Why does it feel so right
When pain speaks for my heart
Through pressure on a knife?
Why does it feel so wrong
When shame overcomes
And sleeves fall in disguise?

There really must be a reason
For scars that sing the thoughts unspoken

It's expression
It's complexity of emotion
It makes so much sense and none
Causing this ever-lingering battle
Waging on in my head

They don't understand these actions
They judge too quickly--when the problem
Lies deeper than what they're looking for
Can't you see that all I want is more?
Such a thing cannot satisfy
Cannot quench, cannot gratify

And yet it's my reliance
Holding tightly to me, and I to it
Never loosening my grip
For me, there's nothing else but this

When the struggle lies within yourself
How can you win or lose?
Opposing thoughts, but same perspective
Can you really choose?

A rush of pain and blood
A flood of momentary relief
Indulging in the overwhelming
Anger, hate, and grief

I deserve this punishment
For the thoughts I carry 'round
They'll only hide for oh, so long
Till the surface they have found

When the struggle lies within yourself
How can you win or lose?
I scream and cry, "Put down this knife"
But my will won't let me choose

"It's my body--I'm in control,"
Is my desperate plea
But if that's true, then please explain
Why I can't refuse a "need"?

© 2008 Written by Hope Stuemke.
All Rights Reserved.