i dreamt i remembered something
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my dream self remembered being young
like a boy of 8 or 10
and curious
and finding a secret in a fireplace
but in whose home was this? and what was in the fireplace?
it was all very blurry
i sought out guidance and found myself in a small corner market
half of the flourescent lights were flickering or out completely
the floor had a foamy green color to it and i was looking for my aunt
she would know where the fireplace was

but there was a dog in the market
a white dog, fluffy like a chow, but taller and leaner like a wolf
he knew i was remembering and tasted the darkness of the secret
he came at me like smoke
not for my legs or my crotch, he wanted my throat
i clamped my hands over his snout and could feel the fever in his breath
my fingers digging into his gums and snarl and whisker
he quivered with hatred

a pause

and then i was walking calmly down a boardwalk
in a crowded city, in a part of town where the streets are thick with culture
the people have a pride about them and the old women remember their mother land
i was hand in hand with a young brunette i did not recognize
she took me to a small stand selling jewelry and i explained to the old woman there that i needed her help
i paid her money but took no jewels
i needed her guidance
and when the words began to seep from my mouth a huge swell of black seawater rose up behind the stand
it was coming over the pier and sweeping everything away
the wave crashed and caught us waist deep, the unfamiliar brunette and i ran towards and alley
dripping wet i lifted her onto the partially lowered ladder of a fire-escape
she climbed to the top and thats the last i saw of her

and then i was swept away and taken into a sewage canal
it was there that i was accosted and taken prisoner by a group of older hispanic gang members
they were all shirtless and bald and wearing dark sunglasses despite being underground
they all had large crucifixs tattooed on their backs
when i explained who i was and what i was trying to remember, they lightened their grips
and warned me that i was in danger
but they agreed to show me a place that would help me remember
they lead me deeper into the sewer
i remember taking a handful of torn pages from a book
the words were light and full of positive energy
i tossed them onto a concrete ledge away from the water below, like a footprint
something to leave behind because i had the feeling i wasnt coming back

a pause

and i can only see slightly
my hand is searching
feeling around in the darkness - covered in soot
i find a brick that feels slightly loose and out of place
i press it in and a sound and a fog comes out that fills me with a fear stronger than ive ever felt
i am terrorfied but i cannot stop myself
i crawl inside the fireplace and remove the brick and another and another
and another until there is a hole in the darkness - to an even darker void
the cold dusty fear of crouching in a fireplace with my face inches from a hole to the purest of evils
and this is all i can recall