VIRB

June 20th

Hi Lawrence,

It's been a while has it not? Well, maybe, but it's certainly not out of character for us to lose touch for 6 months to a year, only to suddenly pick up our relationship as if we were hanging out at your cozy apartment the night before once a simple email or phone call is made. Funny, but I guess that's how some dynamics survive.

Beth, my cat, is doing fine. The pills I got her have worked and she's back to her old self again. And thank God. I don't know what I'd do without her. I know, I know, that cat is not a replacement for human contact, you've told me many a time, but still. We spend most evenings in my den (don't laugh at me calling it a den, but I turned that little empty laundry room into a little nook that I can relax in. It has a nice comfy chair, soft glow lamp, and even a tiny stereo to play my Coltrane Cd's on). When I'm feeling adventurous I take Beth out with me and we walk the trails that stretch erratically through the woods at the end of my dead end street. You know what's funny? When I was a child I was fascinated by dead end roads. I'm not sure what the allure was. Maybe it was just the label - a dead end - I mean, what are roads but wide paths that lead places? Given that definition, I guess I was confused when I realized there were roads that lead nowhere. When I would get bored while visiting my Aunt Victoria's house my Mother would say, "Take a walk down to the dead end" and I would always go. When I would get there I would just stop and stare at the end of the pavement, at the way it stopped and the gravel began. I'm still not sure why. But I love those trails. I'm sure in time I'll get bored with them when I get to know every bump and twig on the paths but for now they seem so, I don't know, so random. In fear of this inevitable boredom I try not to walk them too much. It's also an excuse to stay inside more as well.

I still love the rain, but I appreciate the sun more. I still keep every stub from every movie I see. But really, I haven't seen a good picture in a while save for Duane Bedford's new thriller "Clocks". I swear, it took me two weeks to get a full night's sleep after seeing it. But even though most of films they show here are pure waste I still go, for the routine of it if nothing else.

I just read over what I have written so far and, wow, it seems so dismal! I'm actually doing quite well and am quite happy with the way things are now, despite the tone of my typing.

So how are things with you? Have you finished your compilation? I hope so. I've looked forward to it for years. I hope you have not had any more moments of frustration the way you did in Montreal. You seemed so beaten down. You frightened me. I'm not good in those situations (what a selfish way to think!) but my gut told me to speak to you honestly and I did. I meant every word I said that cloudy day. I must have talked for an hour and a half straight, but I told myself to talk until you stopped me. There were moments I wondered if you were even listening. But you were. When we hugged and departed that evening I felt like everything around me was covered in glue. But I also wondered if that was my own brain's way of comforting me and telling me not to think about your state of mind as you walked home alone. I ran into Lyle about a month after that and he said you were doing well and were back at your short stories. I told him that was good to hear but I was doing all I could to not throw my arms around him and thank him for such glorious news. To be truthful, an hour did not go by within that month that I didn't wonder about you. But I couldn't bring myself to call you. I hope you weren't hurt by my lack of effort in contacting you. But once again I was listening to my gut. I mean really, what else do I have to go on?

I should cut this off now before it becomes simply a recounting of terrible times we've shared (and we have shared a few have we not?) I'm writing simply to tell you I'm doing well and I was hoping you were too. Feel free to get back to me in any manner. Good luck with your compilation and remember to save a copy for me. And no I will not embarrass you by asking you to sign it (only if you want to! Ha!). Give Catherine my love and tell her I have a new tea set just waiting to be filled with green and black spice brews!

All my love and respect,
Mindy

P.S. I found the photograph of us and the gang from the village. It's hanging on the wall directly in front of me as I type this. You look so stern yet graceful in that brown jacket you were wearing. I can't look at it without smiling.

M.