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Baby bunny, baby honey.
Baby honey crying in your crib tonight.
Don't you know that your dad's on call
and your mom's way too tall to bend down?
That's what you get for having model, role model parents.
They give you the cheek bones,
but they keep the love to themselves,
all the hugs to themselves, they do.

[Chorus]
I was born stupid like all the babies
But I didn't let that end the conversation.

Back when coitus wasn't even invented
and knocking was just for doors.
Your mom popped out of your daddy's rib.
God said, "Get back; go back. You're too curvy, too wordy, and way too pervy", but your mom said, "I'm here. I'm queer. Come in this gourd. Give me something to work with."

[Chorus]

Your mom called me up and asked if I babysit.
I said not for little brats, like you and your sister.
"There ain't no way I'm coming over for less than $7.50, Mama.
You better put out, put off that blank check.
The one with the dolphins swimming."

[Chorus]
I moved into higher education.
I was an Ivy League baby.

You found out the hard way that you had a brother in Oklahoma.
He saw you in the tire ad and thought,
"That girl's got the same cheek bones. She might be the one that that rich family adopted. I'm going to sue her for the life she stole from me by being the firstborn."

[Chorus]
I was the baby in the back of your lecture hall.
I wiped my ass with your diploma.