Proud American is a new docudrama (of sorts) chronicling "five powerful singular stories" magnifying "the pillars that make America a truly grand society." Directed by award-winning corporate media producer Fred Ashman, this "loving look at the American Dream" is beautifully shot in 75mm thanks to some charitable funding by Wal-Mart, Coca-Cola, MasterCard, and American Airlines. Of course, with two of the five stories follow the founding of Wal-Mart and Coca-Cola, having their money in the project might go without saying.

This movie is a farce. Somehow it has managed 14% on Rotten Tomatoes. And somehow it has 2.3/10 stars on IMDB, where one user rightly called the movie the "World's Most Expensive After-School Special". But it is a farce. Right? It has to be. Otherwise it is the world's longest commercial; another disgusting, disturbing attempt by corporate America to leverage patriotism into consumerism.

Why do I eerily foresee this film making its ways into classrooms, shown right beside those lame school videos during social studies?

Fun fact: "Opening in 750 theaters, Proud American managed to earn only $96,076, or $128 per venue -- the worst for any wide release in the United States since at least 1982."