JanuaryJan 9 Friday 09
GAY-THAM FOR STATHAM
Jason Statham has never been in a great movie.He's also never been in a boring one.Statham's imdb.com profile, collectively, is a promise to you, the weary filmgoer. It's a promise that says, "I pro...
JanuaryJan 5 Monday 09
GAY-THAM FOR STATHAM
Jason Statham has never been in a great movie.He's also never been in a boring one.Statham's imdb.com profile, collectively, is a promise to you, the weary filmgoer. It's a promise that says, "I pro...
DecemberDec 17 Wednesday 08
THE "IS THIS HAPPENING?" MOVIE CLUB
There's a floating, secret society of movies that includes such illustrious titles as RUNNING SCARED (the Paul Walker version, not the Hines-Crystal-Smits one), ANACONDA, and the immortal, why-hasn't-...
NovemberNov 15 Saturday 08
A HYPOTHETICAL
Let's say, just as a thought experiment, someone were staying a week in Brooklyn. Maybe, I don't know, 4th Avenue, between 5th and 3rd street. Where would said person get new comic books on Wednesd...
NovemberNov 10 Monday 08
A BLOG DEFEATS A BOOK or, GOOD-BYE FOR NOW
I signed a book deal this week. I owe it to the publishers in nine months.I've always wanted to write a book. I read voraciously. Like, all the time. Maybe not as much as Brother Mouzone or H...
NovemberNov 5 Wednesday 08
TAKE MY HAND
All of you. Even the ones who hate me. I know we fight a lot in the Comments section, but I wake up every morning and I can't wait to read what you've written. It's a more vivid, pulsing world fo...
NovemberNov 2 Sunday 08
THE MOMENT McCAIN LOST and CRYSTAL COMICS
1. The Moment McCain LostIf you want longer, more pop-psychological bullshit musings on John McCain, drop by my website -- www.pattonoswalt.com, to read the much-linked-to 'AND YOU WILL BE FASCINAT...
NovemberNov 1 Saturday 08
HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYONE!
My good friend, the genius that is Matthew Bernier (why not visit him at www.matthew-bernier.com?) made me a Halloween card:Have fun, everyone!...
OctoberOct 26 Sunday 08
MY 2008 HALLOWEEN CARD
Help out my friends. This is the illustration on my 2008 Halloween card, courtesy of the genius that is Corrie Erickson:They're all characters from some of my favorite horror movies. A lot of my ...
OctoberOct 23 Thursday 08
FEAR OF A CHOCOLATE MAN
The good people at Axe Body Spray have introduced a new product. Finally, men can buy a bottle of liquid that, when sprayed on their bodies, makes them smell like chocolate.I can't think of anything...
OctoberOct 1 Wednesday 08
LET'S ALL NOT BE MEAN TO SARAH PALIN!
I've been saying bad things about Sarah Palin before right now in the past ago. But that's only because I thought she was an unqualified, passive-aggressive, hypocritical cunt.However, I was hit over...
SeptemberSep 15 Monday 08
DIE HARD: DELETED SCENE
INT. - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAYHANS GRUBER, German criminal mastermind, meets with a crew of international, professional thieves. HANS GRUBERThank you all for ...
SeptemberSep 6 Saturday 08
BECOME AN EXCELLENT COMEDIAN IN JUST ONE HOUR
This Saturday, at 10pm, Comedy Central is showing Brian Regan's new, one-hour special, BRIAN EGAN: THE EPITOME OF HYPERBOLE.Sometimes wanna-be comedians send me sloppy, typo-filled MySpace messages, s...
AugustAug 29 Friday 08
DAVID BROOKS AM FUNNY
An excerpt from David Brook's op-ed in this morning's NY Times, mocking Obama's speech: "One path before us leads to the past, and the extinction of the human race. The other path leads to the future...
AugustAug 24 Sunday 08
JESUS IS A COMMENTER
I cleaned my basement today so, naturally, I thought about Jesus. You read about the guy, and it seems like all he ever did was mingle with the assholes of his time. The weird, outcast, ill-spoken...
JulyJul 10 Thursday 08
THE DARK NOUGHT
I went to buy comics this morning and was told they weren't out 'til tomorrow. There's a one-day delay because of the 4th of July, last week.Later, I drove from Burbank down to the The Bridge, south...
MayMay 30 Friday 08
HAVE I EVER STEERED YOU WRONG?
Is "steered" even grammatically correct? THE WIRE. FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS. Matthew Bernier. wwwpopthatzit.com. I think my standards are pretty high, as far as recommending things. I want ...
MayMay 19 Monday 08
PIE IN THE STEAKHOUSE
I spent the last three days in Decatur filming a movie. The hotel was nice. They treated the huge, sprawling cast very well, and arranged, on Friday night, to have the hotel's steakhouse available...
MayMay 13 Tuesday 08
GHOULS OF PROVIDENCE
I'm writing this from my hotel in Providence, R.I. It's gloomy out and I'm fighting a fever.I wasn't as bad yesterday, when I showed up. I took a commuter train down from Boston. The cars wer...
MayMay 10 Saturday 08
EVERYBODY DO THE CRYPTIC CATCH-UP!
1. Yes, that was me wandering around Geno's Cheesesteaks (8th and Passyunk) at dusk in Philly yesterday. I wasn't really wearing "mime" makeup, just a half-white, half-green painted face: (www.ph...