Every person will have or has had a moment in their life where they are suddenly faced with the reality that they have a decision to make. These moments look incredibly diverse. These moments can feel entirely different to each individual when they experience them. Sometime these moments are not really moments, but days, months, even years of discovering that there is a choice to be made...a decision to move forward with. But ever person has theses moments...and every person has only two choices. There is no third option. There is no reset button. There is only forward movement...or no movement. The question is simple.

Who are you?

For some people this question is easy. But my experience is that for most people, it is much more difficult. We just don't realize we are being asked this question. Over and over again. Day in and day out. We are confronted time and again about our perception of our identity. Some questions are asked so frequently that they become silly and almost pointless. "Where are you going to go to college?" "What do you want to be when you grow up?" As the son of a preacher-man, one particular inquiry was asked at almost every church, and by either senior citizens or my peers..."SOOOO...are you going to be a pastor like your dad?" (I've grown to despise that question!) But there is suddenly this moment in time...whether you discover it at the bottom of another empty bottle...the razor sharp point of a blade or needle...the crystal clear sun melting into the dark blue water of the ocean...having a tiny fragile heart enclosed by blood and flesh, wide-eyed and screaming from being exposed to a new world, placed in your arms...or standing in a daze watching the first shovel of dirt lead the precession of more dirt that will pile upon the coffin...when you wake up and realize that you don't know the name of the person who is naked and lying next to you...these moments...when this one reality stands with you toe to toe and proceeds to violently punch in all of your teeth with this one question.

Who are you?

Or let's make it more personal...

Who am I?

Everyone struggles with this...and I have proof. Psychology. Philosophy. Sociology. Religion. Just pick one of those randomly and you'll discover that their primary purposes is too use their perception of reality to explain who we are. Seriously people...if we all knew who we were...we wouldn't need a bunch of people to sit back in chairs and listen to us bitch for hours, then we have to pay these douche-bags to simply tell us, "you need to discover who you are!" Oh, no shit? It that's simple...I'll just go home now...thanks, doc or pastor or whoever...you've totally helped me! You can't escape it. I don't care if you claim to believe in an "Almighty supreme Creator who designed us all for a higher purpose" or if you step back and look at the world and say, "there is no way that there is anything other than right now." WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH IT! And if you want to be cocky enough to sit here and be like, "not me...I've got it all down" you're a fucking liar...and don't ever come crying to me saying, "I'm so confused...I don't know what to do." (especially if it relates to someone breaking your heart or some bullshit like that!) Because I'm just going to look at you and politely remind you that I was under the assumption that YOU KNEW EVERYTHING!!!

Ok. That is a bit harsh. But the point is this...EVERYBODY goes through those moments. Now, some of you may have had it easier than others, and some of you may have already figured it out. Great. Just be patient with the rest of us. We're a little confused and a little scared and we do stupid shit trying to deal with it. I understand we can get a bit annoying...but please...as much as you've claimed to have learned how to deal with life...you have a really funny way of showing it when you become impatient with the rest of us.

To everybody else in the world. Here is the "pep-talk" part. The "go-get-'em kid" moment, when I shall bring forth such an amazing, powerful, motivational dialogue of epic proportions that all who read it shall be so dramatic empowered to go and be who they are, the rest of the world will stand in sheer amazement of this force of new life and hope in your hearts!!!! Fine. Probably not...but here's hope'n!

The title of this is taken from a Jimmy Eat World song. The chorus is simple and I think so profound.

"You'll sit alone forever, if you wait for the right time...what are you hoping for?"

I want to unpack these two lines and hopefully you're already seeing where I'm going with this. I think too often for those of us who are struggling with our identity, the whole "what is my purpose" question that it becomes so deathly scary most of us start to shut down and watch our lives go to hell in a hand-basket. And the reason is because we are waiting for that moment of clarity when the planets align, the sunrise always happens exactly when we want it too (which is like 10:45am for me!), the coffee is always brewed for us, and our significant other is ALWAYS beautiful and understanding (which means the sex would be great too!). We wait for the instant in time where the clouds part and there in front of us is a big, bright, audacious neon sign that says, "DO THIS!" And this is what I cannot reconcile...IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN!!!! I can't understand why out of all creation, me, in all of my stuplendious fantasticness, glory, am not somehow entitled to that sort of preferential treatment. (cause if I was I would totally share it with the rest of you!) But the sad truth of the matter is that there is no sign. There is no map that is going to just show up in the mailbox one day explaining exactly where to go and what to do.

But that seems to be what we all hope for. We still seem inclined to just sit by and let our lives pass by us and one day we'll wake up and go "how the hell did I get here?" And in that moment we'll hear a voice say, "Cause you never left."

You see my life is plagued with over thinking every possible situation. And that leaves me paralyzed. I'm so confined by my thoughts that I can no longer actually make a decision, primarily because I'm absolutely scared of the consequences of my choices. But the simple truth is that I have to start making some of these decisions. If I ever want to move out of the recliner of a complacent, mediocre existence and begin to actually live and experience life, I have to start making some decisions and stop hoping for someone to make them for me. And I need to be able to embrace the simple fact that some people may not like the decisions. That's fine. They are human just like me. But I'm not responsible for them. I'm only responsible for myself.

People...if you believe in your heart that you need to do that thing or be this type of person, you need to move in that direction. It's not saying that plans can't change, but we need to at least get to ourselves to the point where those plans can change. This is what I mean...plans cannot change unless you're doing something that is already moving. If you're just sitting around waiting for something you're going to miss out on everything else and also miss out on having the option of experiencing something else.

To be entirely honest...this is me trying to figure that all out. I'm 23...I've had no direction for a long time. I'm having to step back, re-evaluate, and realize that if I want "this or that" I'm going to have to just start moving in that direction. I can no longer allow myself to wake up at 5:30am (and by that I mean hit snooze until 7am) and just go to a job that don't really want to do, go home sit down and say, "I wonder when something great will happen to me?"

I am something great.

And it is time for me to start living that way.

You are something great.

And it is time for you to start living that way.

much love.