This has been a difficult summer. Communication is a very hard thing to get right, especially when you've spent most of your life avoiding it. I've been convicted recently that this has finally got to stop. Mike Breaux, the teaching pastor at my church is in a series now describing how the 12 steps are founded on the Bible, and useful for Christ-followers who are burdened with old emotional or relational baggage.

So, I'm starting to work the steps, and it's scary. The first thing I had to deal with is the question, "Do I really want to get better." I had to really think about this, because saying Yes means giving up my familiar thinking. That's scary, because no matter how dysfunctional I am, it's still a safe, familiar place. I know what the rules are in this joyless little life I have.

The next part involves the Fearless Inventory of my character. This is especially hard for someone who tends toward depression, because part of getting better from depression is not focussing on our past faults. This is the spot where I am right now, and it's not easy.

More later, as I work through this.