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Shoutbox - 33 comments
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greenvillin says:
There was a guy and his Pet monkey...
he decides to stop at the bar and have a drink,
he walks in with his monkey,sits down,& orders a drink
the monkey starts runnin around and gettin into everything
jumps on the bar and starts eating the lemon,limes and cherrys
the bartender jumps up and says hey he cant do that!!
the monkey jumps down and runs to the pool table
grabs the cue ball and starts sucking on it,then swallow it whole.
the bartender furious,says you & your monkey get the f*@# out.
The guy apoligizes,& pays for the drinks and damages and leaves.
about a month later the guy walks into the bar again with his monkey
he sits down,& orders a drink.
after a few,the monkey climbs up on a stool and grabs a cherry off the bar
the bartender watches as the monkey sniffs the cherrry then sticks it in his ass
the bartender"what the hell is he doing"?
The guy replies"Oh,he loves cherrys but,after the cue ball last time he measures things first.
Thanks for the invite!!
posted May 29
Nock4Six says:
Question: Why do all women love Jesus so much?
Answer: Cus when you're hung like THIS......
posted May 25
melika459 says:
This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh..well...ah....well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?!?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"
posted May 23
evillynn says:
Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
don't step on the ducks!'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
and although they try their best to avoid them,
the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day,
the second woman steps accidentally on a duck
and along comes St. Peter,
who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and,
not wanting to be chained
for all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months
without stepping on any ducks,
but
one day St.Peter comes up to her
with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being
chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says,
'I don't know about you,
but I stepped on a
duck.
posted May 23
Lou Briccant says:
Joe rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
Joe smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing under the robe.
Poor Joe breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..."
He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" The flustered, embarrassed Joe stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"
She's astounded! "Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They're full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they're firm and don't sag, and have no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!"
Clearing his throat once again, Joe stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming? That was me."
posted May 22
melika459 says:
Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping.
The guy in back, Paul, says, "Oh yeah, Oh yeah!"
Then the first guy turns around and says, " Hey Paul, shut up!"
Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts, "Yeah baby..mmmm....yeah!"
Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet. So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent.
The guy in front says, "Hey Paul, where's all your excitement now?"
Paul says, "All over your back!"
posted May 22
melika459 says:
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail..... When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.
So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.
The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How's that?" "Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast.....she farted and flew out the window!"
posted May 22
melika459 says:
In the Garden of Eden,
as everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
without any clothes.
In this garden,
were two little leaves,
one covered Adam's,
one covered Eve's.
As the story goes on,
Never the less to say,
the wind came along,
and blew the leaves away.
At the sight,
Adam did stare,
There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair.
And wonder came,
Under Eve's eyes,
As Adam's thing,
started to rise.
They found a spot,
that suited them best,
a nice big tree,
where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider,
and wider apart,
While thrill after thrill,
Came into her heart.
The head of Adam's thing,
Peeked into the hole,
and filled her with passion,
Beyond her control.
Backward and forward,
His thing did slide,
And Eve's treasure,
was all wet inside.
The joy was good,
She wouldn't let loose,
Until Adam's thing,
Was all out of juice.
Then down through the years,
People did screw,
and now it is time,
for me and you.
So pull down your pants,
and lay in the grass,
because I'm in the mood,
for a piece of that ASS!
posted Jun 3