Romans 7:15-20 ~ "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me."

I hate the way I act.
There's something in the Bible that says something along the lines of "nothing is hidden that is in the light" or "the light exposes what is in the darkness". Something like that. I feel like the light is just pooring into my life (and really, that's wonderful) and along with it, I get to see who I really am - ugly. I see why Christ's death was so necessary, and I am amazed.
There are things in me I seem to not be able to control. The things I say, the things I do, the attitudes I have, the way I treat others, etc. I believe I am a lot farther along than I used to be, but the sin I can see is far mor blatant now. And i am nowhere near the person I wish I was.

Relationships are so important to me, and at the same time I take them for granted.
I get overzealous to meet new people, and cultivate new friendships. While at the same time, I do not foster the friendships that are established. I sometimes find myself embarrassed by the people who should be most valuable to me. I fall all over myself trying to impress the people I don't know. I wonder if other people can see that 90% of the time, I am the most important person in my universe. The person in me who acts out, and the person in me who observes are different. I hate hate hate that I do these things.

Then what I WANT is absolutely the polar oposite.
I want to be the person who doesn't care about attention. I want to be the person who doesn't care if her good deeds go unnoticed. I want to love and glorify God with my life. I want to love everyone impartially and with everything. I want to not waste. I want to not care if people smell bad because I do care about who they are, whoever they are.

I wish I were the difference that I want to see.

Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.