Last year for Christmas, a friend of mine bought me a gift eHarmony account. Before this, the only thing I knew about eHarmony were those commercials. Those people look like hired models and I'm sure the fine-print reads "Actual results may vary." I'm probably just a cynic.

The entire ordeal was ridiculous - forty million personality questions later and I got the screen saying I was part of the population of people that could not be sufficiently matched by their system of trained monkeys. At my friend's insistance and against eHarmony's recommendation, I retook it and got the same result (what a surprise). Again, my friend made me take it a third time. I realized I wouldn't be let off the hook on this until I stopped failing the eHarmony test - so I changed enough of my answers until I passed (I knew all that LSAT training would come in handy!). Three hours of my life wasted.

My friend hung over my shoulder until I filled out my profile, uploaded my picture, blah blah, and I let her proofread everything I wrote until she was satisfied. Then when she was out of sight, I changed everything. I went from Computer Programmer/Analyst to a pimp in the new and flourishing hamster market. I was no longer a college graduate. My favorite movie became Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. On weekends, I held Star Trek marathons for my nearest and dearest friends. The original series only. Captain Kirk could kick the ass of that Quantum Leap captain guy in a cage match to the death. And my favorite color was #26466D, for those in the know.

After I saw the price of an annual subscription to eHarmony, I felt that sinking feeling in my stomach. Those things are expensive, even for a hamster pimp like me.

I didn't think much about it the past year. I got occasional emails from the website: "Connect with Jennifer!" or "Meet Satan and make 2008 and year to remember!" (even though I could have sworn I had already dated Satan). This Christmas, she renewed the subscription. She spent her hard-earned money in a futile attempt to get me dating again. It was simultenously ridiculous, hysterical, and a bit sad. I told her to get her refund but she was adamant. Sighing a deep sigh, I thanked her for it and went on with my day. Sometimes, you have to know which battles you can win and I wasn't going to win this one.

I'm not exactly sure what it is with people. These days, there seems to be such a stigma being placed on being single. So much, that I have one friend trying to get me to go speed-dating, two others that are trying to get me to date their cousins.

And let me tell you right now: eHarmony and speed-dating won't work. I don't think I can be encapsulated in a 500-word description or a five minute conversation. I'm about as photogenic as a huge pink one-legged spider hobbling around. I'm awkward when I meet people for the first time. When Mom, Siu and I went out to lunch right before Mom went to Hong Kong, Siu told the story of how Siu and I weren't even friends for about a year after we knew each other. Mom responded by telling her that it takes me a while to warm up to people, but once they get my trust, I'm intensely loyal. Every girl I've ever dated I was friends with prior. It's just the way I operate - I don't pick up girls at bars or clubs. I think that's a bit strange - anyone that I would even be remotely interested in wouldn't be in bars or clubs waiting for me.

I'm okay with letting things happen the way things are meant to happen. I don't believe in destiny, love at first sight, or any other clich