After nearly 10 years since its creation, I’ve finally accepted what is will be and released my album Puddles free on the web:

mr_mark_dollin – Puddles

Personally, I find it somewhat hard to avoid cringing when listening to these songs, perhaps in some places more than others. It’s like looking at a reflection of yourself when you’re 18 and all you can see are the faults. That personal cringe factor has prevented me from putting this music out there, keeping it filed in the ‘embarrassing journey-man years’ category. It’s a drama of me awkwardly finding my own creative voice against the odds of immaturity, lo-fi equipment, and being just a little too under the influence of other popular music at the time. I haven’t really been able to share this music without being apologetic for it, and even now despite it being from an entirely different phase of my life I still feel awkwardly responsible for it. Still, you can’t pre-judge your own work on behalf of an audience – it’s up to them to like it or not for themselves. So it’s time to set it free, and to move on.

To explain what this album is all about I have to go back to where it all began – 1996 was the year I started to write music on Fast Tracker II and a lot of that music was written with or alongside Warwick Newell, a good musical buddy from high school. Warwick and I learned a lot of our early studio and composing chops emulating electronic dance music that was exploding and mutating throughout the 90s. I think deep down it was initially my hope that Warwick and I would be a dual producer act much like Itch-e and Sratch-e or maybe even like the Chemical Brothers. Our act name was ‘Audiophonica’, although that meant squat to anyone else in suburban Taree – just two more computer dorks who loved techno. Life as a tennage student and life in general doesn’t favor these sorts of ambitions and despite a few projects we finished most of the time we had false starts. Upon leaving my hometown going to University I was stuck on my own and not too sure what to do with all these ideas. Eventually (I’m always slow with these realisations) I knew I had to do a solo album and put together something that best showcased all the different styles I liked to do and something the really flowed well as a long-play listen. It was my half of Audiophonica,  but striving to be better.

Part of the naivety of this album is that a lot of my musical influences were worn on my sleeve, loud and proud – that’s generally something you try to avoid as a composer with a more mature intention. So as a result, a lot of this music seems oddly dated or like bad photocopies of not-so-strong popular musical ideas. Genre wise its a mix of techno, trance, breaks, metal, ambient, pop, industrial, indie rock and prog, and it has it’s fair share of 90s style genre-hopping within the one song. The vocals don’t have confidence, and often I awkwardly took on voices other than my own due to not even knowing what my own voice was or how to use it. Sometimes I think I’d like to re-do it all, but I’d change the songs so much they wouldn’t resemble the originals any more. Again, it’s better to just leave these as they are, representative of that time and who I was. It was a much darker time for me as a person, and all that aggression, sadness and weirdness went straight into the music. If it sounds awkward, it is because I was awkward.

Technically speaking the odds were stacked against me in terms of trying to pull off an ambitious sounding sonic presentation with very limited equipment and skill. The bulk of the work was made on a primitive bit of DOS software called Fast Tracker II or FT2. With a stereo field of about 80%, zero sample interpolation, 16bit processing, 32 channels of mono-polyphony, and no modern bells and whistles like DSP processing or recording synchronization – FT2 was the beastly lo-fi software used to make all these songs happen. To get anything more fancy beyond panning and volume settings there was tracker-esq trickery going (pattern effect commands) but a lot of effecting was done with sample pre-production: pre-rendering down effects like reverb, filtering and other treatments. The lack of recording sync made the vocal tracking a nightmare. I had to guess the relative pitch and timing, recording blind to silence hoping that the take would match up to the song. I think I even dropped some backing track parts to cassette just to get a sense of what I was doing. On a student budget I could only afford a very basic $30 desk-stand small diaphragm condenser microphone plugged straight into cheap as chips soundcard. My monitors were either low end Philips headphones, or these no-name ‘multi-media’ speakers that came with a lot of computers in the 90s. Talk about low fidelity! It’s a miracle that any of this music sounds even half decent. But somehow, if you listen past all the sludgy bass, noise and general mix shambles – these songs still hold together as music to be enjoyed. Just turn your volume down a little in case you’re sent deaf or your speakers blow up.

So all apologies aside, I hope you enjoy Puddles, or at least find it as an interesting primitative precursor to where I am now. Maybe I got it right in the first place – I still get people saying their favourite songs are off this album, or of even earlier work. Ah, what can you do? Put it out there!