I went into my kitchen today and opened the freezer. I was looking for ice cream. In the door, along with the personal-sized tub of strawberry ice cream, were two packages of hot dog weenies and a package of bologna.

The only times I eat hot dogs are at cookouts and baseball games. The only way I will ever eat bologna is fried, and that particular, and somewhat embarrassing, craving is one that hits me rarely. Perhaps once or twice a year. So, why do I have these in my freezer, along with the other package of bologna sitting in the fridge? Because Piggly Wiggly was having a sale; $.99 for bologna and the same for the weenies. So, I bought two packs of each and put them up in the freezer for later. And it was not until today I realized the reality of what I had done and why, and how it meant I was turning into my mother.

For the very first time in my life I have to live on a budget. It strikes me as pathetic to have made it to 31 without learning this skill firsthand, but there it is. The apartment me and my sister shared was relatively inexpensive and we split everything right down the middle. Which meant I did not have to watch my money that closely.

If I was in Target and I saw a DVD I wanted, I bought it. If I was in Old Navy or Gap and saw a shirt and a pair of pants that I wanted, I bought them. If I was in Barnes & Noble and I saw a book or a Moleskine that I wanted, just pop out that debit card and don't give it a second thought. In the grocery store and have a sudden craving for cake or some other treat? Buy some, and if I don't eat it all, just chunk the rest.

This is, of course, not the healthiest way to live, financially speaking. I am fortunate to work at a company with a credit union which I can divert a portion of my paycheck each week into a savings account, before I even the see the money. So, I suppose that I am glad, on some level, I have this new opportunity to learn about frugality and the horror of waste.

My new place is cheaper than my old apartment, and I have fewer monthly bills (no landline, no water bill, no gas bill, cheaper cable and power), but I am now paying them on my own. Added up, the amount I will likely be paying out each month comes perilously close to being the actual amount that I earn in a month.

Most people live this way, I am sure of it. There is a reason the phrase "I've got month left over at the end of my money" and other phrases like it are in popular usage. But for me, it's like walking into a party everyone has been at for a while and marveling at the decorations, the crystal punch bowl, the little transient knots of conversing people, and how beautiful the hostess looks in her little black dress. Everyone else has noticed and experienced these things and moved on, getting into the rhythm and flow of the party, but I still have yet to go over, get a few drinks in me, and find a group of interesting people whose conversation I can crash.

Okay, maybe that metaphor is a little thin. But the basic idea is sound: everyone else seems to have gotten this already, everyone but me.

When I saw those packages of weenies and bologna in the freezer today, two things suddenly occurred to me. First, this was something my mom would do, see and ad for some cheap food she knew she could prepare easily, buy a few packs and put it in the freezer for later. The second was that it was something that, prior to going on a budget, I would have never done.

Were I a younger man, the realization I was turning into one of my parents would have been more terrifying. Now, at 31, it only has the power to produce a kind of sad bemusement about the inevitabilities of life. So seeing those little tubes and platters of processed meat and knowing it was something "Joanna"-like only tweaked me a bit. But enough to stop me for a second.

It was one of those seconds where you suddenly see stretched out before you an endless road of days, all alike. In that second I saw myself opening a freezer with bologna and hot dogs in it at 40, and 50, and beyond. Seeing myself eventually beginning to buy the Sunday paper, not for the crossword or the funnies, but for the sales fliers and coupons. Seeing myself become one of those people who have their wallet and its limitations at the forefront of their minds.

The second passed. I took out the little tub of ice cream and closed the freezer. I told my sister about it later. She said, "You realize you're turning into our mother, right?" She told me she would be sure to tell mom, in the hope that our mother will begin to call me saying things like, "Winn Dixie is having a really good sale on ground beef, hon. You could get some and make Hamburger Helper. Do you have any Hamburger Helper?" I laughed; it was funny.

Hopefully, it will continue to be.

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