Tuesday is girls night. We go to a new bar every week- or at least start at a new bar every week. We began at a jazz club downtown, the Phoenix. Music was excellent, atmosphere was so-so. I'll probably never go back, but I'm glad I went. I need to venture more. So even though we were adventurous for traveling downtown we ended up at Harpo's for quarter draws... never a good idea. We had lost a few ladies on the way so it was just three of us... the perfect number for some serious gut-spilling. I, obviously, would never bring it up but we began talking about past relationship (go figure, girly, I know). I stand by the claim that I have the best pity story, which I tell with appropriate "fuck off" nonchalance. Irrelevant... so someone brings up the age old question, "so what's your number?" F that! well, when I'm not drinking.... So I listen to the two of them tell their stories. One of a puritan and one of a whore. I managed to change the subject before revealing my own but now I'm thinking- who really even cares? Does it matter how many people I've slept with? Does that make me a better or worse person? Am I required to submit my "number" to anyone who asks? even if I plan on sleeping with them? I mean, it's always going to be embarrassing unless the two of you have the same number (within a 2 point margin). If my number is low, does that mean I'm unexperienced, naive and boring? If it's high am I unworthy of a serious relationship? If you need to ask anything, shouldn't you be asking if I get tested regularly? Someone who's slept with 3 people could be just as dirty as someone who's slept with 15! Just depends who you choose to sleep with. Shouldn't you ask how good someone is in bed? Just to make sure it's worth upping your number. Can you ask to see the goods beforehand? Why waste? (but seriously, size doesn't matter....)
Am I contemplating because I'm ashamed? guilty? pathetic? embarrassed? Eh, who knows. All I know is I'm not telling. And that doesn't make me a bad person.