a few months ago i bit the bullet and subscribed to the weekly print, …

a few months ago i bit the bullet and subscribed to the weekly print, which was a decision i do not regret, and definitely recommend.

I took a poetry class in college that leaned very much towards the …

I took a poetry class in college that leaned very much towards the postmodern, and once, when I was feeling very uninspired, I almost handed in a poem made up entirely of Onion headlines. I came up with something else in time, but here's what I'd already compiled:

Guy From Pringles Ad Convicted On Law & Order
Office-Newsletter Editor Refuses To Back Down
Restaurant Turns Out To Be Spanish, Not Mexican
Friend Buys Computer Just Like That

In Search Of A Better Life, Teen Moves Downstairs
$25,000 Is Its Own Reward
Plan To Make Snacks Last Through Opening Credits Fails
Orgy A Logistical Nightmare

Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes
Everybody Browsing At Video Store Saying Stupid Things
Crazy Japanese Punk Girl Delights Entire Dorm Floor
[...]

There Are So Many Experiences I Want To Write About Having Had
I Do So Adore The Adult Theater
I Must Take Issue With the Wikipedia Entry For 'Weird Al' Yankovic
Truth Be Told, I Have Nothing To Say

[The final stanza was to have been made up entirely of question-headlines, but I only came up with the final 2:]

Where Have All the Mattress-Sale Visionaries Gone?
Why No One Want Make Hulk 2?

the onion is pretty schweet.

the onion is pretty schweet.