I couldn't feel my feet. I suppose that wasn't a good sign, but I didn't really care. I knew why they were numb in any case. I suppose that happens when standing barefoot, in the water, in the middle of the winter.

I don't know why I'm here. I know the obvious part: I got in my car and drove, directionless for hours and hours. And a while ago I finally stopped. I pulled off the road and noticed the lake, or river, or really just a big body of water in the middle of nowhere with no name that I had seen or that I could remember, but at this point I wasn't sure of the difference anyways. Not that it matters.

It doesn't even matter that I had a stack of newspapers in my trunk that I had never gotten around to recycling, except that I needed those papers to make the fleet of boats that I set sail on the water. And that really only matters to the person who finds my newspaper fleet if they decide to find me.

In any case, that's why my feet are numb. I needed to sail my paper fleet, and to do that I needed to push them out in the water. They didn't go anywhere when I put them out from the shore, so I had to take my shoes off and wade in, and, really, it is a shame I didn't roll up my jean legs, because soggy, wet clothing is going to be miserable later.

I gave those tiny crafts names as I launched them out into the open water: names like LouLou, and Sarah, and Bri, and Kay. I guess I named the boats after those I loved and who, now, aren't with me any more... Okay, I'm a sap. If I were aiming for some type of therapeutic breakthrough, I would have uttered a personal regret or a tearful good bye to the christened boats as they sailed away, perhaps even named one for some part of me I was leaving tonight, but I'm not into that sort of thing, so I just stood in the water and watched them drift out of my sight.

And now my feet are numb, and I still don't know why I'm here. I'm supposed to be the strong one, now. I promised I would be strong for them... all of them. I have to be strong, I can't do much else.

My feet were so cold at first. Then they started to burn, but I wanted to prove I was brave and fierce, so I stayed in the water. And now they're numb. And I'm still here, and I'm still sick, and I guess that's all there is. It's time to move out with the ships... onto calmer waters.

If I ever get out of the water, maybe I'll make some more, and I'll give this second fleet names as well, something symbolic and poetic. Pathetic? I know. But pathetic I can do when strong seems too impossible. Maybe not... I don't know.