after i asked if you
ever enjoyed sex and you said
"well, certainly not the first
who barged in from the cold and
called me even colder"

and no more was to come
from the car home
from your hospital work

i had a dream we took
a crowded train into the city
we sat apart but so
you could watch a man
more grown than i
try to take me

i handled him away and
with different places to go
i went to find people
i didn't know anymore
you went to find work

and after i settled with
a past that didn't exist
i walked away from where they lived
clutching the sack full of lunch you made me

we rounded a corner from different ends
that reminded me of 21st and Chicago Road
and a lot with that dirt patch where your son

pretended to find the money
from your house cleaning
that you kept
in the envelop
in the dresser
you carried up the stairs
when it was clear
your newborn's father wasn't
coming back from mexico

there was a woman
you and i saw
somewhat like you
crying in the shallow grass

you crouched down to her the way i imagined
the bottoms of stoves and toilets taught you

i was walking by
with the juice packed
to my lips
as you looked to me

i thought to myself
if you could have
found her earlier
like your honeycomb
five men's wounds wouldn't exist
and neither would i

so i gave you my seldom smile and walked awake