What's up ballers. This is nathaniel! I just recently got a new tattoo. Thought i should share with you what it means an why it's so read and swollen. (that's what she said...) Ok now that i got that out of my system...

From my understand of past Heath Ledger movie watching and studying wars in High school, Fourth Feathers was a sign of being a huge fucking coward! I've loved this concept for years now and finally decided to get it fittingly tattooed under another tattoo that says "Awake O Sleeper." I have been a huge coward in the past and this is my reminder not to be one again. I really want to step in to uncomfortable situations, i believe it will help me grow.

Now there are a few things to discuss here. Anyone that has a tattoo that's reading this knows how damn itchy it is right now...haha. But more than that and more than the constant lube applications, i'd like to fill you in more on WHY i was a coward in the past.

I'm committed to being an open book so if anyone has questions please send them my way. Ok. Any one of my friends here in the city know that i'm all about getting to know people and that when i'm getting to know a women that i don't believe i can get to know here and start with all the romantic touching at the same time. I've lived by a fucked up standard in the past. Constantly planning ways to get into girls' pants and still some how be friends after i knew i was going to not let it go farther than a few nights. One reason why i was a coward right there, i was never straight up with the women i slept with. Not until after i got what i wanted at least!
There was one woman i did get to know without motivation for romance, or touching, or dating, none of that, just to get to know her. The effect of getting to know her was this ridiculous attraction. She finally made her way out east to come visit, but when it came time to jump off the cliff and see where my faith would take us, i bailed out. I found the first girl in site that i could use to not only fuck up what i had going for me, but also sling me back into my old standard of attraction, which was appearance and touch. This sent me into a downward spiral and i found out finally, like a slap in the face. Me. Nathaniel Wayne Swokowski cannot base my attraction to a woman based off appearance or touch or just connection. I really need to get to know someone and without all the touching or motivation to touch involved. I really fucked up something good and got the tattoo to remind me to step in to things. Continue learning, admitting my wrongs, and especially to have courage not be a coward.

p.s. i finally for the first time in months spoke with the one that i fucked over. it was a great conversation. I'll keep you updated...

these blogs will be weekly. hope you don't hate em.

p.p.s. listening to radiohead mostly as of recent. and reading the twilight series by stephanie meyer...word

P.S. CHECK OUT NEW FACEBOOK GROUP HERE! COPY AND PASTE URL
http://www.new.facebook.com/group.php?gid=40839619680