I am on a journey toward wholeness.
Sometimes this journey is a lonely one.
I am learning how to rejoice in the loneliness.

Death is so very awkward. I never really noticed before. My Grandpa died on Sunday. The silences between my family and I are deafening. I hadn't realized how far apart we had grown. It feels like we are strangers, and due to the tragic circumstances we are not even able to fall back on our traditional ways of communication. We have to forge new ones through the awkwardness. I am not sad about our distance, I accept it as part of our journey. I am not sad for my Grandpa, he was sick. I am sad for my father, because I don't think he understands.

In order to attend the funeral I had to take a leave of absence from school. This means that for the next 14 days I am FREE. I needed a break so badly, however, I was not allowing myself to have one. I guess God gives us what we need no matter what we have decided. I am thinking about taking a little trip... where shall I go? Would you like to come with me? Or do I need to do this alone?

I realized that I am an extremely polar person. I can't decide if this is good or bad but I do know that it is exhausting. On one hand, I would love to be steady, to rest in stability, but if my lows weren't so low, would my highs be as high? Maybe my polarity shows a deep ability to feel... I like to think so.

I think that one of the most satisfying things on earth is a really good Harry Potter tie in. When I am able to perfectly relate a real life situation to an adventure of Harry, Ron or Hermione I feel a deep sense of gratification. Nerd alert, I know.

I have a new vice... it's called "Scratch-Off Bingo Tickets." Yikes. It all started when I bought one and won some money! I keep winning too! My new thing is watching Lifetime movies and scratching off Bingo tickets. I know, I know... I am like an 80 year old. Britty and I decided that we are actually going to start going down to the VFW Hall to play Bingo with the old people... can't wait!

Sometimes it is really hard to honor people. I am getting better at it, but it continues to be a fight. Everyone has the innate value that comes from being a child of God and valuable people shouldn't have bad things to say about other valuable people.

A couple final thoughts...
-The timing is always perfect.
-Lot's of people have said lots of nice things to me lately.
-I have the best friends in the whole wide world. Honest.