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    <title>Jaymes</title>
    <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi</link>
    <description><![CDATA[...I love tattoos and piercings and body modification. I have a couple different tattoos and I plan on more...LOTS MORE!!! I currently don't have any piercings...when I did, I rocked 3/4" gauges in both ears, I have had my lip pierced 5 different times in different places, I've had both nostrils pierced at different times, and I also have had a monroe piercing. I miss them much!

...I am deeply spiritual, but I don't consider myself religious.

...I consider Grand Rapids, Michigan my home, though I have lived on both coasts and was born just outside of Chicago. I miss Grand Rapids desperately. It is filled with the people that I love most. They are my family...they have carried me and loved me in my most un-lovely and un-lovable moments.

...I became smoke-free, caffeine-free, and a vegetarian in late September of 2006. I love it!...I love Newcastle beer...especially when it is shared with good friends over good conversation.

...I have recently fallen in love with running.

...I have been playing guitar for 11 years now. I studied music all through high school and went to college to further that education...but school wasn't for me...so I quit...at least for the time being.

...I enjoy films and music...it is rare to find me not mulitasking around one of those two entertainment mediums.

..I am fan of books...especially ones that actually enlighten people (if you have any suggestions...please send me them!)

...I'm a person who is learning that everyone is worthy of love.]]></description>
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      <title>The Jesus Who Said No</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/338521</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Besides Jesus resurrection there are three other accounts in the New Testament gospels of people being raised back to life. All of them were instigated by Jesus himself. The first we find in Luke chapter 7. Jesus is walking into the village of Nain and it says that, along with his disciples there is a large crowd with him. Upon entering the village they are confronted by a funeral procession walking out of the village to the burial site. The ceremony is for a young boy of a widowed woman. The Message translation retells the account like this...

 


"As they approached the village gate, they met a funeral procession...a woman's only son was being carried out for burial. And the mother was a widow. When Jesus saw her, his heart broke. He said to her, "Don't cry." Then he went over and touched the coffin. The pallbearers stopped. He said, "Young man, I tell you: Get up." The dead son sat up and began talking. Jesus presented him to his mother. They all realized they were in a place of holy mystery, that God was at work among them. They were quietly worshipful - and then noisily grateful, calling out among themselves, "God is back, looking to the needs of his people!" The news of Jesus spread all through the country." - Luke 7:12-17 (the message)


 

So this event becomes a talking point at all the local joints in this village and the surrounding area. You can just picture all the guys standing around debating the theological implications of what happened and all the women discussing the virtues of what Jesus did. This was no longer just some magic trick like his whole water-to-wine thin. This was intense and an entire gathering of people saw first hand what Jesus did.

 



The very next chapter we come across the story of the Jarius. Jesus returns from a little boat trip and is immediately met by this well-to-do man of the town. Jarius' twelve year old daughter has become incredibly ill and so he has sought out Jesus to come and heal his daughter...the same as Jesus has done for so many other people. Jesus agrees but on the way to the household he is compelled to stop because of an interaction with a woman in the crowd. During this time Jarius receives word that his daughter has died. He is preparing to leave Jesus and go begin the mourning process when Jesus says, "what are you doing? she's not dead." So they keep on their way to the home and this is what happens...

 



"Going into the house, he wouldn't let anyone enter with him except Peter, John, James, and the child's parents. Everyone was crying and carrying on over her. Jesus said, "Don't cry. She didn't die; she's sleeping." They laughed at him. They knew she was dead. Then Jesus, gripping her hand, called, "My dear child, get up." She was up in an instant, up and breathing again! He told them to give her something to eat. Her parents were ecstatic, but Jesus warned them to keep quiet." - Luke 8:51-56 (the message)


 

Here is what is so interesting to me in this story. Everyone who was walking with Jesus heard the messenger tell Jarius his had passed away. They then saw Jesus and the parents go into the house. They more than likely saw Jesus and the disciples leave. I can only imagine the amount of questions circulating around the crowd. So did the little girl just stay inside for the rest of her life??? I mean...it's not like Jesus is going to be able to hide the fact that he brought the little girl back to life. Eventually people are going to know what he did. The point is that people were going to soon enough know that Jesus had healed her.

 


The final account is found in John 11. This death is one that actually really affects Jesus, simply because it is one of his closest friends, Lazarus. Now, Jesus is several days of travel away from where Lazarus is when he told that his friend has become ill. He then waits a few days before finally departing to where Lazarus and his family lives. When he does eventually arrive there, Lazarus has been dead for 4 days already. That's long enough in the middle east for a body to have begun decomposing quite rapidly. The Bible also relates how Lazarus' village was not far from Jerusalem and so several friends of the family had traveled there and were still present mourning his death when Jesus arrived. Again...we've got a large crowd on hand to witness what happens next.

"Now Jesus wept. The Jews said, "Look how deeply he loved him." Others among them said, "Well, if he loved him so much, why didn't he do something to keep him from dying? After all, he opened the eyes of a blind man." Then Jesus, the anger again welling up within him, arrived at the tomb. It was a simple cave in the hillside with a slab of stone laid against it. Jesus said, "Remove the stone." The sister of the dead man, Martha, said, "Master, by this time there's a stench. He's been dead four days!" Jesus looked her in the eye. "Didn't I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" Then, to the others, "Go ahead, take away the stone." I know you always do listen, but on account of this crowd standing here I've spoken so that they might believe that you sent me." Then he shouted, "Lazarus, come out!" And he came out, a cadaver, wrapped from head to toe, and with a kerchief over his face. Jesus told them, "Unwrap him and let him loose." That was a turnaround for many of the Jews who were with Mary. They saw what Jesus did, and believed in him." - John 11:35-45 (the message)

Ok. So we have three different times when Jesus brings someone back to life. Three different occasions when a large group of people saw for themselves these miracles. Here is my question. Was the mortality rate in the first century only 3? I mean seriously...were Lazarus, the little girl, and the widow's boy the only people who kicked the can during Jesus life? Which leads to the next question...why didn't Jesus do this more? I mean if I was in the crowd and just saw what he did I would be like, "Jesus, bro...homie...my Uncle Frank just had a heart attack last week...you totally need to bring him back...I mean his wife is really struggling right now and his boys are just running wild too...can you do that for me?" Right? We all would. We all have people that have passed on too soon and if we knew of somebody who could do what Jesus was doing...we would be all over that...trying to persuade him to resurrect the dead. And I would bet money people did ask him. (...as my old professor P. Long would say...I'm not willing to take a bullet for that...but I'm fairly confident in that assumption based upon my limited knowledge of humanity and their interaction with life and death.)

Then there is this story in Mark. Right in the very first chapter Jesus casts out a demon, heals Simon's mother-in-law, and then that evening is healing and casting out demons on Simon's doorstep. The next morning he takes off super early and is praying when his disciples find him and say that the village is already back with more sick and crazies waiting for him to heal them. This is what Jesus says...

"They found him and said, "Everybody's looking for you." Jesus said, "Let's go to the rest of the villages so I can preach there also. This is why I've come."" - Mark 1:37&38 (the message)

WHAT? Jesus was just informed of a whole entire group of people who were in desperate need of help and he bails!!! He takes off. I know some of you are going to be like..."but look...he's going to preach the good news to other people." Whatever. He still left a complete cluster of broken people behind.

Jesus said no.

Why? Why did he do it? Why would the Son of God...the flannel-graph Jesus I grew up learning about...the one I just assumed made everyone better...why would he say no? Why would he just up and leave people high and dry. How devastated were these people when they found out Jesus had just jumped shipped and headed out to another village? I mean...what does that say about these people? Did they feel slighted? Did they feel like they were no longer good enough (...or screwed-up enough) for Jesus to heal? Maybe. But I would argue that Jesus was very intentional about this and for one very specific reason.

I believe Jesus said no, because we are suppose to say yes. Jesus wasn't supposed to be the one doing all the healing. We are. I wonder if a significant part of Jesus' life was simply an example of what we should have been doing all along. Like this story from Acts...

"One day at three o'clock in the afternoon, Peter and John were on their way into the Temple for prayer meeting. At the same time there was a man crippled from birth being carried up. Every day he was set down at the Temple gate, the one named Beautiful, to beg from those going into the Temple. When he saw Peter and John about to enter the Temple, he asked for a handout. Peter, with John at his side, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Look here." He looked up, expecting to get something from them. Peter said, "I don't have a nickel to my name, but what I do have, I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!" He grabbed him by the right hand and pulled him up. In an instant his feet and ankles became firm. He jumped to his feet and walked. Everybody there saw him walking around and praising God." - Acts 3:1-9 (the message)

Ok...so this crippled guy has been placed in the temple door everyday for however many years. Who was one significant figure that had healing power and also was always in the temple when visiting Jerusalem? That's right class...Sunday School answer...it was Jesus. So Jesus passed this guy and never healed him. Peter and John did. I think this is because Jesus wasn't expected to be the ones loving on humanity and creation. We are.

I have this friend Chris. Chris is awesome...he is a little taller than me and much skinner than me. Which means that we should probably be scientifically studying his body to determine how one person can be that scrawny!!! When I first met Chris he was 18 or 19 and total crust-punk kid who loved grindcore and loved to hate Christians. Which meant that Chris and I shared mutual interests making him somebody I love. He was part of this band called Sadistic Slaughter that had a song called "Atheist" and at the end of the song Chris would scream at the top of his lungs "FUCK YOUR GOD!" So I just started loving on Chris and then one night about three months later I'm sitting having dinner with him and he says this...

"Jaymes I'm scared...I'm scared that I can't deny God anymore."

JKLFDKJLDAAJDSF!!!! That's about how I felt internally when I heard that. So we talked for a couple hours about some stuff and afterwards I proceeded to go directly to Mirf, who also knew Chris, and related all the events of that evening. He looked at me and inquired again if it was actually "Crusty Chris" and I said yes.

Mirf - "Annette and I have been praying for that kid for three years."

THREE YEARS!!! Mirf and his wife Annette had faithfully been praying for Chris...talking to him. Just loving on him. Because they had a deep love and passion for people like Chris, but more than that they knew that Jesus was expecting them to show up in the lives of these kids in our Grand Rapids music scene.

I just recently lurked Chris' myspace to find that under religion he has listed "Christian/Other." Now I'm not trying to take credit away from what I do believe is ultimately God's work on Chris' life...but at the same time, Chris was dramatically impacted by a couple of Christians who walked up to him and showed him love. During the "can't deny God" conversation, I asked Chris why he couldn't deny God anymore and one of his reasons was that myself, Mirf and Topher were the first Christians he knew that didn't condemn him for wearing all black, looking crazy and being a vulgar atheist. A few people who were simply faithful to practice the type of love Jesus showed us has had an impact in the life of someone who is now having an impact in other people's lives.

The time when Jesus said that anybody was weary and tired and heavy burdened could come to him and receive rest I think is too often personalized and never utilized. I think that we've forgotten that as followers of Jesus once we've received that type of love we are suppose to turn around and look at the world surrounding us and say, "hey...are you burned out? Are you hurting? Come to us...let us show you love and rest and peace...the same kind our Savior showed us."


much love.
]]></description>
      <pubDate>Fri, 23 Nov 2007 14:18:50 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/338521</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 12 "...you'll sit alone forever, if you wait for the right time...what are you hoping for?"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305744</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Every person will have or has had a moment in their life where they are suddenly faced with the reality that they have a decision to make. These moments look incredibly diverse. These moments can feel entirely different to each individual when they experience them. Sometime these moments are not really moments, but days, months, even years of discovering that there is a choice to be made...a decision to move forward with. But ever person has theses moments...and every person has only two choices. There is no third option. There is no reset button. There is only forward movement...or no movement. The question is simple.

Who are you?

For some people this question is easy. But my experience is that for most people, it is much more difficult. We just don't realize we are being asked this question. Over and over again. Day in and day out. We are confronted time and again about our perception of our identity. Some questions are asked so frequently that they become silly and almost pointless. "Where are you going to go to college?" "What do you want to be when you grow up?" As the son of a preacher-man, one particular inquiry was asked at almost every church, and by either senior citizens or my peers..."SOOOO...are you going to be a pastor like your dad?" (I've grown to despise that question!) But there is suddenly this moment in time...whether you discover it at the bottom of another empty bottle...the razor sharp point of a blade or needle...the crystal clear sun melting into the dark blue water of the ocean...having a tiny fragile heart enclosed by blood and flesh, wide-eyed and screaming from being exposed to a new world, placed in your arms...or standing in a daze watching the first shovel of dirt lead the precession of more dirt that will pile upon the coffin...when you wake up and realize that you don't know the name of the person who is naked and lying next to you...these moments...when this one reality stands with you toe to toe and proceeds to violently punch in all of your teeth with this one question.

Who are you?

Or let's make it more personal...

Who am I?

Everyone struggles with this...and I have proof. Psychology. Philosophy. Sociology. Religion. Just pick one of those randomly and you'll discover that their primary purposes is too use their perception of reality to explain who we are. Seriously people...if we all knew who we were...we wouldn't need a bunch of people to sit back in chairs and listen to us bitch for hours, then we have to pay these douche-bags to simply tell us, "you need to discover who you are!" Oh, no shit? It that's simple...I'll just go home now...thanks, doc or pastor or whoever...you've totally helped me! You can't escape it. I don't care if you claim to believe in an "Almighty supreme Creator who designed us all for a higher purpose" or if you step back and look at the world and say, "there is no way that there is anything other than right now." WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH IT! And if you want to be cocky enough to sit here and be like, "not me...I've got it all down" you're a fucking liar...and don't ever come crying to me saying, "I'm so confused...I don't know what to do." (especially if it relates to someone breaking your heart or some bullshit like that!) Because I'm just going to look at you and politely remind you that I was under the assumption that YOU KNEW EVERYTHING!!!

Ok. That is a bit harsh. But the point is this...EVERYBODY goes through those moments. Now, some of you may have had it easier than others, and some of you may have already figured it out. Great. Just be patient with the rest of us. We're a little confused and a little scared and we do stupid shit trying to deal with it. I understand we can get a bit annoying...but please...as much as you've claimed to have learned how to deal with life...you have a really funny way of showing it when you become impatient with the rest of us.

To everybody else in the world. Here is the "pep-talk" part. The "go-get-'em kid" moment, when I shall bring forth such an amazing, powerful, motivational dialogue of epic proportions that all who read it shall be so dramatic empowered to go and be who they are, the rest of the world will stand in sheer amazement of this force of new life and hope in your hearts!!!! Fine. Probably not...but here's hope'n!

The title of this is taken from a Jimmy Eat World song. The chorus is simple and I think so profound.

"You'll sit alone forever, if you wait for the right time...what are you hoping for?"

I want to unpack these two lines and hopefully you're already seeing where I'm going with this. I think too often for those of us who are struggling with our identity, the whole "what is my purpose" question that it becomes so deathly scary most of us start to shut down and watch our lives go to hell in a hand-basket. And the reason is because we are waiting for that moment of clarity when the planets align, the sunrise always happens exactly when we want it too (which is like 10:45am for me!), the coffee is always brewed for us, and our significant other is ALWAYS beautiful and understanding (which means the sex would be great too!). We wait for the instant in time where the clouds part and there in front of us is a big, bright, audacious neon sign that says, "DO THIS!" And this is what I cannot reconcile...IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN!!!! I can't understand why out of all creation, me, in all of my stuplendious fantasticness, glory, am not somehow entitled to that sort of preferential treatment. (cause if I was I would totally share it with the rest of you!) But the sad truth of the matter is that there is no sign. There is no map that is going to just show up in the mailbox one day explaining exactly where to go and what to do.

But that seems to be what we all hope for. We still seem inclined to just sit by and let our lives pass by us and one day we'll wake up and go "how the hell did I get here?" And in that moment we'll hear a voice say, "Cause you never left."

You see my life is plagued with over thinking every possible situation. And that leaves me paralyzed. I'm so confined by my thoughts that I can no longer actually make a decision, primarily because I'm absolutely scared of the consequences of my choices. But the simple truth is that I have to start making some of these decisions. If I ever want to move out of the recliner of a complacent, mediocre existence and begin to actually live and experience life, I have to start making some decisions and stop hoping for someone to make them for me. And I need to be able to embrace the simple fact that some people may not like the decisions. That's fine. They are human just like me. But I'm not responsible for them. I'm only responsible for myself.

People...if you believe in your heart that you need to do that thing or be this type of person, you need to move in that direction. It's not saying that plans can't change, but we need to at least get to ourselves to the point where those plans can change. This is what I mean...plans cannot change unless you're doing something that is already moving. If you're just sitting around waiting for something you're going to miss out on everything else and also miss out on having the option of experiencing something else.

To be entirely honest...this is me trying to figure that all out. I'm 23...I've had no direction for a long time. I'm having to step back, re-evaluate, and realize that if I want "this or that" I'm going to have to just start moving in that direction. I can no longer allow myself to wake up at 5:30am (and by that I mean hit snooze until 7am) and just go to a job that don't really want to do, go home sit down and say, "I wonder when something great will happen to me?"

I am something great.

And it is time for me to start living that way.



You are something great.

And it is time for you to start living that way.




much love. ]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:59:58 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305744</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 11 "...nobody said it was easy"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305743</link>
      <description><![CDATA[God...how long has it been since I've gotten one of these posted...for the three of you who read this...I'm so sorry.

I would not say that I am an "avid" Coldplay fan...but I do enjoy their music. Especially when I'm in this weird mood of feeling somewhat motivated to be artistic and try and create something. There is just an element to their song writing that really has the ability to foster some thought. Which is really where the thought for this blog got rolling around in my head. I love the line from "The Scientist"..."nobody said it was easy, nobody said it was easy"

Nobody said it was easy.

Not one person ever who had any real knowledge or intellect about life said..."aw. i got this...damn...this is a cake-walk!" I mean really...who in their right mind would have the balls to come out and be like "oh my gosh...my life is just like so easy...i've got everything figured out!!!" (If you happen to be one of those people, please feel free anytime to get off your damn high-horse and start explaining to the rest of us, why for some reason you're so enlightened and the rest of us have not yet grasped the secret nature of figuring out this shitstorm called "life") Let's be honest...life is a royal pain in the ass...not sometime...most of the time. The reality is that most of us, for most of our lives are going to struggle with this sunrise-to-sunset, 8-hour work day, filled with the curve-balls of life. Some examples...

Today at work...a coworker promptly informed us "I have to leave, Ken was in an accident and they're towing the car...I have to go pick him up." Thankfully the accident was not a life-threatening deal...apparently Ken was a little banged up...but the reality is that now this family has to deal with several bills, potential fines and tickets should they be found liable, and any medical costs that come about from this.

Or how about this...another co-worker was leaving the other day and in the course of our polite office banter, she says, "my friend is getting checked out on Monday to see if the cancer's come back...she's 36." WHAT? Not only is it bad enough to contract cancer at 36...but for a second time. This example is great because it shows the connectiveness of humanity. Now my work associate is not the one with cancer, her friend is. Yet she is still feeling the effects of a life that demands us move beyond the shallow, mindless, movement that suppresses all the hurt and pain we endure.

One more work example. Yesterday, a supervisor of mine rushed out the door. I had no idea what was going on. Until about 5 minutes later when an associate of ours came and told me she would be assuming our exiting partner's responsibilities for the next couple of days...because our co-worker received the news her father was in the hospital and probably not going to make it.

Life is a bitch sometimes.

Look people. We are not going to escape this life. We try in so many ways. Alcohol. Sex. Drug abuse. Suicide. But the reality is that when we resign ourselves to these selfish coping mechanisms we just make the problem worse. I remember once, I was really down (like that's any surprise!) This particular night I was being especially pessimistic and nihilistic and doing the who emotional "i don't want to go on....my life sucks...i hate life." (yeah...I'm a whiny little punk!) Anyways, it happened that this night some friends came into the coffee shop. One of them was my friend Lindsay, who I knew through a mutual companion. Now, up to this point I definitely considered Lindsay my friend...but we hadn't really hung-out up to this point. But this particular night, Lindsay won a spot on very close to the top of the "best friends ever list." This is why I love this girl. She observed my demeanor that evening and through the process of asking (as only she could) "what the fuck is wrong with you." I launched into some diatribe about the pointlessness of life, and how incredibly horrible it was, and how I just wanted it all to end...blah, blah, blah. This is the most firm I think anyone ever got with me. In front of everybody there (and rather loudly) she looked me in the eye and said, "don't you dare be that fucking selfish. You want to be that fucking selfish and I will tie the noose for you and then kick the fucking chair out from your feet. MY FRIENDS DON'T DO THAT SHIT!" That was one moment in my life, that now as I look back I realize how much our generation keeps looking for very selfish ways not to deal with a screwed up world. 

To my generation...we are probably one of the most selfish and apathetic eras ever! (and I've stood right on the front lines.) Seriously. We are a generation that has so much luxury that we can afford to drown out the cries of dying world and focus on our own selfish message of "i'm just fucking giving up!" Look. LIFE IS HARD! I'll be the first to admit that my life is a life that I feel like I'm constantly crawling on my hands and my knees, crying and swearing, being a little bitch and wanting to just say "fuck it all...I'm done!" But I can't. And here's why.

Because of people like Lindsay. She took the time out of her life to inject hope into my heart.

Because of people like my co-worker. Who take the time to care for her friend.

People...we instinctively know that we are wired to love. We are designed to care for each other and this world. We all have it in us. At some point...ultimately...you know it. I don't care how hard you claim you are...how much you claim that love doesn't exist...it does. The problem is that we think of love differently than we should. You see ultimately love is about the complete sacrifice for another. True, honest, pure love has no expectations of return. This is why films and literature and art that express someone who dies for a cause or a person that doesn't deserve that death, ultimately bring us to tears. (Or give us those little shivers and goosebumps.)

Here's the thing...we can be a part of that beautiful story.

My friend Kali is 16 and she would be the first to admit that life can suck balls sometimes. The other day she told me that she just started a group that meets at school whose specific purpose is to raise awareness about the genocide in Darfur and find ways to help bring an end to that destruction. SIXTEEN YEARS OLD! And she is stepping out of her own life for a second and saying, "i'm going to make a difference." How freak'n powerful can that be? It's not easy...but it is simple!

This is something Mother Teresa once said, "I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love."

How crazy is that. There is actually a book that just recently came out documenting different letters and journals from Mother Teresa that exposed how much this woman struggled with her life, both physically and spiritually. The point is she didn't stop. She kept moving forward. She kept loving...even when it hurt. Because it wasn't about her.

Nobody said it would be easy...not my friend Lindsay or any of the other people in my life that have seen me be a completely selfish little child.

But there is hope.

There is love.

It hurts to love.

But love ultimately brings us hope.



much love.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:58:15 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305743</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 10 "...ownership"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305731</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Skelletones is hands-down probably the most influential element in my life to date. One little venue has taught me so much about life. I was introduced to more people, more music, more artwork, more literature, more ideas, more experiences than any other place up to this point in my life. When I was first introduced to this establishment I was this frightened little boy who had all these questions about life...but didn't know how to start asking them. I had spent the majority of my life living in a bubble...a tiny, little, closed-off, sheltered idea that some people were good and other people were bad, and everything was black and white. But at this point I was really wrestling with that. And what's more important...Skelletones finally introduced me to good music. Dear God in heaven, why did you take so long to let my ears take in the sweet, glorious melodies and harmonies of harcore, punk, metal, acoustic-singer-songwriter, emo, experimental, indie...all of it!!! WHY? WHY? WHY? I wasted so many years listening to dc Talk and Steven Curtis Chapman when I could have been listening to Anti-Flag, Social Distortion, Rocky Votolato, Death Cab For Cutie!!! AAAHHH!!! Makes me sick. (although I still enjoy dc Talk...Steven Curtis Chapman...let's just pretend that I never admitted to buying his records!)

One of the most powerful things about Skelletones is that unlike most independent music venues...this place stayed open longer than 2 months!!! In fact I believe they are going on 7 years. That's an accomplishment. The second is that Skelletones was started not to make money off a profitable music genre at the time...it was started in the spirit of the punk rock diy movement and started by people that love music, love weird kids that love music, which means they love the music scene. Mirf and Annette have poured blood, tears, sweat, and their every last breath into being a powerful movement and force in changing the kids in the Grand Rapids music scene. And beyond that they have worked excessively hard to place it in the loving (and often dangerous and ungentle) hands of those very kids. This wasn't Mirf and Annette's venue...this was our venue. We all seemed to have ownership in it. Some of us poured a bit more into than others...and some of us flat out dedicated every moment we could into being within those four walls. Whether we were part of the bands playing the shows, audience members in attendance for some of the most amazing (and at other times horrifying) music ever listened to, part of the volunteer staff that would stay after and clean or talk, or part of the "regulars" that would sit at the coffee bar and dialogue about why this particular band was more influential than the modern-mainstream, bullshit we were seeing on MTV. (all very cliché...but all very true!) The fact is that for many of us, Skelletones was the dinner table that our dysfunctional, misfit, over-emotional, bi-polar family would gather around each day at 7pm when those doors opened and stay at often well into the next morning (usually around 3am). The truth is that we believed in Skelletones...Skelletones believed in us, and therefore a bond was forged where we would do just about anything and everything to see that place survive for the next generation of little, black-clad, hot-topic-shopping, mallcore, hellions that would start strolling through our doors (no matter how annoying some of them were)!

It simply has to do with ownership. If you believe in something you take responsibility for it and become a part of its life-blood. But as years have passed and our generation has started to grow up, responsibility has taken a back-seat to victimization. We have drawn ourselves to be the most horribly violated victims that we no longer deem it necessary to take charge of accepting our part in this world. Recently Henry Rollins was speaking to a group of Israeli young people, and was specifically addressing the continuous conflict between Palestinians and Jews. He addressed that it was the call of these young people to do something radical to end the violence between these two people groups. They have inherited this battle from their parents and if they don't do something they'll pass it onto their heirs. The problem right now is the role of responsibility. These poor kids didn't start this conflict. They didn't start bitching over land and rights...but they sure as hell have grown up right in the middle of it and are stuck with this dilemma; either be a proponent of change and see something powerful and revolutionary happen...or simply let things persist the way they are and see more suicide bombs, open market attacks, and military conflicts. Their parents are going to die off and eventually, whether they like it or not they are going to assume responsibility for the next steps in this journey.

This is the truth our generation is facing today. We did not start 90% of the shit that we are dealing with now. We didn't...it's that simple. BUT...we are responsible for it now. Sorry. That's the truth though. We are stuck with a faulty, screwed up, broken system...and we have two choices. Either we are going to take ownership of this epidemic and do something about it...or we can sit and whine and bitch like everyone before us and watch the world go to hell. Look...I don't like it either...trust me...ask anyone that I use to hang around with from 4 years ago to now...I'm the most whiny, sniffling little victim there is. I want it to be everyone else's fault...and it could very easily be painted that way. The problem is that they are not going to take the fall for it...we are. They're all going to die off in the end and we are the ones who are going to be left with a world falling apart. So get over it...suck it up, grow a pair and let's do something about it. This is our world now...they are losing touch with it (if they haven't lost it already). Now I am fully aware that I am going to have to walk into my bathroom, stand in front of a mirror and recite this whole paragraph verbatim. But that's just it...this is you and me. We don't have a good choice...this is not a win/win situation...but we can do it. You and I. We need to stop throwing immature temper tantrums and actually grow up and start fighting...but we need to be smart about it. This is our war, our battle, and I sure as hell would like to learn to go down swinging than roll over and take it up the ass!

Let's talk about this idea of fighting smart. Right now I see two primary groups operating in this generation. The system of materialism and the system of intentional-poverty. One group is simply motivated by hording more and more...becoming richer and richer. (Just watch Paris Hilton or "The Hills"...it's all about the Benjamin's baby!) Then there is this group of people sooooo fed up with acquisitiveness of society that they willfully give up everything and just become...well...poor homeless people. I see some intrinsic flaws in both of these thoughts that deal specifically with ownership. Let's start with the most blatantly obvious. It's pretty clear if your only motivation is your own personal comfort (ie...upgrading from a 3 bedroom, multi-million condo in luxurious California, to a 5 bedroom, multi-bathroom, extravagant condo in the same luxurious California, just because your daddy has lots of money and you someday want to have kids, even though you are currently a single, party-going whore, with your own sex tape), you might possibly have some issues with excepting responsibility for the current state of the world (especially when you capitalize off the working class of America by doing a tv show about two dumb, little, greedy girls who have never actually worked in their life "working" with people that actually understand that 6am is when people get up for work, not when people go to bed from a night at the Las Vegas club that pays you and gives you a new Ferrari to show up twice a month). Ok. That's the obvious...now on to the other. While the ideal of intentional poverty and forsaking of materials is noble and can work...I also see giant black spot on this. The fact is that there are very few people that truly understand intentional-poverty. Several of the kids that I've run into that practice this way of life still suffer with this. They expect everyone to help them. Give them a meal...let them crash for the night...give them a couple bucks for cigarettes. In the end, they are just as greedy as the rich people...they just don't make tv shows highlighting the contradiction! And that really shows a lack of ownership in wanting to work to make the world better...they just want everyone to give them just enough to survive and end up being a group of people saying "I don't want the responsibility."

The fact is that both of these systems of thought are based upon narcissism. It's all about the individual. It's all about what the individual receives or doesn't receive and how they have somehow defined that they are entitled to certain things. Now there is nothing wrong with being rich or poor...based upon how you view the world outside of you. The fact is that our generation needs to take ownership for making the world better...and you only make the world better through love. And love is not about you. So the simple truth becomes that taking ownership is intrinsically linked to loving the world around us. Seriously. If we are taking ownership in something we are saying that this is valuable to us...and like I talked about last time, intrinsic to holding ourselves in value, is holding the world in value. If we want to see the world radically and powerfully changed for the better...we need to take responsibility and ownership for the crap we've inherited and do something about.

This is our fight.

This is our life.

This is our love.

much love.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:56:37 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305731</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 9 "...hate"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305729</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I hate today. By all accounts today is turning into a royal shitstorm of complete and utter stupidity. I'm just not in a good mood. I hate days like today...and I'm not sure if I hate them because of the nature of depression they bring, or because I can't really explain why I go through them. There is this weird sense of apathy that I encounter on days like today...the kind where I'm ready to go back to bed even though I've just slept for roughly 8 hours. But on days like this one my sense of cynicism is also heightened. I have this innate ability to look at the world around me through much more critical eyes. This is what I saw this morning in the brief 30 minutes I sat a table in a small diner before, resigning myself to the desk I'm now sitting at.

I saw two over-weight, grubby-clothed, rather self-enlightened males sit at a table across from me and wax-eloquent about their "evangelic understanding of Christianity" and how that starkly contrasted this new "emergent Christianity" that apparently is destroying America. (oh god...it's the post-moderns!!!) They also seemed to have a lot to say about recently deceased televangelists and were rather critical of the nature of these peoples' lives. Oh yea, and they apparently only listen to Christian radio, and my assumption is because it somehow relates to being the only radio Jesus listened to! (Because there totally were radios when Jesus was alive!)

Then there are all the wonderful, self-sacrificing, courteous, polite drivers on the road. Right...I wonder what fucking utopia I was thinking of...definitely not this one. I watched as a slightly older gentleman pulled into a parking space right outside the store front of this particular stretch of road. He was driving a much younger Audi of some kind...I would say the type of Audi his teenage son would have wanted to drive. It was a pristine white, and freshly washed and waxed. But it was the vehicle following him that caught my attention. While the driver of the Audi most certainly appeared to come from a rather well-off lifestyle, the driver of the second automobile apparently did not. He was driving a rusty, brown, full-size conversion van. The gentleman driving was that blue-collar, likes football on Sunday afternoon type...you know...full beard, rough features...a man's man! Who apparently also possesses the world's most vicious glare! Seriously, looks could possibly kill if we all had the facial expression this guy had towards the Audi operator. I don't know what happened, but whatever it was, it apparently warranted the universe's most evil, sinister look of vengeance ever known to man!!! I was thoroughly surprised it was not accompanied by vulgar language, and the middle finger...both which would have coincided nicely with the van-driver's wonderful complexion.

It just struck me at how incredibly freak'n hateful everyone is. People get pissed over some of the craziest shit. "my latte is not hot enough"...thanks to the wonderful world of corporate-have-it-your-way coffee. "they cut me off"...cause we all don't drive fast enough already!  "they don't believe in my (G)god"...thanks to modernistic, us-verses-them thought. "they don't accept my sexual orientation (gay or straight)"...thanks to close-mindedness. "those dang kids dress so immodest, them and their piercings, and tattoos, and rock 'n roll and rap music"...I don't know who to blame here...MTV...Teen Magazine...or just ignorant old people who don't remember they all had long hair to fight the system...that is until being drafted to fight in a war, solved the long hair issue. (if you don't know what I'm talking about here with long hair, the likely-hood is that you're too young and didn't pay attention in history class, or whatever the hell they call it in schools now...do they even teach history still???)

But then we have the "legitimate" hate we are seeing in the world...um...hello sectarian violence in Iraq? Or maybe the genocide in Darfur? Any of these ringing a bell? Of course there is always America's own great history with racism and hatred. It is mind-blowing to look on the web and find a church that promotes hatred to the degree of holding signs on street corners that read "AIDS CURES FAGS!" Now gay-agenda don't get too comfortable, you've got your own milita-squad of propaganda-promoting haters. It's just absolutely remarkable to me...until this afternoon when on my lunch break I saw a family walking down the street and I noticed the hat the father was wearing. It was a sports hat. Now I know that talking about sports and equating it to hate will not win me any fans...but it will in the same moment prove my point. (think about it) The fact is that we have been bred to hate. Rivals develop within sports teams to the point of intense abhorrence to the opponents or anyone who supports them. Athletes talk trash about other athletes or coaches...coaches whine about what the administration is or isn't doing...whatever. We watch it all the time. Just the general premise behind athletics...it's all about the conquering and domination of the opponent. Now in the end I think sports are not the evil that I am promoting, but it does lend itself to my point. The fact is that "friendly" competition can fuel into detestation of people. That is true with anything. Not just sports.

But as I was thinking about this whole thing more, I was suddenly finding myself really being confronted with some intense thoughts about our perception of ourselves. My dad once said this to me (at least I think it was him, so he's getting the credit), "The things we hate about others, are the things we hate about ourselves." If that's not a smack to the face, I'm not really sure what is. But let's consider something else real quick. In the Bible there is this account of the Rabbi Jesus being asked what was the greatest commandment a Jew should live by. He said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, but the second to set along side this is love your neighbor as yourself." The first part seems like a very "Jesus" thing to say...even the second part. But here is what is interesting. In the context of when, where and who Jesus was speaking to there was nothing equal to loving God. So for a Rabbi to say something like this was pretty intense. If you look at what Jesus was saying one can deduce that the train of thought is this. Central to life is loving God, and intrinsic to loving God is loving people, and you can't love people if you are not loving yourself.

Hatred isn't actually spawned out of a loathing of others...it is spawned out of a revulsion to ourselves. We don't hate people and others because of what they are. We hate them because of what we're not. A person who absolutely hates homosexuals, could very well be struggling with their own demon of sexuality (think about political figures who obstinately fought to introduce legislation outlawing homosexuality and were suddenly outed) or maybe the fact that they know they are suppose to love everyone and for some reason cannot stomach the truth they don't love everyone. An individual who adamantly seeks to obliterate an entire race or ethnic group is not hating them, but actually in fear. The principles behind Hitler's movement was that the master race could not be tainted. Nazism is simply a movement of fear of no longer being the best. They couldn't stand that thought. The fear is that they would not be able to be superior any longer (and that's assuming they were in the first place). What about religion? Christianity is a great example. How many different dominations consider themselves "Christian"? Coming from Grand Rapids, Michigan...that's like church capital of the freak'n world!!! You could literally drive down the street and see anywhere from 2 to 5 churches. ON THE SAME FREAK'N BLOCK!!!! Aren't Christians all suppose to be following the same God and Jesus??? Here's what is more interesting to me...growing up in the church and watching the complete disapproval of anyone not part of a particular theological thought. If you don't line up, you're for sure not a "true Christian". Do you know why that is? Because the Christians can't seem to get that God is so much bigger than any list of theological theories they can write down...but they all need to pretend that He isn't that big so they have to be absolutely right. No room for discussion. They can't be wrong...so anyone else who doesn't agree with them is likely going to hell.

It's all based in a fear and hatred of self. 

We hate others because we hate ourselves. We can't stand what or who we've become but in an attempt to pass blame (cause that's never been done before) and not deal with it we just focus all that hatred on others. We hate the unlovable because we ourselves do unlovely things. We hate the different because we know we are not all the same. We hate the unknown because our answers no longer work. We hate the pretty because we aren't pretty enough. We hate the ugly because we aren't pretty enough. We hate the rich because we don't possess what they do. We hate the poor because they remind us that we possess too much. We hate the athletic because we don't have their abilities. We hate the disabled because we are confronted with what we can do.

Keep going...you'll see everything and everyone you hate is because of something you hate about yourself.

You want to end hatred?

Stop hating yourself.

You are good enough.
You are smart enough.
You are pretty enough.
You are strong enough.
You are artistic enough.
You are rich (or poor) enough.

...just the way you are.

...so is everyone else.

much love.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:54:45 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305729</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 8 "...mourning"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305728</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Yesterday evening I spent approximately 3 hours with a married couple that I had not had the opportunity to spend time with before. We sat in this tiny coffee shop in downtown Salem, where apparently they spent the entire summer without air conditioning. (...considering that the humidity was also at like 8-bazillion % it was a little warm...in fact I think I might have sweated off about 10 pounds...and all things considered...that was the last thing my body needed.) Through out our conversation the talk of getting together on a consistent basis came up and it was determined that Friday night would work best and probably look a bit like more people, movies, and texas-hold-em poker. (...so exciting) Afterwards, I went for a short walk around the block and upon returning to my starting point, I bumped into some of the "youngsters" hanging around outside this particular coffee shop. It was awesome...standing there listening to the tiny group of us dialogue about music, recovery from our different addictions and brokenness, and just bitch about life in general. But this whole weekend was weighed down by a heavy anchor of sadness. Saturday morning I returned the phone call of a friend who had attempted to reach me a week previous to this phone conversation. I'm not going to lie...I was actually very excited to talk to my friend. This is one of my closest confidants. I've trusted this person with so much of my life. I knew that when I called this person he was going to be out of his home environment in a different state...what I wasn't aware about was why. He proceeded to tell me that someone who was close to the both of us had passed away about 10 days before, and he had just attended the funeral. Now if that wasn't bad enough, this person also passed on some personal news unrelated to the death, that made my heart break...in fact...it has been quite a while since I have spent the majority of a day unable to stop crying. But Saturday was one of those days. And in thinking back to all that happened, the heartbreak was less about the events I was made aware of, and more because I could not be there for my friend.

This person shared with me some of what they had been doing in the past week to cope with all the turmoil of their present life, and I just desperately wanted to be there with him. It was the kind of breaking point where I would have killed for this person. And the simple fact that I couldn't was killing me. Regardless, of the ramifications of this, I would have spent the past week with this friend drinking every night...not because this is the best answer or the way to deal with problems (probably far from it), but because in this moment, this friend didn't need answers...just companionship...just community...just someone to be there for them. And sometimes you need to move through the process of mourning...and that may not be the nicest of journeys. But people are going to do it and sometimes they need someone there. (Now please understand...I am not saying that when ever something bad happens go and get absolutely plastered...in the end it'll just be worse.) I would much rather be the person there, then the person getting the phone call being told that the broken-hearted did something even worse to cope with the hurt.

I've been told that in Jewish culture there is a particular ritual practiced when a person passes away. When a member of your family would die, all of your closest relatives and friends would arrive at your house. They would all come inside and sit down. And then nobody would say anything. They would all sit in silence and wait for someone of the immediate family to speak. This was a symbol of companionship during this time. It was also an acknowledgment that speaking during this moment would make things worse. It strikes me how little our generation practices this type of community. Truly understanding and being there. It's really easy when a friend goes through something difficult to have all sorts of stupid cliché lines ready and available...things like, "everything happens for a reason" or "there is a plan" or if you're a Christian, "don't worry, God is in control." It is a lot more difficult to accept these when you are the person right smack in the middle of the clusterfuck of life. Sometimes a little snippy line just doesn't solve a damn thing...in fact most of the time it doesn't do anything accept make the person more pissed off. (...trust me...been there) Sometimes a person just wants someone else to cry with them. Which leads to an observation.

When you watch a powerful, emotional movie, in the middle of the tension of the story, nobody yells out, "don't worry...it'll be ok...just have faith...everything happens for a purpose." No. Instead we sit there and cry...or get angry...but we most definitely don't sit there and think, "oh it'll work out." (Granted...American cinema will resolve with the fairy tale endings...but in case you missed it, go back and read #7 in this blog series to discover my opinion about fairy tales...hint: IT'S NOT PLEASANT!) So here is my question...why the hell do we relate more to a fictional character's pain in a freak'n movie than our own friends' hurt in real life??? Why can we sit through a 2 hour cry-fest of drama and be like "that was so moving" and then walk out the door and look at someone who's life is falling apart and be like "don't worry, be happy!!!" And maybe that's because American cinema is again to blame...and the worldview before us. There is this assumption that if you just believe hard enough good stuff will happen...in the end it'll all be peaches 'n cream! Slight problem with that...REALITY DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!!! The truth of the matter is that a person doesn't just snap their fingers and "boom" conflict resolved. I hate to disappoint you all, but in real life, people don't get a montage and by the end of the song they have become the ultimate person who can overcome any obstacle. That just doesn't work.

If conflict were as easily resolved as just "believing there is a purpose in everything" we wouldn't have alcoholism, sexual addictions, drug abuse, cutting, gangs, and all the other little nasty habits people develop in an attempt to cope with hurt, despair and brokenness. I mean seriously...what purpose is there when a 55 year-old who is trying to really succeed at life, finally gets his dream job and then 3 days later is found on his futon having suffered a heart attack??? I'm intrigued by how people will so quickly say that there is a purpose, but they can never define or articulate what that purpose is. There is this story in the Bible where one of Jesus' close friends dies. Jesus spends 3 days traveling there and when he gets there he breaks down crying. He mourns...he doesn't just say, "hey, I'm Jesus...I've got it all together...check it out...be like me" Instead he cries...he grieves. And it is only after this that Jesus then says, "it is so that the glory of God may be shown" and then Jesus resurrects his companion. Jesus makes really clear that his purpose is to bring life. But what about the rest of us who can't just mystically bring people back from the dead? What are we suppose to do? It's not like we can shoot Jesus a text-message and be like, "bro...need a miracle irl!" We are left with the reality that this just doesn't happen. A finally observation about this story...Jesus didn't just walk around raising everybody from the dead. There are a select few stories where Jesus displays an amazing expression of love and resurrects a person. But he obviously didn't make this a regular or even frequent practice. So there are a bunch of people who knew that Jesus could raise someone from the dead, and were forced to reconcile the simple fact that he didn't do that for them.

I think that is one of the problems specifically with the worldview before us. They seemed to have really embraced this idea that "someday it will be better" "one day everything will work out." The problem is that most of us don't want someday/somewhere. We want right here/right now! We don't want to wait for a one day event that lies somewhere off in the future. We want to be healed right now...take the pain away now...take the hurt away now. Now there are two flawed thoughts with this and one is attributed to each system of thinking. First of all. The previous worldview does not place enough emphasis on the practice of journeying through the present pain. They are too inclined to sweep everything under the rug of a "great, content life" and going on hoping for that "glory day approaching." Just not a great way of thinking. Here is the problem with our generation's way of thinking. It is so focused on the present, immediate healing that it eventually just starts filling it with a bunch of shallow, lifeless, catalysts that don't solve anything in the end. This is a both/and scenario people. Both systems have very flawed thinking and both have very valid points.

Our generation must embrace the moments of grief and learn that people are going to go through a mourning process that might get ugly. But we must also learn to keep journeying through this. I've not cried for my friend today...and I may not cry for the rest of the week. But someday in the future that pain will come back, and I'll need to cry and find someway of working out this grief. But I will also need to keep moving. Immediate healing only comes through the process of moving. I can only find the purpose of the pain by continuously moving forward on the journey of life. It will be difficult. I will grieve. I will hurt. I will celebrate.

Learn to grieve.

Learn to let others grieve.

much love.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:53:12 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305728</guid>
    </item>
    <item>
      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 7 "...rooftops"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305726</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I think one of the most amazing feelings in the world is being able to crawl out a bedroom window, sit on the top of the roof of your house and watch the city in front of you. I first became aware of this sensation when I lived in a very shady neighbor hood one summer. (...and I mean SHADY!!! This is the same neighbor where four houses down a dude got four gunshot wounds to the chest and was back home from the hospital in two weeks...which means either the guy is super tough or he was shot with an air rifle. Who the heck survives four bullets to the chest plate?  But either way, after that I decided it was better to move back to campus) My room was on the second floor of the house and the wall that was framed the house had two windows which led directly to a small outshoot which was actually the roof for our front patio. There were no screens on these windows (...probably because the house was constructed well before the wheel was even thought of) so access to this rooftop getaway was quite simple. It started because I was not allowed to smoke in the house (...which in retrospect would probably have actually helped the smell inside), I would crawl out there to have a cigarette and found myself beginning to just enjoy sitting out there watching our neighborhood. I would often turn up the stereo or take the guitar out with me and just hang out. My girlfriend at the time would come over and we would occasionally sit out there and talk...and yes it was just talking...trust me...you didn't want to get caught messing around outside in this part of town. But it wasn't until a new house that sitting on rooftops really became a favored pastime of mine.

At the end of college, I moved out of my campus apartment and moved in with a friend and his family. This was one of my close friends and the house was shared with his mom, two younger sisters and another friend who didn't have any place to stay. It was quite weird but at the same time was one of the most amazing experiences to this day. My room was again on the second floor and there were two windows which after removing the screens from the frames (...apparently this house was a bit younger than the previous...but not by much) would provide passage way to my elevated retreat. I loved sitting on that roof. I was no longer smoking so most times I was just sitting. It was a perfect spot to watch the sunset. But there was something that was more special about these experiences. While living at this particular house, I had become very good friends with someone who shared numerous nights with me sitting out there watching the skyline and just talking. This was someone who was very special to me. I remember one night the two of us actually fell asleep out there after spending a significant amount of time talking (...this neighborhood was a bit more private than the preceding neighborhood).

This is really tough for me to write. Not because I currently reside in a ground level room which whose window looks directly into the neighbors' white wooden fence. (...and it's a lovely fence...come over some time and we'll sit and admire it!) I mean, I miss sitting on the rooftops. I would be out on one all the time if I could...rain or shine. But the other day I realized that what made these times so intrinsically important to my life was the people they were shared with. It was the conversations, the kisses, the moments of silence watching the sun depart from the sky as it welcomed the moon to light the night with a pale glow. To be sure, there were great moments of my own personal solitude on these raised man-made vistas...and I actually no longer talk to my now ex-girlfriend, and I'm not sure if I'll ever get the chance to see my close friend again...but in the end it was these people that shared hours upon hours on those rooftops that made it so memorable. And it is also what makes it so difficult. Thinking about these moments reminds me of one really brutal truth. Life keeps moving. The truth is that I appreciate more than ever the times I spent sitting outside my bedroom windows with both of those people. But simply put...those are gone and they are not coming back. In some ways of I've learned to "let go." I've learned to embrace the fact that there are people I've fallen in love with and then broke their hearts. I made promises and broke them...but it's more than that. This isn't just some sort of diatribe against the fury of life that has led me to a state of regret and dismay over lost romantic relationships. This is the painful realization that all communal relationships at any stage are going to end. Even to be as existential as it is to say, in the end everyone dies...so all relationships are going to end. But I'm not quite that depressed right now...close...but not there yet.

What am I trying to say. I'm not really sure actually. Over the last couple of years I've come to the realization that I have dealt with a lot of death...both literal and figurative. Just recently a friend of mine got married. It was one of those "high-school sweetheart" type things...except I think they had just started college when they started dating...but you get the idea. But this bro, was my best friend in California. I use to tell my mom how Jesse would be my best man in my wedding...and this was a mutual feeling. Needless to say...I didn't even make it to the wedding. I did get an invite...but lack of finances and being on the other side of the freak'n country made that trip a bit difficult. It was just weird to get pictures of a wedding that for a long time I thought I would have been a part of. Life keeps moving. Or then there is Parker Tanner. Parker is probably one of the most influential people in my life...considering he is the one who taught me the first two chords I ever knew on the guitar. And since I've been playing guitar for something like 11 years now, it's safe to say those two chords went a long way. (I now know like 3 or 4 chords...which is apparently all you need to write bad music...which mine is.) So I was like 12 years old when I first started my preparation for entry into the vast expanse of musical expression and Parker was to me the epitome of cool. All he played was Fender Stratocaster electric guitars. As far as he was concerned that was the only guitar to play. I remember the first time that I had a "lesson" with Parker. We met in the church auditorium of Grace Church in Desert Hot Springs, California. Also present was another boy, who I always viewed as the "cool kid." And this particular time was no different...he showed up with his cool acoustic guitar and me...well...I had not yet come to possess a fine musical instrument. But it is what happened at the end that has stuck with me. As I was getting ready to leave Parker inquired as to the current status of my instrument. I told him that I didn't have one. He then looked at me and said, "well, why don't you just take this one." I couldn't believe it. This was an American Fender Stratocaster with a black body and a Classic White pickguard and was made with a maple neck. I can still remember the smell from the guitar case when someone would open it and reach down and pull the guitar out.  From that moment on Parker has been the coolest guy to me...ever.

It was about 4 or 5 years ago now. I was walking up the stairs from my bedroom in the basement of my parents' house in Michigan. My dad was at the top of the stairs crying. He proceeded to inform me that he had just received a phone call from a friend in California telling him that Parker had passed away. Parker left behind two awesome boys, a great wife...and one admiring youth he taught to play guitar.

Life does not stop. It sucks horribly. God, it sucks. People are going to move away. They will break up with you. Friends will spread rumors with you. And people who were always there for...well...they are going to die. That is the truth of it. And it is that truth that so many of us keep trying to deny...or just simply like to pretend isn't there. We all know it exists. Seriously, just read some of the bulletins from people on myspace who are using the medium to spread an invective rant towards a former friend who moved them from the number 3 spot on their top friends. Or try playing pool with a friend who just got back into town drunk, because he spent all week at his grandfather's funeral. Or if you're still not convinced, shoot me a message and I'll type up page after page of story after story of people that have died, broke my heart, lied to me and about me, decided to move away, or just stopped calling and then mail it to you. This is the simple harsh truth about life...it ends. And that means that we have to deal with all the above stated. And I don't know how. Seriously. I would give anything to fall asleep on a roof again. I would gladly give away days on my life to spend more time with friends from Grand Rapids. I wish with every part of me I could sit down and play a song with Parker now...and show him how much I have learned and grown...and my sweet Fender Telecaster. But I can't. I'm not going to. And that hurts. But that is the ultimately why "rooftops" are so important.

The truth of the matter is that nothing is going to stop this. And I know better than anyone the hurt that comes along with saying goodbye (...or not getting to say goodbye). But that is actually why events like "rooftops" or playing guitar need to become so much more important to us. We need to learn to cherish those memories. It doesn't take the pain away. The pain is still going to be there...but the pain is actually a reminder of wholeness found in community and friendship. The pain makes us more aware of the good times. So there is actually a two-fold application to this.

Not only do we need to learn to appreciate the past times that have brought us close to people. We need to cherish the moments we are living in now. We need to genuinely slow down and take time to be with each other. Hold dearly to the moments you have with people. Learn to let go of trivial idiosyncrasies and petty quarrels and embrace the enjoyment of being loved and appreciated by friends and family. It's ok to be hurt about times past and people who have gone. But also celebrate the joys of that existence. Sometimes celebrating is crying. Sometimes celebrating is laughing. Ultimately though, the rooftops of our lives become some of the most important moments we will ever share with people.

What are the rooftops in your life?

Don't let them pass you by.

much love.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:51:27 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305726</guid>
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    <item>
      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 6 "...asking for help"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305725</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Can you ask for help? Can you? I don't mean the kind of "hey, I can't open this bottle of jelly for my PB&J...can you?" I mean the "I can't do it anymore...it's just not working...help me" kind of asking. (If by chance you struggle with even the opening the jar thing...I recommend you stop reading this and go seek professional help immediately!) For the most part, I don't really know anybody that likes asking for help. I know people that can, but again that usually refers back to not quite having the physical fortitude to pry open a lid to the strawberry jam. I'm realizing more and more that people don't ask for help. Somebody offers it and then they have a moment of grandiose realization that they are screwed up and thus accept the proposed aid. That raises two interesting observations about the inheritor of said offer. In order for the help to actually work, the individual must first recognize that there is a problem, but then must have the willingness to accept the help. But I don't really want to focus on that. What I want to look at is why it takes someone else having to come and point out our shit.

To be entirely honest. We all know when we are in trouble. Deep down we know something is wrong. We may be able to fake it...maybe even for a very long duration of time. But in the end, most of us are painfully aware when the catalysts have become simply addictions that are no longer helping the problem, but quite obviously enabling it. Example...one night I'm working at a coffee shop (cause I'm cool like that) and my cell phone rings. It is a particular friend who had been going through a particularly difficult experience. I answered the phone and was instantly greeted by the uncontrolled sobs of a person who had most certainly reached their breaking point. We all know that type of cry...the one where it pierces through your emotions and you suddenly find yourself wrapped in the other person's pain...this is the cry I'm listening to. Like myself this person is also at work, but preparing to leave, and they report to me that they are planning on going home, drinking the 5th of Vodka and taking all the pills in the pill bottle. Now, we can't have this. So I spring into super-rescue-friend-operation-do-or-die mode. I have another close trusted friend of mine go and pick up our mutual companion who was in dire need of help. Both of them eventually arrive back at the coffee shop, but not before the caller was able to consume a good part of the alcohol...and drinking on an empty stomach and being a light-weight never mix well with a large consumption of fine Russian liquor. Thank God, we got to this friend before they ingested the medication. What was interesting to me was the attitude and demeanor of my friend now. If you had met them at the bar, you would have thought they were the happiest person ever. Laughing, making jokes at falling over, wanting to hug everybody...all the stereotypical happy-drunk behavior. Totally different from the person I talked to on the phone. This is the conversation that followed.

jaymes. "why did you drink so much tonight?"

friend. "because now i don't remember...i don't remember ****** hurting me. i don't remember any of it!!!"

jaymes. "*****, tomorrow you're not going to remember falling down...you're not going to remember laughing so much...but you are going to remember why you started drinking."

I have never seen one person change emotions so quickly. Suddenly my friend who was content to probably spend the rest of their existence in an eternal state of perpetual drunkenness (as I found myself when intoxicated) became painfully aware that it wasn't going to go away and they needed help. I think this shows that there are two primarily flawed worldviews operating in our generation. The first is the inability to ask for help and the second is the failure to do anything for those of us slowly becoming more trapped in the grasp of addictions and behaviors that are not actually fixing any of our problems. That night it took a dear friend of ours to threaten doing something very damaging to themselves for us to notice that they needed help and didn't know how to ask. Some of us will do anything for a friend and others of us might actually be learning how to ask for help. But here is the issue.

We all know we are screwed up. That's obvious...you didn't have to receive some sort of intense training in psychology or sociology or any other "ology" to realize that our generation is plagued with the inability to acknowledge we need help and the apathy to do nothing about it. But I think that some of this does not rest squarely on the shoulders of this generation. Part of the problem has been that we don't know who to ask for help! If we don't trust or believe in the system before us, we are obviously not going to turn to them for some element of resolution...but we are too angry to be seeing with eyes of clarity who it is we can trust to guide us through this intense battle of finding our identity in a new worldview. Therefore we have begun to inherit the same problem as the generation before us. We are only evolving into a more vicious breed of complacent humanity. Unlike the previous generation, we have become content to simply sit and rot in the filth of our addictions, fully acknowledging their presence in our lives...whereas the generation before attempted to hide the existence of disturbing behavior and coping mechanisms from the public eye. Now, I am a full proponent for living honestly and openly. That being said...we've done a great job about being honest about all the shit in our lives...now we need to be honest about needing help to fix it.

It is hypocritical of a worldview to promote being openly honest about all their problems and hurts and brokenness...and then blatantly deny they have a problem in asking for help in healing all of those problems. Part of this stems from an ideal that we inherited from the previous generation. The "DIY" mentality. Make it on your own...carve your own way. Take care of yourself. Some of this also falls on the shoulders of those of us who have felt betrayed by everything and everyone we once believed trustworthy. If everything we once knew and believed in as true lets us down, the likely hood is that we are going to learn that we need to do it on our own. And many of us live this way. The fact is that humanity was never designed to be a culture that operated on individuality. Individuality is needed, but only in the greater organism of community. If one were to honestly look at our generation they would find that we are more inclined to be united in our movement then we currently are. We are all battling against a system that isn't working anymore, but we are too set in being "individuals" to see that we are fighting the same war. We are too proud to actually acknowledge that we need each other to overcome the issues that have so horribly raped our generation of its possible innocence and beauty. Thinking about this only exacerbates the problem in my life.

I was recently having dinner with some friends when one of them towards the end of our conversation asked me, "do you get depressed a lot?" Now, I've been fully aware of my cycles for quite sometime. But this was the first time that someone who was not really privy to that type of information called me out. When I inquired as to why he would ask me that, he stated that anyone who thinks about what I think about to any degree has to battle depression...no matter how lofty the ideals are. Yesterday I was having a conversation with another friend and this topic came up, and I realized through the dialogue that I was under the impression that I had no one to really open up to about my hurts. I have plenty of people that look to me as some sort of "guide" or whatever...but in the end, my perception of life is that I have no for me to turn to. Whether or not this particular statement is true, is besides the point. The point is if I am going to get better, I'm going to have to actively seek out people I believe are going to protect me and help heal me from my own depression.

But this is why we don't like to ask for help. At its core asking for help is an admission that we are actually unable to make it on our own. It is the acknowledgement that we are not as strong, smart, beautiful, fixed, athletic, ok, great, content, musical, academically inclined, spiritually knowledgeable, socially adept, as we would like to think we are. Here's the thing. It's ok. You don't always have to be so strong. I remember one night a friend came into visit at the coffee shop. I totally admire this person...they have always had a "I don't take shit...I'm super tough attitude" and they are really strong. This one evening they came in, sat down on a stool...I came around and said "what's wrong", and then this person just started crying. The reason they were crying was just because they had to say goodbye to a close friend who was moving away. Someone who is incredibly strong and tough still had a moment where they needed someone to listen or just hug them.

I don't care how tough you claim to be. I don't care how much you say you've endured and so now you can make it through anything. In the end we all need help. You. Me. All of us. And if you're one of those people who says "I just don't care"...we can help you learn to care. If you think this sounds weak and for people who are too feeble to handle life...we can help you see how strong you need to be to ask for help. You can't escape it. Eventually you are either going to break down and let someone help you up...or you break down and die.

much love.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:49:17 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305725</guid>
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    <item>
      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 5 "...fairy tale"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305724</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I am the stereotypical male when it comes to "chick-flicks" or "romantic comedies" or "fairy tale" films. I would much rather sit through two hours of intense vampire gore or zombie mortification than watch two individuals fall hopelessly in love and end up skipping through their lives in a magical utopia of romance that no element mankind may ever dream of could destroy! And there is a very simple reason for this...and no it is not because I'm a boy, therefore reducing my mind to nothing more than a sexual fantasy, meat-pondering, beer-craving, sports-loving, violence-seeking void of fleshly matter. It is actually because I am in reality a hopeless romantic. There I said it...I enjoy romantic movies...deep down in the depths of my heart, I enjoy watching the boy and girl encounter the initial tension of denying their feelings for each other. I blush and feel embarrassed when the lead male, first makes a fool of himself in an attempt to win the affection of his lover. I become jealous watching them gently kiss for the first moment, as the symphony soundtrack climaxes behind them and the planets align...and dear god look at me. I long and crave for these feelings....these experiences. With every part of me I long to loving allow my lips to tenderly meet those of my desire. I crave the nightly encounters of two bodies entangled with each other on a small couch watching the rainfall on the outside ground. I'm yearning for it. And this has made me hate it all in the same moment.

Any of you still reading this, after that incredibly traumatizing look into my pathetic romantic ideals, are probably wondering how the hell this has anything to do with some sort of revolutionary writing about overthrowing a system and embracing humanity, blah, blah, blah. It actually has everything to with it. And if we people would stop and think about it, they would realize how significant this conversation is to our battle. It is simply a matter of perspective and priorities. The reality is that our generation's priority is currently all about apathy. Which means the priority is all about selfish, self-gratifying experience. Which means we all desire the fairy tale. We all want so desperately to be the prince or princess in an epic novel of true love that lives on through the ages and ends happily. Do you really know why everyone really loves fairy tales? Because they are selfish. It is all about self-gratification. And that is appealing to us, because it helps satisfy the selfish nature of our apathy. That is why we are so addicted to shallow love and shallow sex. Because it satisfies our individual desires.

Think about it. In a fairy tale, the characters do not love each other because of unconditional love. They love their significant other because of the way that person makes them feel. They promise to unconditionally love the other, because they have given them freedom, or wings to fly, or whatever stupid cliché line you want to insert into the dialogue. Fairy tales are not about the betterment of the other person. Fairy tales are about getting your own needs met and thus deciding to love in return. And in the end, it is down right self-serving.

But our generation only thinks about serving themselves. So fairy tales are popular. We love "love". We idolize "romance". We rapidly embrace stupid, shallow relationships, because they are meeting the desires we all crave so badly. And not just physical. I mean, it's no lie there are plenty of people who simply fuck for the sake of fucking. But I think the majority of people are really head-over-heels, for being smitten for someone or "in looooovvveee!!!!"

How does any of this apply to what we've been talking about? Simple. IT'S DISTRACTION! It is another way of us fueling our apathy and lack of desire to fight for a better way of life. Because we become so wrapped up in attempting to follow the lines of the romance novel of our lives, we end up completely ignoring the world around us. This is how it works. We are either wrapped up in trying to find our romantic soul mate, lover, boyfriend/girlfriend...OR...we are wrapped up in trying to keep that significant other and making every effort to sustain that same romantic notion of fairy tales! Keep that flame burning! And it's all about us. But if we were to really be honest, fairy tales are really one big lie. Seriously people...it's right there in the name...F.A.R.I.Y. tale!!!! Definition of fairy tale...imaginary...fake...not real...dream. Boil down some of the occurrences in a fairy tale. People live forever. People are suddenly nice to each other all the time. People dance and sing at random and pointless moments. Now...in reality...people don't live forever. People are not just going to magically decide to be nice and happy because your true love suddenly appeared. NOBODY IS GOING TO BREAK INTO A FUCKING CHOREOGRAPHED DANCE AND HARMONIZED TUNE OF GLEEFUL BLISS!!!

The reality is fairy tale love is a farce that is crippling the ability for our generation to think logically and rationally about moving forward to change the world. Be honest. Think about this. When someone is single, they start making all these glorious plans about life and adventure. They begin to formulate ideals about how to actually live intentionally and experience a full and abundant life. Where they want to go, what they want to see, who they want to help, etc. BUT THEN....then comes along that gorgeous, incredible eyes, amazing hair, the-smile-that-just-makes-their-heart-skip, when-they-touch-them-goosebumps-break-out, person, who just makes their world spin. What happens??? 90% of the time those plans get tossed right out the window in front of a moving bus. Now granted new plans are made but for the most part it all revolves around how that person makes you feel. The reality is that a good part of the time, the ideals and convictions we have are sacrificed at the altar of maintaining those romantic feelings. Which is why relationships turn into, as I like to say, relationshits! I was reading a book and the author's very first chapter was about the fascination with romance movies and literature, and how in the real world, he has not met one couple who has a connection like those portrayed in the movies. Think about it. If you were really honest...do you know of anyone that actually really lives in that Neverland of harmonious love? One couple where everything seems to line up, all the doors open at the right time, the right song always comes on the radio, people may actually break into dance and song? I can't think of any. I can honestly say that any couple you point out in my life, I can point out some problem with it.

Now all of this is not to say that romantic relationships do not work. I think they can. I really do. I mean I've watched my parents spend over 25 years together. Same parents and never even a hint of infidelity between the two of them. Talk about an amazing and note-worthy accomplishment. But I don't believe that either of them would say it has been easy. It hasn't just been fairy tales and flowery fields. There have been amazing moments and beautiful, romantic happenings in their marriage and during their courtship (I'm making assumptions on the dating, since I was not even around then...and even if I was, I don't think I would be able to recall it!). But it has not just been that all the time! I think that is one of two keys about why relationships may have a chance at surviving. First of all...we cannot delude ourselves into thinking that when we find someone who makes us happy that everything is just going to be puppies and bubbles! Which actually ties into the next way that a loving relationship may actually work. Remembering that it is not about us! It is about loving the other person...not for anyway that they first initially make us feel. Love is about sacrifice. Love is about servanthood. Love is about giving...not receiving! If that is true, romantic fairy tale love is simply...well...a fairy tale!

Please understand, I'm not trying to knock "being in love" or relationships. I admit there is probably a bit of jealousy in watching two people fall for each other and do all the stupidly-sick romantic things, stupidly-sick romantic people do! But more than that...there is a lot of regret in looking back in my life and realize how many of my relationships were really just selfish. It was all about how I felt...and then maintaining that feeling. Now there are also factors as to why my relationships always seem to fall apart...but I think those revolve around deeper more significant struggles in my heart and soul than romantic love. I think in the end it is ok to be in love. But not for the sake of being in love. Not just because someone makes you giddy and smile. If that were the case you would be falling in love with a lot of people or married when you were still in kindergarten and that cute-little, tiny-tot shared their animal crackers with you!

We need to start falling in love with true love. Love that sacrifices all for the sake of the other...and not to achieve some sort of magical heart-skipping feeling. We need to start embracing that kind of love. And that is hard. I know it is. Trust me. Just ask some of the kids in downtown Grand Rapids about how quickly I would be talking about my new crush of the week! I've been painfully learning that until I can embrace loving people for who they are and not how they make me feel, that I may never actually truly love.

For those of you who are in love. Best of luck!

For those of you searching for true love. May you find it!

For those of you got in wanting to live in a fairytale. Start reading grown-up books...the world is passing you by!

much love.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:47:24 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305724</guid>
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    <item>
      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 4 "...blah"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305722</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Blah. I think the four letters that comprise of this monosyllabic word, best describes our generation. I think on how many times I ask people I know how they are and their response is portrayed in the following phrases..."i don't know" "meh" "alright" "ok" "blah" "fine i guess" "i've had better days...weeks...months...years..." That is our generation. A group of young people that have become so bitter and so apathetic that even our language has now embraced this dialogue of lethargy. We just don't care anymore. We don't know how to express anything anymore. We are too angry to know what or who to yell at so we yell at everything and everyone. We are too heartbroken to even know where to pick up the pieces, so we let our hearts remain shattered. And we are way too fucking lazy to even care anymore about trying to figure it all out. We don't care about anything. If we really did the world would already be starting to turn around. Now I realize that this is a grossly generalized statement, and it does nothing to validate the small handful of young people actually trying to make a change. But in the grand scheme of broad strokes...this is still fairly accurate. We would much rather live our lives in apathy coasting through the rest of existence, content to blame everything on our predecessors.

Now, we're all quite aware of my thoughts on the present dominant era, and some of it's perpetrators...but honestly, there are not very many people in my own train of thought that are doing anything different than the previous generation. We are a bunch of lazy bastards. Just like all those before us. I'll be very clear too...I am the greatest offender of non-positive living. Example. Today I just completed my first day of full-time work as a receptionist for a department of the state of Oregon. One day. And I already don't want to go back. It's not that the job is particularly hard...the environment is not stressful...the people are actually very pleasant to share company with. The simple fact is that I don't like it. It doesn't make me happy. So rather than actually be serious and embrace the fact that I need full-time work to pay for bills, I would much rather be lazy, thus continuing to further my already unfavorable living and financial conditions. Just because I don't like it.

And that seems to be the dominant thought with young people today. I don't like, so I'm just going to ignore it. It doesn't make me happy or feel good, so I'm not going to do anything about it. If a particular idea, environment, person, or place just doesn't appeal to our liking, our personal preference, or actual causes us physical, mental, or emotional discomfort, we simply walk away from it or them. Or our generation focuses on the alternative...I'm just going to direct my attention to what does make me happy. Which generally tends to be...shallow love...more shallow love...drunkenness followed by shallow sex...some more shallow love...write stupid emo song about shallow love, drunkenness and shallow sex...and some how this is just going to fix everything.

The problem is that it doesn't. It doesn't fix anything at all. It just allows the same horrible wretched life that we all want to rebel so strongly against to continue growing into this vile beast that is eventually going to overtake our hearts and souls and turn us into the very thing that we despise. An oppressive, hate-filled, close-minded, empty system of thought and lifestyle. Here is why...if we continue to allow ourselves the luxury of just sitting by and watching the world go to hell in a hand basket...or a McDonald's bag...or a Starbucks coffee cup...or a political party...or a another bottle of beer...or another trip...or another sexual encounter...whatever the method of travel...but if we continue to just to sit on our asses, eventually a new breed of young people is going to rise up and rail against our worldview. And that is going to threaten our personal pleasure and thus we will have to crush it with tyrannical language and actions, hence making us just like the era and worldview we all hate so much. Can you see? Can you see the impending doom that is lurking just around the corner of our short lives? If we don't start giving a damn we are going to be damned.

Do you want to know why something like George Orwell's novel "1984" is actually feasible? It is not because a certain political party or religious movement just decided to take control. It is because the society as a whole refused to care. So somebody cared for them and decided to that their worldview was good enough for everyone. And if you don't agree, prepare to be "vanished". Nobody was willing to actually give a shit, so a particular group of people, who were actually motivated, saw their opportunity and took it. Now this is a bit extreme, but still probable if we continue to live in this la-la land of ignorant, utopian apathy. We either do not care enough to direct our anger and hurt towards positive means of change or we don't care enough to give up our pathetic selfish forms of ignoring the current state of decay.

And we all do it. Like it or not. The issue becomes learning how to channel our hurt and anger and learning how to selflessly release our own personal well-being for the sake of humanity. This is not easy. Trust me. Cause I'm right in the middle of it. And then we have the dilemma of trying to discern when we are sacrificing for humanity's prosperity and when we are just succumbing to the system. There is a fine line between the two and unfortunately it is very blurred. But it still is very clear that the majority of us are willing to sit on the side of apathy. And so I close with this personal example of my life...

I know that I don't like working, I would much rather spend my day sitting in a coffee shop or bar talking to people, drinking beverages, reading books, watching movies...all in all, just enjoying my youthfulness and life. And I wouldn't mind seeing an endless flow of resources needed to enjoy those luxuries. But the reality is this. That lifestyle is not conducive to choices I've made in my life. If I were to allow myself the personal pleasure of living that way, I would greatly offend and actually hurt (emotionally, financially, and even possible physically) people that I care and love, and that care and love me. Some of these people I disagree with greatly in areas of life, but in the end, if I were to simply just ignore the fact that they have sacrificed greatly for me, it would devastate them...and in fact turn me more into the type of person I so strongly rebel against. Which means that tomorrow, I will wake up early, get dressed and go work 8-5 so I can begin to learn some more about life.

The art of balancing rebellion and love is not easy. It is difficult and messy. And if the movement that we all so strongly want to be a part of is unconditional love, we need to learn to lovingly rebel...and that means learning to direct our anger, heal our hurts, leave behind our apathy, and actually start loving.

much love.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:45:28 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305722</guid>
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    <item>
      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 3 "...call to action"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305721</link>
      <description><![CDATA[What the hell are we going doing?

That's about all I have to start this next part. I'm dead serious too. One of the strongest motivators can be despair. It is in the most depressing moments of humanity that we have seen people rise through the debris of life and radically influence humanity to move towards a brighter purpose and meaning. Which is why I posed that question at the start of this writing. I am spending more and more time listening to and reading the works of people who really started to put flesh and blood to this revolution. One essential conviction to them is their work ethic. Ian Mackaye was being interviewed once and openly admitted to how he doesn't remember ever being in a band and not having to work a commonplace job to support himself. Henry Rollins was quoted in a dialogue about how he has no time for people who are not as busy as he is. These are two people who have dedicated their being, their souls and hearts to being a part of something more than what was always carried out by the system. In a separate interview, Ian responded to a question and said that he refuses to read "historical" or "biographical" books about events and times that he and his band were directly influential to...specifically because he does not believe that he is done. These people come from a time that fully recognized the despair...and they ARE trying to do something about it. Our generation has inherited the same despair...the difference is that we've been saturated by a media demon, political agendas, and countless religious movements that have given us plenty of placebos to ingest while we slip further and further into apathy and depression. Our despair has not led to motivation...rather it has led to lassitude.

We are not doing shit to change anything. We are actively living lives of inactivity. We know full well that something is wrong...but we are doing nothing to alter the course of history for the better. We are rapidly altering the course of history, but for the worse! We are learning that life is suppose to be filled with "fabulous houses in the Hamptons" excessive partying, excessive drinking, excessive drug use, excessive sexual activity...all which has led to excessive depression, excessive mutilation of identity and excessive lethargy. We all talk nice and flowery words about change, but the truth of the matter is that we are doing nothing. We all like the ideas of being "aware" about the world around us.

I visited a website today that has a particularly large following of celebrities that all support this specific movement. What is interesting to me is that this website's motive is focused on poverty. It has a bunch of celebrity sponsors...all who live in very lavish houses, apartments or condos, or whatever, they all drive very luxurious cars, they frequent exquisite restaurants and nightclubs, in general they live very profligate lifestyles...while the world they want to change grows poorer and poorer. But I think what is more disturbing is how we as a society have encouraged it! We support it. We watch MTV Cribs, and "The Fabulous Lifestyles Of..." on VH1, we buy what they are wearing, want to drive what they drive, and in the middle of this completely forget that there is a world we "talk" about wanting to change.

Please understand, I'm not just pointing the finger and saying, "you're all so fucking bad!!!" I do it too. What I really hate is how I have encouraged this lifestyle too. We need to change. We desperately need to pull ourselves away from the tv, from the movies, from the music, from the literature that encourages a lifestyle of apathy and embrace the movement of systematic and global change. We need to radically change our lifestyles if we ever want to radically change our world. The real question is are we living what we preach? The real dilemma is that we bitch a lot about wanting to change the world, but then wait until some actor or athlete or musician gets their face put on a website and "OHHHHH! THEN it's a fucking noble cause that warrants our attention!" With all due disrespect...FUCK THAT!

If what we discussed earlier is true, the same despair about life...the same diseases...the same addictions...the same lies all existed way before some celebrities were recruited to say pretty words about all the not-pretty stuff. Why the hell are we waiting for one of them to tell us to do something about it? When are we going to get off our asses take to the streets and demand change? You know why the government sucks so much? Because a bunch of people would rather sit around in a circle and bitch about how they could do a better job, rather than actually try to be a proponent for change! That's why there is no one worth voting for! You know why poverty exists? Because 20% percent of the world consumes 80% of the its resources and that 20% enjoys the luxury too much to give a damn about maybe not hording all of Earth's benefits! Do you know why children around the world are not getting an education? Because we did nothing to stop the production of weapons! Nobody realizes that "less than one per cent of what the world spent every year on weapons was needed to put every child into school by the year 2000 and yet it didn't happen." (Globalissues.org - 3.3.2007 - Poverty Statistics) LESS THAN 1% FOR EVERY CHILD!!!! Jesus Christ people!!! This has been going on since the beginning of time...and if we don't start acting now it's going to keep affecting the world long after we have gone!

It boils down to this...are we willing to sacrifice? Seriously, are we willing to lay aside our personal preferences for the betterment of this world? There are so many different levels to this, but in its simplest form the only question is are WE going to sacrifice...not "hey when somebody starts leading the way...then I'll join in!" That's not fucking good enough. We are used to thinking this way. We are inundated with "have it YOUR way." "obey YOUR thirst." It is all about us receiving...we have not learned. The problem is that if we are moving towards unconditional love, unconditional acceptance, unconditional forgiveness, our preferences must die. I can best illustrate this, by relaying a conversation I once had with a good friend.

My friend and I were partaking in a fine meal of Qudoba Mexican Grill burritos in Grandville, Michigan. At this point, I was dating a girl, with whom I was becoming more convinced was to become my wife (for all you hopeless romantics...the girl has since married someone else...don't get your hopes up for reconciliation romantically!!!) My friend had been married for some time and I wanted him to impart some of his vast martial wisdom upon my young "grass-hopper" heart! I asked him when he knew that his wife was the woman that he wanted to marry. What he said next was not what I was expecting. "I'm so glad you didn't say the one...I'm not sure I believe in the 'the one'...love is about waking up each morning and saying I'm going to put this person's desires, needs and wants before mine." I had never thought about this...and in this instance the debate is not about whether that special someone is wandering the earth waiting for you to show up and sweep them off their feet. The point is about the sacrifice true love obligates. You are not loving unless you are laying aside your self-betterment.

Think of it this way...you know you are loving when it hurts. True love heightens the awareness of all the flaws...it does not sugarcoat the brutal world we live in. If this is true the next question is this...who or what does it hurt to love? Who is that one person more than anything you don't want to serve? See that is what is so revolutionary to the generation before us! Everything was about "make something of YOURSELF" "do whatever YOU can to survive." There was no focus on the care and compassion for others.

It hurts to love this world we live in. Seriously...it is a pain in the ass to walk along the street and pick up the trash someone else left there. It is an intense battle to not just assume the homeless man who asked you for change is just going to buy alcohol. It is difficult to accept that some people may not be of the same sexual orientation that certain people deem "acceptable." It is incredibly traumatic to realize that there are people in this world who are going to lie, betray, abuse and take advantage of you...and yet they are still people. That is why people like Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Gandhi and Jesus are so powerful. In the face of some of the most tangible forms of racism, oppression, poverty, hurting and brokenness, they unconditionally loved and accepted everybody. They all had their own belief systems and convictions, but in the end, nobody else had to agree with them to be worthy of love. Their belief system compelled them to love...compelled them to accept...compelled them to forgive.

Our revolution needs to embrace this. There has been enough hate, exclusion, racism, abuse, religious piety, political propaganda and economic caste systems. Our revolution...what sets us apart is that we no longer see the diversity of humanity as something to be control and systemize, but rather to be celebrated. The beauty of accepting people where they are rather than where they should be must be birthed in our actions. It must be born out of our lives. We must do all that we can to embrace this lifestyle. If we ever hope to see humanity change for the better our art, our music, our words, our literature, our politics, our society, our economics, must move in this direction. There are lots of the old world activists...but there are many more of us who are tired of seeing our world go to hell. Let's get off our asses and actually to something.

much love.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:43:56 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305721</guid>
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      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 2 "...acceptance of one thing is rejection of another"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305720</link>
      <description><![CDATA[We all know what we are rejecting. That is always the easy part. It is very simple...almost intrinsic for a person to be able to articulate their distain or displeasure with something, somewhere or someone. I'm becoming more convinced that somewhere along the way children are given a secret government class on rejection...how to do it and what to say. I know it's not the parents...because they all whine...ironically, like children...when the youngster refuses to eat dinner because they "don't like the color!"...that being said...perhaps we do learn it from our parents! In reality, that is probably closer to the truth than the grown-ups want to admit. But it is very obvious...we are very well versed in the art of rejection. 

It makes sense that we actually learn this impressive expressive action of rejecting from parents and older society in general. We grew up listening to them talk and more appropriately reject the systems before them. If you take time to process the idea, you realize the instruction in the art of rejection rests directly on the generation before us, which received it from the generation before them, who inherited this craft from their predecessors, and the cycle just keeps repeating. Just like the discussion from before...we are the new revolutionaries, the same as the dying era was before us. But that also makes us the new patrons of rejection, again just like the era before us. For a new system to be put into place, an old one must be done away with. To do away with the old system, it has to be rejected. It must be tried, weighed and found wonting. (wonting is spelled correctly...it's a fancy way of saying "lacking"!!! I'm so intellectual!)

I attended a church today, as is my common practice on Sunday mornings. Today there was a guest speaker, who brought the word for the service. He was a vibrant individual...very full of passion for his beliefs and convictions. Quite obviously this particular man cared very much for his family. He was younger, but most definitely falls into the late period of the dying era before our generation. He will be the last of that breed, with the exception of maybe a few young converts. But the fact still remains, that he is bringing up the rear of this old army. This person considers himself an evangelist for the christian movement. And by all definitions of that term, he fits the mold perfectly. In fact, I would go to say that this person is the poster child for the fundamentalist-evangelical movement. He can recite the Romans Road from memory. He is well versed in the evangelical language that is a necessity for saving souls. And is fully convinced that the world's problems are solved by the simple acceptance of Jesus as one's personal savior and as long as you are assured of your eternal destination, you can enjoy life.

While I listened to this evangelical wax-eloquent about salvation I had a sudden thought which is one of the primary arguments for our generation's case. He started to talk about this one particular event that will be occurring in a few weeks. It is a giant largess of an evangelical event, where the gospel will be presented and (direct quote) "we've already seen a 100 people come to know Jesus as their personal savior." This is my thought. If this christian message is so life-changing to humanity...if it is so powerful and so meaningful...why isn't it working? I mean seriously, evangelicals most refined talking points are "how many souls they've saved." If we were to add up the amount of people that have "accepted Jesus as Savior" I think we would be shocked. Simply because the majority is not living like they were saved. And we know this because if all these people were actually living like they were "saved" the world would be a much better place as opposed to the shit-hole it is now.

Now I need to be fair...it's not just the christians that got this one wrong. The whole era before us preached that same message for whatever worldview they promoted. Just blindly accept and believe...we've done all the math, we've got all the answers, we'll never be wrong...so just do what we tell you to.  You did not have to even be spiritual to promote this agenda. It was a viral system of thinking. If all these people were right from the beginning, we wouldn't be finding ourselves revolting and rejecting! We would be able to get behind those messages and embrace them with our heart and souls. But we can't. We know they're wrong...and not even because it didn't work for us...it didn't work for them. We saw the hypocrisy in their words and actions, and deep down we wanted something more. Something honest. Something real. We are rejecting.

But this raises a question...what are we accepting? Whenever you reject something, you are accepting the alternative. If you reject Coke you are accepting Pepsi. If you reject tea you are accepting coffee. Even in our own worldview...we, as the rising revolution reject the conformity of the previous, thus accepting our own entrapment into an ideal. We say there is no such thing as only black and white, consequently making the opposition black and us the white. There is no escaping. There will always be two sides. And that is actually ok. It is expected. We can't be afraid of that. I said this before, there will eventually be a generation that rises up and tears down our caste system of thought and worldview. Here is where we can grow...this is what will separate us from the previous generations and eras...we don't fight it when it comes. (More on this later) But we can't reach that learning process until we have successfully torn down the previous system and rebuilt a new one in its place.

It actually isn't too hard to see why the cycle keeps repeating itself and is never broken. A generation of revolutionaries rises up, begins a battle for the minds, hearts and souls of their peers and eventually at some point they achieve their ultimate goal and overthrow the system before them...whether it is societal, political, spiritual, economic...whatever. But then the question that always rises once the dust has settled and the parades of victory have ended is this..."What now?" "Where do we go from here?" There is no one left to fight. There is no more oppression. There is only one static theme remaining. Survival. Before, when fully engaged in the fury of battle, survival was a necessity for the furtherment of the ideal. Once the victory has been achieved, survival is still the dominant thought. You must preserve your way of life whatever it is. Again, this is to be more deeply explored later. Our generation's dilemma is that we don't know what our way of life is. It has been so fucked by the generations before us that we just simply don't know anymore.

We've inherited such an absolute shitstorm of problems that we are not even sure we can do anything about it. The effects of global warming, the greed-driven, materialistic ideals of mass entertainment culture, the continuation of wars that we really don't know why we are fighting, the perpetration of empty, shallow religious systems that bring nothing but guilt. Where do we even begin to fix the problems? We know we don't want this kind of life so we rebel...but we are so lost in where to go that we are actually just going to end up repeating history. That is unless we can really embrace a society and culture we believe can change the world for the better. That is the first step for us to win this battle. We need to know what we are fighting for. We know full well what we are fighting against. But what are we fighting for? What are we willing to die for? We know what we are dying to...alcoholism, sexual addictions, drug addictions, eating disorders, suicide, materialistic pursuits, racism, religious prejudice, self-mutilation, gang violence, these are the symptoms not of a fully engaged army ready to fight for life, but rather a demoralized, crumbling militia being crushed under the regrouped power of a flawed and faulty system.

So what should we fight for? Unconditionality. Seriously. I know that sounds weird, but it actually makes sense. We need to unconditionally love. Unconditionally pursue peace. Unconditionally pursue acceptance. Unconditional restoration. Which ends up posing a strange juxtaposition. We are using violent terms...revolutionaries, war, battle, rise up...all to describe a movement of nonviolence. A movement of hope. A movement of love. And I think it is unfortunate, but this is the language we are left with for the time. The truth still is that we need to move in a direction towards love and acceptance. When homosexuals and heterosexuals no longer stand on either side of the street with their respected signs and slogans and chants. When an orthodox Jew, a practicing Christian, a convinced Atheist, a devote Muslim can sit together and share stories of life and pleasure. When the lumberjack and the environmentalist can see the value in preserving nature. That is what we need to fight for. I believe that for too long we have lived in the "us and them" mentality. We are all human. We are all flesh made in the same image...made with the same passion...to enjoy life. Why have we so insisted on a caste system, be it political, economic, religious, societal, cultural, that is not embracing the humanity of the whole world?

It is now on our shoulders. Our parents had opened the door...they got it cracked open, but then gave up. It is time for us to radically change the world. We can do it too. I believe we can. This life is more than just living for the death that is eventually coming. It is about being right here in the moment that we are living in...and I would much rather spend as many moments living in a world where the sickness and depression and wickedness is either abolished or at least seeing it's last few breaths! I do not want my children to inherit this existential life. So it is on me...on us...to change it!

much love.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:42:13 -0800</pubDate>
      <guid>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305720</guid>
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      <title>Fueling The Fury - Pt. 1 "...the start"</title>
      <link>http://virb.com/jaymeslombardi/posts/text/305719</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I've been thinking a lot...as is common for someone who should probably be diagnosed as OCD, ADHD, and a numerous other disorders that don't allow my mind to escape for any reasonable amount of time. I'm constantly looking for a deeper meaning in everything. Movies. Television. Literature. Conversation. Artwork. Spirituality. Life in general. I want more. I need to tap into something that offers more fulfillment...more satisfaction...more purpose than what I've been told life is. And I am not alone. There are so many of us that are part of this same search. We are feverishly tearing through our lives, kicking doors open, overturning the system we don't believe works. We are fighting for our lives. The lives we believe are suppose to be more fulfilling than all that we've been spoon-fed thus far. We are sick of life...pointless, shallow, meaningless life. We want more. We are demanding more.

But we must not forget. We are not different from anyone else who was our age once. Everyone has lived through this search. It does not matter who you are, where you come from, what you believe...the search is not exclusionary. It holds no regard to gender, skin color, sexual orientation, religious belief, economic status. It is an aggressive virus that moves flawlessly through the blood stream of humanity. Especially in America, one can trace the revolution of better living from the founding fathers...and as you keep tracing that line it will extend back further and further until you reach the dawn of time. It started at the beginning of time. (Now, this is based upon a particular belief about the conception of human life and their particular interaction with a particular way of life...but regardless of that worldview the simple fact is that if an individual were to honestly look at history they would see the same theme reoccurring...people revolt when the system fails.) There has always been an inherent sense from humanity that life can be more...and when they are told it can't they will eventually rise up and fight for it.

This is most common in a generation of youthfulness. Young people who cannot swallow the big fucking pill of conformity. At least not when somewhere deep in their bones...in the absolute furthest point of their being they know that conformity does not bring liberty. It is youth that are more aware of it. It starts at birth. The violent slap in the face a child feels as their eyes begin to develop and take in something so powerful...color. The sensations of hearing for the first time the commotion of noise as the ears invite in the dialogue around them. The awareness of touch as they are pulled from the womb, bloody, slimy, and noisy, held in the hands of their hosts and introduced to humanity. I mean, seriously people...the greatest most intense pastime of a child is to ask questions. To discover...which leads to more questions...which leads to discovery...which leads to more questions...which leads to more discovery...and it just keeps going. The question "why?" has got to be the most genius form of debate ever. As soon as your opponent places the final period behind their last word, of their last sentence, the single most annoying response is to ask "WHY?" It is because why cannot never be answered with just because...well...it can...but that is not satisfactory. At least generally not to a child. 

UNLESS...
Conformity is demanded. Acceptance is required. The choice to ask why is denied. Which happens all to often. The child is told to just accept that black and white are more colorful than the rainbow. That black and white is enough to paint with. But in this is the explanation to revolution. The arrogance of intolerance, the ego of close-mindedness fuels the fury of angst. Because the powers that be refuse to answer the question. They refuse to listen...and eventually the populace with rise against this oppression. They will link arms stand in the face of adversity and wait to be run down. We have seen it happen...over and over again.

Now an observation about revolution. There are two outcomes. A winning outcome. A losing outcome. I'm not aware of any real neutrality in revolution. You either achieve victory or you find yourself staring defeat right in the face. Both of these take different forms. Some are instantaneous...the victor immediately acquires the power to begin living in whatever worldview they promote. The loser than must yield to this power...conformity...or is subsequently dead. The loser of a revolution is confronted with the reality of their weakness...the flaws...the kinks in their armor which led to their demise.  Other victories take place over long periods of time...often times finding their power in the subversive movement of its followers. The combatants use time as their weapon...slowly but surely promoting propaganda until one day the physical battle is brought to the surface. They buy time allowing the current system to continue failing, until the moment to walk from the shadows arrives and suddenly the streets are filled with people who are fed up with the negativity of a dying breed of thinking or living or just existing.

But there is a cycle here. The winners of a revolution will always find themselves one day looking in the mirror and realizing that they are now the enemy they once fought. It is inevitable. Their system of thinking may not have changed in any principle. The problem is that it no longer works for the rising masses that are beginning to churn like the sea as it prepares to violently strike the land in a tremendous storm of revolt. Any system goes through this cycle. It is going to happen. Seriously. Any system of thought or worldview that once promoted something new or contrary to popular thought eventually found themselves the new target of a new breed of revolutionaries. Any individual can see it in anything. Religion. Politics. Economics. Society. Culture. It is a static variable that is a common thread in all of humanity. Especially youth.

I think this is why the cycle happens though. Youth grow up. They stop asking why. Eventually somewhere along the line the youth are no longer youth. They are scholars. Grown-ups. People who lived through the questions of why, overthrew the system, came out on top, and now want to explain everything for the coming generations. And it works for a time. The pressure of conformity will succeed for any given amount of time...until a moment when suddenly leaders rise up and begin to draw followers. But eventually these leaders and followers get old...and they are then the ones in control and they need to keep control. So they the question why is dangerous...and it can't be asked. Because eventually you can't explain the answer...and the only natural response of the inquirer is this..."WHY??? I thought you had the answers! Why can't your system answer the question???" 

To be entirely honest, my generation is revolting. More than ever before. You see it in everything. There are powers attempting to keep control...to enforce conformity. But the walls are cracking. The consistent pounding of fists against the bricks, may have drawn blood and broken knuckles and hands...but eventually this fortress of oppression and conformity is going to crumble and standing on the rubble will be a new generation of warriors...of revolutionaries. When the dust settles the old system will be done away with and a new one will need to be established. And that is the point of this new writing series..."Fueling The Fury." It is an exploration into the minds and hearts and souls and lives of a generation of people who are sick and tired of conformity and oppression and the effects this revolution on our opponents and our allies and comrades.

This is going to question whether we are winning or losing...what happens if we win...what happens if we lose...where do we go when the revolution is finished...what do we do when the dust has settled...are we going to die and another generation has to take our place at the wall and keep hitting...are we fighting for something worth dying for...are we willing to die for it...why are we even revolting. Now some answers may be easier to answer than others. Other times there may not be an answer...and then we need to remember with each new answer to ask this question..."Why?"

We are fighting...like it or not. It is long past due for us to know why we are fighting and what we are fighting for.

much love.]]></description>
      <pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:40:51 -0800</pubDate>
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