Crusades: Round Six (Vacation Edition)

When I am queen, people will not be allowed to ask "How was your vacation?" if they only have time for a one-word reply. This trip that I just took to Texas was indeed "good," but it was also a thousand other things.

• It was sad when I arrived at DFW and wasn't greeted …

Packing Procrastinator

It's 5 a.m. on May 22, 2008, as I write this. (Hi, still backdating my entries here.) I leave in less than three hours for the airport. In ten hours, I will be in Texas, Lord willing, to see Sexy Beast. He's one of my favorite people on the planet, and he's getting …

Turning in My Good Girl Badge

Working at a church, there are a few things I expect to hear on a daily basis.

• A sincere version of "how are you doing?"
• "The baptismal is filling itself again. That thing is possessed."
• "The printer won't cooperate. That thing is possessed."
• "I [am / will be] praying …

Crusades: Round Five

When I am queen, people who send spam emails will be forced to survive by selling their own products to one another. Take that, Mr. Discount Viagra and Mrs. Quality Replica Watches! Hope you enjoy getting ripped off by Prince Zumbaba and his $500 imaginary gift cards …

Crusades: Round Four

When I am queen, the following items will be banned from existence:

• One-ply toilet paper
• Pants with words written across the butt
• Cigarettes
• Comic Sans, the font
• Alarm clocks

I know the third one could possibly make me unpopular, but trust me that it's for your own good. …

Crusades: Round Two

When I am queen, dish soap will taste like chocolate in case, for example, you are in a bit of a rush to rinse out your coffee cup in the morning. "Green apple soap" isn't a key ingredient of any recipe that I know of, but chocolate is almost always a welcome …

Crusades: Round Three

When I am queen, it will be illegal to interrupt one person's dream story with your own.

Jimmy: "So I had this wicked dream last night about tofu robots."

Interrupting Cow: "Whoa, that reminds me of my dream! I was getting chased by these four-armed rabbits on …

Touch

Me: Hey, Mom, can we go to New York & Co. after our hair appointments? I'm two cute shirts short of what I need for my trip.

Mom: Absolutely!

Adam: You know, you could just wear regular shirts. Those work just as well.

Me: If you were going to hang out with a posse of …

Crusades: Round One

When I am queen, I shall officially declare that Fruit Loops be spelled as such. This whole "Froot" thing is just ridiculous, Kellogg's.

P.S. Wondering why my posts are backdated at the moment? Wonder no more.

Too Bad I'm Illiterate!

Leave it to a library to make reading fun and sexy again! I can't stop swooning over all the new books I got at the book sale today. I did my best to find the ones you recommended, but things were a little discombobulated. Should I look for Christmas Crime Scenes …

Use Your Inside Voices

As I was driving to work this morning, I noticed that the local library was having a book sale on Friday and Saturday. I haven't been in several years, but I scored more books than I could carry the last time I attended. My wallet was completely empty at the time, …

Honest Abeskirts

First of all, I would like to extend a huge thank you to everyone who has encouraged me after my first attempt at video blogging. I was absolutely terrified to share an unedited babblefest with the world, but I forgot that I have such an amazingly supportive group of …

Video Blogging Premiere

Rachelskirts + Video Blogging = FAIL from Rachelskirts on Vimeo

Video blogging is difficult. Not looking or sounding like a complete idiot is also very difficult (for me, at least).

I forgot that I should say something interesting. I also forgot that I am not …

Quite Content to Be a Noun

When I explain to people that I've had a difficult time picking a major and sticking to it in college, they ask what my interests are. I'll sigh and respond, "English, history, math, marketing, foreign languages, music, and a few others." Because it would be …

Botched Electrocutions, Anyone?

Topics I sincerely regret researching:

• Capital punishment.
• Medieval torture.
• Cannibalism.
• Dust mites.

Run, Skirts, Run!

I'm at that point where my whole life is revolving around work. I wake up and fret about it in the shower. I talk about it on the way to work with my mom. I whine about it on the way home from work with my mom. On the weekends, work rants dominate our conversations. …

Post-It Note Confessions: Part Three

I get really angry whenever I walk past our collection of World Book encyclopedias. I distinctly remember when we bought them. The woman who sold them to us was sitting at the kitchen table with my parents, and I was nearby on the floor of the family room. I was …

Hold the Nerdsauce

It's amazing how many people are concerned about your safety when you have the cord of a mouse wrapped around your neck. "There was this actress whose scarf got caught in the spokes of her car. She drove off, the scarf strangled her, and her head popped off. You …

The Fairest of Them All

There are tiny specks of something-or-other on my monitor here at home, and they've been around for a while. They're not that noticeable when I'm reading blogs, but they magically position themselves in ways that aren't exactly flattering when I start looking at …