually friends forever, but in the present best friends is only when I feel it's convenient.

And so I say this to you now,

You asked what you did, I told you. You asked what you could do to make it better...

I told you.

Then 3 hours later you repeat the same heart shattering event. You walk all over my trust and the little bit of you I let slide back into my heart.

You disgust me and I can't believe I ever wanted you around my life forever.

I said some nasty things to you my love.


And I meant every single one of them.

-ES]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:15 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162204 Complexity or Stupidty? http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162203
Then comes that fateful day where everything changes. They start a new life without you, and throw you out in the rain to be washed away. Were the words that rolled off the tongue before, for years, all lies? To me, you cannot just turn off the feelings in your heart. How does one person just completely change any love for the other person in one day, or one conversation?

So then there is the theory we discussed for about thirty minutes, about these people who break our hearts and in this, do us a favor. The favor, freeing our hearts and minds for the next amazing love, or that one special person we will spend the rest of our life with.

As the days go on, and the nights become colder, I don't believe in love anymore. It's a thing of book and movies. My whole life I have been trying to create the picture perfect romance, the ones I see on film. I've treated my loves like royalty, like they are the world to me...and in truth, they always were. I can only do this for so long...my heart can only take so much.

As of today, a few shots later, and a day alone... my heart is no longer capable of love. I am a shell of a man, who sits in his room and writes. Not for anyone, but for himself. I am a man who plays music, the same chords over and over, for no crowd.

I am a man who is in love with love, only for the sake of loving.

But there is no one worth loving.

So this brings me to the point where I have to ask... Why is this so complex? Why do I have to read into this so far... or is it really just stupidity on my ex lovers parts?

Some people believe in grey area, and some black and white. I am not sure what I believe. But I am sure it is a little bit of both. Life is short, and I am young... and I understand life is hard. However some people look out on the world from their comfortable lives and wonder what they are missing when they should be looking in on themselves and seeing what they really have. Like the boy, who always had his hand on your leg, or wrapped in your fingers. The boy who complained about family outings, but was always there...because he secretly liked them.

I loved every minute, but it's your complexity that has driven you away. So it's Ok now...Someday you'll understand.

Chin Up Kid, Chin Up.

-ES]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:15 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162203 Pour The Next One Down http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162202
Drinking to feel better, feeling better to live. Living to live because that's what we do. My world spins around and that's the way I like it right now. I realized today that I can't stand my family. The actual people they are. It's not that I wish they were different, I just don't like them. I mean, yeah they are good people in general, never done anything really bad to me... But as I sat at dinner I just realized that it's not what I thought it was all these years. The bickering, the talking behind backs, and lack of love. Either this is true life, or a smoke screen that needs to be cleared.

I hope that's not real life.

I hope real life is filled with loving kisses and hugs, and conversations of days gone by. I hope real life is everything I've ever wanted to make me happy.

Lately it seems as though happiness is lost in the world. And no one will ever find it.

I'm trying, really fucking hard.

-ES]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:15 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162202 I Lost My Golden Ticket Home http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162201
This may seem like a phrase on a broken record but human hearts are fragile things, and people need to learn how to care for them. Humanity as a whole is disappointing. But is that anything new really? I'm sure some writer or artist felt this same way hundreds of years ago, and I'm sure someone only 100 miles away from me feels the same way. The trick in life is to surround yourself with people who make life worth living. Sometimes it's hard to find those people.

But everyday, I try.

I take chances, leaps and bounds, to become a person of interest, a person worth keeping around. And I search and sift through souls to try and find someone worth holding onto, forever. So far I've just been let down over and over again. I hate looking back at different periods of time in my life where I was truly and genuinely happy. They are supposed to be good happy memories, and I guess they are, but I just want to be happy again.

This is not really about love; I don't know what it is. Just lack of human contact. Real human contact. Or a hand on my leg while I drive in the hot Phoenix sun.

I just fell so fast while I sat in that seat. My eyes never left the goal. Yours did.

Whatever.]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:15 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162201 Complexity or Stupidty? http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162200
Then comes that fateful day where everything changes. They start a new life without you, and throw you out in the rain to be washed away. Were the words that rolled off the tongue before, for years, all lies? To me, you cannot just turn off the feelings in your heart. How does one person just completely change any love for the other person in one day, or one conversation?

So then there is the theory we discussed for about thirty minutes, about these people who break our hearts and in this, do us a favor. The favor, freeing our hearts and minds for the next amazing love, or that one special person we will spend the rest of our life with.

As the days go on, and the nights become colder, I don't believe in love anymore. It's a thing of book and movies. My whole life I have been trying to create the picture perfect romance, the ones I see on film. I've treated my loves like royalty, like they are the world to me...and in truth, they always were. I can only do this for so long...my heart can only take so much.

As of today, a few shots later, and a day alone... my heart is no longer capable of love. I am a shell of a man, who sits in his room and writes. Not for anyone, but for himself. I am a man who plays music, the same chords over and over, for no crowd.

I am a man who is in love with love, only for the sake of loving.

But there is no one worth loving.

So this brings me to the point where I have to ask... Why is this so complex? Why do I have to read into this so far... or is it really just stupidity on my ex lovers parts?

Some people believe in grey area, and some black and white. I am not sure what I believe. But I am sure it is a little bit of both. Life is short, and I am young... and I understand life is hard. However some people look out on the world from their comfortable lives and wonder what they are missing when they should be looking in on themselves and seeing what they really have. Like the boy, who always had his hand on your leg, or wrapped in your fingers. The boy who complained about family outings, but was always there...because he secretly liked them.

I loved every minute, but it's your complexity that has driven you away. So it's Ok now...Someday you'll understand.

Chin Up Kid, Chin Up.

-ES]]> Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:41:14 -0700 http://virb.com/ericstout/posts/text/162200